What is shame and how can you overcome it?

Shame evokes multidirectional opinions in human society. Some believe that he must be present in the character of a person to maintain his moral character. Others, on the contrary, express the opinion that excessive modesty interferes with life. By and large, both those and others are somewhat right. However, in order to understand this issue in more detail, it is necessary to find out as much information as possible.

A person always experiences some kind of emotion. They can be both positive and negative. And they are also related to generally accepted norms. A feeling like shame helps to maintain balance. This is an emotional state - a person experiences it when he realizes that he did something wrong. Because of this feeling, the individual may even develop psychosomatics, and he will get sick. This is how shame can affect the psyche. And this speaks of the strength of the feeling in question.

Shame is directly related to the emotional state of the individual and at the same time is one of the types of moral consciousness. The ambiguity of this factor lies in the fact that in some cases, shame can inhibit the development of a person. However, with the help of this same factor, many people can avoid committing rash acts. Conscience and shame have some differences. Unlike conscience, shame does not mean the inner emotional experiences of a person, but her worries about public opinion.

Thanks to shame, the individual can live and communicate in it without too many problems. The same feeling warns him against rash actions if a person wants to get immediate benefit. For example, an individual really liked a statuette that belongs to his friend. However, he cannot take possession of her by illegal actions: steal or appropriate. To achieve what he wants, he must ask a friend to sell or give him a thing he likes. Other actions will be considered theft, and this is already shameful and subject to condemnation by society. This means that shame is a kind of barrier for the emerging obscene desires and immoral actions.

Let's list what emotions a person experiences when a feeling of shame arises:

• he is embarrassed;
• he may become confused;
• he may be anxious.

By and large, a strongly expressed shame interferes with life, and a weakly expressed shame relieves a person of unwanted consequences. For example, if a mother insulted her son as a result of anger, and then realized that she was wrong and asked for forgiveness, then as a result of these actions, the son had a hope that the mother would act more deliberately next time. But strongly expressed shame can bring a person to depression due to worries and the development of an inferiority complex.

Any of us have felt ashamed of an embarrassing situation at least once in our lives. Psychology believes that shame is an emotion. It can occur in both adults and children.

If a person's mentality is based on an attitude oriented towards public opinion, then such a feeling as shame plays a big role in his life. So, if a person received a good upbringing and grew up in a decent environment, then she may feel ashamed for various reasons.

• It so happens that a person feels awkward for their actions. Some people worry that they made the wrong conclusions, committed irreparable actions, or did the wrong job. Thus, they pay with their shame for the past.
• Some may suffer undeservedly because of their gullibility and experience the humiliation inflicted on them by a loved one. For example, you entrusted the most intimate to your sister, and she told other people about it. Thus, your secret ceased to be such. Now you are tormented by the shame that everyone knows about your secret and can laugh at your feelings.
• When a person begins to understand that he is compromised in front of society, then his self-esteem may fall due to a feeling of intense shame. As a result, he may gradually become insecure person. And this entails many problems.
• What is gossip is known to each of us. It is just such negative manifestations that exist in society that can cause a feeling of shame and eventually lead a person to bullying. This should never be allowed. Otherwise, irreparable damage may happen.
• Various provocative situations can also cause feelings of shame.

Any child born never experiences shame at first. This emotion develops as the individual matures. This process starts from about 3 years old. The more a little person receives admonishing words from adults, the more he begins to depend on a sense of shame. Therefore, it is necessary to regulate this developing feeling. And in order not to make mistakes, adults need to know the causes of shame in children - and take action in time.

• First of all, children suffer from the actions of their own parents. Often times, mom or dad does not think about what they are saying to their children.For example, they compare their child with a boy from the next doorway and say: "Why Kostya can study for grades, but you can't?" Questions of this nature cause not only protest in the child, but also a feeling of awkwardness. If the parents continue to act incorrectly, they will eventually bring their child to a complete notoriousness, and in the future the child will feel his inferiority.
• There are parents who customize their child under a certain pattern. For example, mom or dad wants their child to grow up and become a famous mathematician. They adapt the child's behavior and thoughts to the chosen template. However, the opportunities for all people are different, and many children simply cannot reach a high level for a number of reasons. As a result of constant failures, such a child will first begin to feel awkward, and then it will develop into a full-fledged feeling of shame that he cannot fulfill the conditions set by his parents.
• Some children are unable to complete assignments successfully for a number of reasons. For this they are scolded by their teachers. If the teacher lacks professionalism, then he constantly humiliates the unlucky student in front of other children. As a result, the child is forced to feel awkward every time. And this leads to depression and mental development problems.
• If a child is persecuted by peers, then he is subjected to humiliation. Humiliation leads to a persistent development of a sense of shame. This leads to problems in the development of personal qualities.

Not a very large part of our society experiences a constant feeling of shame. These people cannot be immediately identified, as they try to carefully mask their behavior. Nevertheless, they can be identified by a number of signs.

• They experience frequent mood swings. A person who is ashamed of himself and his actions completely unreasonably is a very suspicious person. It seems to him that everyone is watching him and trying to find something unusual and funny in his behavior.
• A person who behaves unnoticed may also suffer from heightened feelings of shame. Such an individual is shy and believes that other behavior may be too challenging. It seems to him that if he stands out from the crowd, then people will say bad things about him.
• Exaggerated feelings of shame are very dangerous in that it can lead to suicidal tendencies. Anyone who constantly experiences chronic feelings of guilt is a very complex person who constantly self-tortures.
• Irrational behavior plays a large role in the development of shame. People who self-flagellate and study their own vices do not pay attention to the vices of other people. Therefore, they always and always blame not other people, but only themselves. For example, a neighbor with irrational behavior constantly gets into fights and brawls.

It all depends on the person himself. Be aware that excessive shame can lead to the following:

• to abandon the positive aspects of life - this means that emotions will always be not positive, but negative;
• a person can become a social phobia and begin to avoid any contact with people;
• bashful persons often fall into depressive states;
• they can be easily manipulated;
• chronic shame can lead to a loss of awareness of what is good and what is bad;
• a person can become very aggressive;
• feelings of shame can lead to suicide.

The normal feeling of shame controls the behavior of any person. There are several types of shame.

• General or appearance. This type of emotion applies not only to the person, but also to her environment.
• Intermediate view. It can affect the actions of the individual.
• Moral kind of shame affects the personal feelings of a person who is in society. Moral shame is significant.

When a person tries to prevent his actions or thoughts with the help of shame, then such shame is called preventive. Then there is the "shame of the body or shame of the mind." The most dangerous form for personal development is false shame. Experts identify two main types of shame and explain the reasons for their occurrence.

• Attributive shame may occur due to external signs. For example, due to a discrepancy in behavior or appearance.
• Existential shame - this is the kind that arises as a result of the wrong upbringing of a person.

To summarize, there is healthy shame. It helps a person to feel quite comfortable in society and to be in good contact with this society. And there is toxic shame. He gives experiences that are associated with the development of complexes in a person.

Anyone can fight toxic shame. The main thing is that he wants it. For this, a special therapy has been invented. However, you can try to stop being ashamed of yourself in an independent way. How to overcome your shame and not experience more unpleasant emotions? To do this, you need to stop blaming yourself for all sins and start fighting your false shame. Some exercises will help you with this.

• First of all, you need to forgive yourself, and also remove from memory all unpleasant situations that cause shame.
• Confessing your mistakes can help you cope with shame. Therefore, highlight the moments that led to unpleasant consequences, and draw conclusions.
• The mistakes that you managed to survive will soon be forgotten. So admit to yourself that shame is temporary and start fighting for your future.
• You need to work out tactics on how to take control of your own I. Only this must be done efficiently.
• Learn to take responsibility for the problem at hand. Then you will have nothing to reproach yourself with in the future. For example, you can help your friend get out of a difficult situation. It is possible that he needs material or moral support from the outside. Lend a helping hand in time, and then you will prevent tragedy. If you do not do this, then all your life you will blame yourself for not being able to find the strength in yourself and help.
• Talk more with loved ones and share problems.