What is shame and how is it different from other feelings?

Every person is periodically ashamed in front of someone. He may also be tormented by conscience or feelings of guilt that have arisen. All these concepts indicate a mismatch between moral self-control and the actual action of the individual.

Shame is a powerful feeling with a negative connotation. Shyness often leads a person into a stupor and deprives the individual of his own will. It appears as a result of the realization of a far-fetched and real discrepancy between personal actions or individual manifestations adopted by society. This feeling serves as a threshold beyond which a person is afraid to step over. Often, shame inhibits emotional arousal and prevents the subject from completing the intended actions.

Different cultures and religions have their own moral standards, so the actions for which a person should be ashamed can differ significantly. Despite this, the meaning of the word "shame" is interpreted in the same way everywhere. For the first time, a general description of the concept was given by the ancient philosophers Aristotle and Plato. They viewed this emotion as a kind of fear of being censured by other people: shame is the fear of bad word. Undeserved condemnation was also attributed to this type. Later, people almost equated shame with embarrassment and guilt, and therefore ceased to consider it as a separate category. For a long time in psychology there was no clear distinction between these three concepts.

Shame is now considered a universal psychological emotion. Shyness, caused by the realization of one's own dishonesty, stupidity, ineptitude or helplessness, indicates the possibility of loss of self-esteem. Often, a person who sees significant differences in his external data, character traits or mental development from other members of society cannot accept the fact with his soul. This means that in moments of shame, the individual considers himself to be useless and incapable of anything.

Those who have been strongly criticized since childhood and criticized for various actions are especially affected. Because of the critical statements of loved ones that have a great influence on a particular person, shame can accompany a person for the rest of his life. The nature of this feeling is such that this emotion is not an innate quality, but is taken by a person from the moral norms and rules of interaction with others that he has assimilated.

Each specific society has its own moral and ethical standards. The feeling of shame depends on them and the personal attitudes of a person. It has been proven that from birth, babies are not given to experience it. And only adults instill in children bashfulness over time. They constantly shame the child for the wrong things they have done. At first, the baby does not fully experience shame, but only understands that he needs to be ashamed of his bad actions. Over time, the little man who is constantly ashamed begins to involuntarily experience this emotion.

The definition fixes that this negatively colored feeling is a painful experience. Confidence in his own imperfection and his own inadequacy leads to the fact that a person considers himself not worthy of love and the society of worthy people. Shame interferes with self-awareness. It seems to a person experiencing a feeling of bashfulness that those around him will stop treating him well if they find out the whole truth about him. People are afraid of disliking others.

Shyness is a reflective emotion. The person becomes more sensitive to the assessments of outsiders. Shame can regulate communication, making interpersonal contact difficult or easier. The subject realizes the incorrectness of some of his actions, statements or behavior. He begins to feel ashamed in front of others. When a person is alone, this emotion does not arise. It is possible only in the presence of strangers. An individual who is ashamed concentrates completely on his person. He feels worse and more defective than other people.

On the one hand, shame protects a person from rash actions. He plays a regulatory role in society. Thanks to this feeling, the personality does not go beyond boundaries that should not be crossed. The restriction is associated with certain rules of behavior of a particular social system, with the norms of ethics and morality. Shyness can keep a person from doing bad things and illegal actions. This emotion promotes the development of self-awareness, self-control and self-criticism. The feeling of shame helps a person not to morally decompose in conditions of permissiveness and to continue to lead a correct life.

On the other hand, shame greatly inhibits normal personal development. It can have a destructive effect on a person. Many impressionable people have a false sense of shame. It appears due to the imaginary negative aspects of character and contrived defects in appearance. Usually, such subjects have negative ideas about their person who are greatly exaggerated. Ashamed people begin to self-flagellate themselves. Shame eats away at their souls from the inside. The personality is being transformed. Over time, the individual cultivates and multiplies his complexes, turning imaginary vices into real shortcomings.

Sometimes a person begins to hate himself for the inability to change. Over time, aggression towards others may appear. As a result, the person does not feel like a full-fledged member of society.

Shame works the same way in humans. The adage "burn out with shame" contains the real physical manifestations of this feeling. The subject caught in something blushes, sweats. He feels an internal burning sensation. Suffocation appears. The person is not at ease. He wants to cover his face with his hands, thereby isolate himself from condemning glances, disappear, hide, fall through the ground.

There are some more signs:

• cardiopalmus;
• interruptions in breathing;
• increased sweating;
• redness of the skin (bashful blush);
• confusion;
• shyness;
• embarrassment;
• anxiety;
• isolation.

More often than not, the various emotions that overwhelm each person intersect with each other. Some don't draw a clear line between shame and guilt. But there are differences. Shame makes a person feel very embarrassed, admit his depravity due to a particular act or falling into a humiliating situation. Emotional intensity and genuine experiences do not diminish until the subject is no longer ashamed. This condition can last for several years. The degree of shame experienced is usually not commensurate with the offense itself. Shame far exceeds the damage caused by human actions.

Guilt, on the other hand, is a feeling that involves punishment for wrong action. Subject may have done something in the past and now regrets it. A person cannot do what he must. Or he is going to do something that he should not do. The cause of guilt is always the act. You can atone for it with an apology, a fine, or some other similar action. A person, apologizing for his act, tries to correct the situation and change his own behavior. Feelings of guilt motivate a person. The difference is that the shameful person considers himself to be a bad person and is ashamed of what he is. In contrast to shame, when a feeling of guilt arises, the subject believes that he did wrong. The person blames himself directly for a particular action. Guilt is constructive, and shame is destructive.

Conscience is also associated with a subjective awareness of moral duty and moral responsibility to individuals and to society. The pangs of conscience lead to the fact that the subject begins to feel like a complete insignificance. It happens that for this reason a person cannot realize his potential and feels his uselessness and unsuitability. Shame differs from conscience in the experience of the subject due to the fact that his immoral act has become the property of the public. A person is ashamed in front of society. Conscience implies the inner experience of a person for his own bad action. It does not depend on the opinions of other people. In fiction, concepts such as "shame" and "disgrace" are often intertwined. Some consider them synonymous. Disgusting deeds condemned by society are called shame. The word can be used to refer to intimate parts of the body.

You can feel ashamed in front of yourself or in front of other people. There is toxic shame, which often leads to depression, aggression, stress, and eating disorders. It begins with the experience of psychological trauma, which is often associated with any form of violence, regular punishment and humiliation suffered by a person in childhood.

Toxic shame can result from rape or other extreme situations. Sometimes the feeling of your own insignificance has no reasonable reasons. Often, a person, along with this, feels guilty due to the fact that he cannot control emotional pain.

Psychologists distinguish other types:

• external shame extends to the subject and his environment;
• intermediate shame concerns only the actions of a specific person;
• preventive shame means anticipating feelings in order to protect against obscene desires, immoral motives;
• exhortative bashfulness pursues an edifying goal;
• moral shame affects the essence of the social Ego of the subject as a member of a certain society;
• false shame consists in shyness due to non-compliance with some requirements for people in a particular society or subculture without an objective reason.

The best way to get rid of is the ability to properly use your own emotions. It is very important to accept yourself as you are. There is no need to express constant dissatisfaction with yourself. The growing indignation of oneself increases the chances of being ashamed of one's own actions. Learn to accept yourself and those around you with all your shortcomings. A sense of your own worth can be gained only with the ability to defend against this emotion. Be yourself. Forgive yourself for bad deeds.

Don't compare your behavior to what other people expect of you. The absence of such comparisons helps to eradicate the feeling of shame and come into harmony with oneself. In this case, protection from experiences is provided due to the inconsistency of what is happening in reality with how it should be.

A person can influence this harmful emotion in two ways:

• you need to suppress shame in yourself, not allow yourself to think about your unseemly action, get used to the thought of it, after which, as a result of a strong emotional manifestation, a change in worldview and habits should occur;
• Negative emotions should be allowed to spill out - for example, a person who is ashamed to speak in front of a huge audience should first make a speech in front of several listeners.

Immunity from shame can be gained by acknowledging the existence of a given feeling. Then you need to become the master of the events that happen to you.