Etiquette: what is it and the main types

A modern person is regularly faced with various acute and difficult life situations that require an instant, and most importantly, correct response. Family, social, business, economic, political relations depend on knowledge of generally accepted norms of behavior. If a person does not know how to behave correctly, through ignorance or intentionally, his business reputation suffers, family life is bursting at the seams.

Etiquette is the regulation of behavior that affects different areas of human relationships. (communication, clothing culture, national traditions, business ties).

Etiquette as a historical phenomenon unites the ethical and aesthetic sides of our existence.

Even under the primitive communal system, specific norms of behavior for each group of the community began to be developed: men were engaged in obtaining food and protecting from enemies, women protected fire and raised children, elders passed on knowledge and accumulated new ones. The oldest code of conduct is the Chinese "Book of Historical Legends", which tells about the basic human qualities: courage, loyalty, wisdom, philanthropy, respect for elders.

Centuries passed, new customs arose, and mores changed. All this merged into a single concept of "etiquette". There are many different definitions of this concept. The most common one says that etiquette is a set of rules of conduct in society.

It is interesting that for many "ethics" and "etiquette" are identical concepts. In general, this is true, the meanings of the words are closely related. However, the word "etiquette" (etiquette) is of French origin, and "ethics" (ethika from ethos - habit, disposition) is of Greek origin. "Etiquette" translates as "note, label". In France, this word meant a note - a protocol of ceremonial actions.

In Russia, the first etiquette guide appeared under Peter I, who opened a window to Europe. He was a straightforward man, he did not stand on ceremony with the boyars, and therefore the collection of rules of conduct at court was rather rude instructions. Introducing the Western demeanor, dress, appearance, the king himself strictly and persistently monitored the implementation of these rules.

Suffice it to recall his harsh beard law. And in 1709, Peter I issued a decree, according to which any person who violated etiquette was subject to punishment. Subsequently, Empresses Elizabeth and Catherine II more selectively approached the compilation of court etiquette, choosing such rules that fit the peculiarities of the national color of Russia. Since this huge empire encompassed Eurasia, the opposites of the West and the East intertwined in it. More than three centuries have passed, and these differences remain to this day.

Modern etiquette is a symbiosis of the traditions of all peoples from antiquity to the present day. Now, when we have the opportunity to communicate with foreigners or be abroad, it is important not only to know the language of the interlocutor, but also to navigate in national traditions, so as not to get into a stupid position and not cause a serious insult out of ignorance.

Modern etiquette is an important component of the external culture of an individual and society as a whole. However, there are professions in which this concept becomes dominant. First of all, we are talking about employees of the diplomatic service, politicians, cultural workers, as well as businessmen and scientists.

Today, in the world of modern technologies and operatively operating media, any wrong statement or disastrous behavior can instantly become the property of the public, not only national, but also worldwide.

We follow many etiquette rules automatically. A person who thinks every second about how to do the right thing will find himself in the situation of an old man who was once asked the question: “Where do you hide your beard when you fall asleep? ". Never tormented by this question until then, the unfortunate man wasted away without sleep, choosing where to hide his beard. Therefore, you should not remember the rules of etiquette every minute, but know them so well that you can communicate without thinking about the correctness of your actions and words.

Etiquette has certain features:

• It contains general human rules of conduct that have been passed down through the centuries. And every educated citizen knows the usual rules of politeness.
• Etiquette reflects the characteristics of any ethnic group: customs, traditions, rituals.
• Etiquette is a complex system of conventional signs and gestures that convey information and express an attitude to the addressee. You can slap a good friend on the shoulder, but not a high-ranking official. A man stands up if a woman enters, expressing his respect to her. Gestures, head movements, eye movements are important during business negotiations or diplomatic visits.
• The rules of behavior have developed historically, they are not absolute, but rather local in nature. If in one country, when meeting a stranger, it is customary to bow politely, in another - to kiss violently. Both will be considered the norm in this particular environment.

• Etiquette characterizes the system of values ​​that has developed in a given country. With its help, you can determine the relationship between people (close and not very, friendly or hostile). The arrangement of people during various events (solemn, mourning) gives an idea of ​​the equality (or class) of those present. For example, in Russia, for a long time, the most expensive people were seated in the "upper" (best) place."Nizhnee" went to the least honored guests. Suffice it to recall any meeting, conference: important guests take their place on the podium, sitting face down in the hall.

• Etiquette is conditional in nature, its norms offer such options for behavior that can organize productive communication and increase mutual understanding. In addition, it is a manifestation of human morality. The inner world of a person also has an aesthetic component, it is not for nothing that they say: "A beautiful phrase, a beautiful gesture."

It is not only necessary to use the rules of conduct in practice, but also possible, since it is more convenient in relation to oneself and others.

Etiquette changes under the influence of new times, new requirements. It is unrealistic to remember all the rules of conduct, but fortunately, this is not required. It is important to understand the main principles of etiquette and put them into practice:

• The principle of humanism.
• The principle of expediency of actions.
• Aesthetic behavior.
• Respect for the traditions of your country and other countries.

The principle of humanism embodies the moral side of etiquette and includes certain requirements for the culture of interpersonal communication: politeness, modesty, tolerance.

Politeness is a multifaceted concept with many shades: it is correct politeness, and delicacy, courtesy. "Accuracy is the courtesy of kings" is also an important characteristic of etiquette in many countries.

The next principle characterizes the ability to behave correctly in a completely new, unfamiliar environment or non-standard situation. Anyone can find themselves in a situation where they simply do not know the specific rules of behavior. Here good manners, a culture of behavior, a sense of humor, the ability to transfer existing knowledge to a new communication situation will come to the rescue.

Nice behavior is another important principle on which etiquette is based. An unkemptly dressed person, with the smell of alcohol, with a sullen expression on his face, or uncontrollably loudly laughing, nodding with a pretentious, squeamish look or noisily rustling candy wrappers in the theater, causes irritation and apprehension.

Each nation carefully preserves its traditions, created over the centuries, and is sensitive to their observance. The most ideal manners and beautiful appearance will not save a person from condemnation who does not taste the loaf presented by the Slavs, or who stubbornly catches the eye of a Muslim.

In addition, there are several more principles related to a greater degree of business etiquette, but knowledge of which will not hurt anyone:

• the principle of subordination dictates the behavior of employees, how they should address their superior managers, welcome them. In recent years, it has softened significantly against the background of a new management style - participatory (from the English participate - to participate);
• the principle of parity is to achieve equality of positions, regardless of the position held, length of service.

The variety of modern etiquette is impressive. Here is some of them:

General civil - a set of rules that citizens must follow when communicating with each other. It is subdivided into:

• speech;
• festive;
• conversation etiquette;
• dining room;
• professional.

• Religious - tells you how to behave in religious buildings and communicate with clergy.
• Weekend etiquette - regulates the peculiarities of behavior in places of public importance: museum, theater, restaurant, exhibition, cinema.
• The rules of everyday (unofficial) etiquette suggest how to behave in ordinary life, to communicate with people on the street, in transport.
• Wedding - the rules regarding the conduct of the marriage ceremony, outfits, invitations, decorations, flowers, and a festive banquet.The groom, the bride and the witnesses are constantly under the crosshairs of video and photographic equipment, so they need to look and behave accordingly. But guests must also adhere to the rules of conduct at the wedding table.

• Family - defines intra-family relationships between spouses, children, and immediate family members.
• Mourning (sad) - customs and traditions of the farewell ceremony for the deceased. There are a huge number of nuances in this type of etiquette, and each nation has its own special traditions. Among the Slavs, black is considered mourning, while among the Japanese it is white. Tatars bury people in a carpet or cloth, while many Europeans - in a coffin.
• Sports - the rules of conduct for coaches, athletes, fans, as well as relationships within and between teams.
• Traveler etiquette is the norms of tourist behavior in a foreign country, within the framework of which ensuring his safety, maintaining a good image of his country and showing respect for the national traditions of the host country.

• Secular etiquette - rules that reflect the behavior of a polite member of society, his respect for others, demonstrating personal dignity.
• Courtier - regulates behavior at the royal court in countries-monarchies.
• Military - a collection of statutory and general rules for military personnel in all areas of their activities and locations: unit, ship, public places.
• Gender informs about the rules of behavior in connection with the differentiation in society of male and female roles.

• Business etiquette examines the basics of behavior in the field of doing business: organizing business meetings, presentations, handling business cards, features of business correspondence and telephone conversations, rules for presenting gifts.
• Corporate etiquette provides a list of rules followed by employees of one firm in relations with each other and with other organizations.
• Diplomatic. The work of a diplomat is 90% knowledge of etiquette, he must know how to behave correctly at various receptions, official events, negotiations, meetings, thoroughly navigate the traditions of the country in which he is.

• Service. Determines the behavior of participants in the service sector: those who provide them and those who receive them.
• Network (netiquette or netiquette) - the rules of conduct for participants in communication using electronic gadgets on the network. There are several golden rules of network communication, in particular, do not forget that you are communicating with a living person, so you must adhere to the same standards as in reality. For example, not write something that you could not say to your face. Do not get involved in conflicts and do not create them - the rule is often violated by the so-called "trolls", but a well-mannered person will not do this.
• Hence the rules of electronic correspondence - business and private.

I would like to set apart knightly etiquette and ballroom. These sets of rules were developed several centuries ago, have not changed fundamentally, but in the modern world they are used in narrow circles.

Chivalry, which arose in the XI century, had a significant impact on the life of Europe and etiquette as well. Noble youths were ordained knights, who were instructed to perform many peculiar rituals: choosing a lady of the heart and worshiping her, serving a lord, participating in tournaments, being knighted, accepting vassals. The knight's code demanded from him strict observance of all the rules, for even the slightest deviation from them threatened the loss of honor. No wonder the chivalrous motto contained the words: “Life is for the king ... honor is for nobody! ".

The knights' lot was to protect the weak, respect everyone around them, fight only with a strong rival, not allow cowardice even in thoughts, have an iron will. Now, in various role-playing games and reconstruction games, participants, recreating the Middle Ages, turn to knightly etiquette.

Ballroom etiquette is a special set of rules that have not changed for centuries. It includes not only ballroom outfits (a long dress with open shoulders for a lady, a tuxedo (tailcoat) and black shoes for gentlemen), the culture of behavior at the ball, knowledge of all dance figures, but also the design of ballrooms and a buffet. An important accessory was considered to be snow-white gloves, which were never removed: for women - silk, above the elbow, for men - kid or suede.

The fan was also an important part of the lady's dress. Even a secret sign language for lovers was invented, the signals were given by this graceful fan. For example, a married lady signaled: “I'm married! ", Opening the fan and waving it away from the annoying boyfriend. A fully open fan said: “You are my idol! ".

Etiquette as a regulation fulfills certain functional duties:

• Contact-establishing - encourages people to communicate.
• Maintaining contact - a well-mannered person will always find something to talk about in a particular society, except for the weather. Forbidden topics for discussion with strangers: family and financial situation, political and religious views, physical disabilities of the interlocutor.
• Creation of a respectful and comfortable communication environment.
• Regulatory function, or division by caste, class, position in society. Such rules were especially strictly observed in the East.
• Preventive - compliance with etiquette rules allows you to prevent conflicts.
• Informational - the rules of conduct tell people how to behave in a given situation.
• Standardization - this function is more appropriate in business etiquette and consists in the fact that a set of rules standardizes the behavior of all team members.
• Identity with others - knowing how the majority will act in a certain situation, a person will not be confused and will not feel like a stranger.
• Educational - develop positive personal qualities in children and youth.
• Accumulation and transfer of knowledge - a person studies and transfers accumulated experience from generation to generation.

The legendary Jack Nicholson noted in an interview that he is extremely sensitive to the implementation of countless rules of etiquette, since their main goal is to make our life more comfortable.

Indeed, a well-mannered person looks much more attractive than one who wipes his nose with his fist, chomps loudly in public, or talks on the phone in the middle of a performance.

Consider the basic rules of good manners in Russia, as well as in foreign countries:

• From early childhood, everyone is taught an important rule - do not pick your nose in public, do not shout too loudly, do not scratch.
• Address strangers as "you."
• Use courtesy words in speech.
• Do not look at the interlocutor intently or sullenly.
• Do not say those things behind the back of a person that you cannot say in person.
• Be punctual.
• To be able to restrain both violent delight and seething anger.
• Always keep the promises.

• Clothes and shoes should always be clean and tidy.
• It is not customary to chase fashion if you risk looking stupid and awkward.
• You cannot put your mobile phone on the table in public places - thereby you show disrespect to others, showing how important this gadget is to you.
• Remember the secret of correspondence! Even if you are a parent, you do not have the moral right to read a child's personal notes. The same goes for the spouses.
• In the cinema, circus, always turn your face to those sitting, passing to your place.
• We decided to visit friends - be sure to call in advance! These rules are especially strictly observed in Western Europe. For example, in Germany, you need to call a week in advance, informing about your visit.And you should not count on a richly set table (as is customary among us, the Slavs) - crackers and canapes are considered the right treat for pedantic Germans.
• If you are walking with a companion, and he greeted a stranger, then you need to greet too.

• When meeting, the elder holds out his hand to the younger. They do not greet a lady by the hand, only if she did not initiate such a thing.
• When entering a room, always say hello first.
• A man is always respectful of a woman.
• Observe the rules of conduct at the table.

Since etiquette regulates the rules of behavior and communication, it is very important to know how to make acquaintances correctly. The man introduces himself to the woman first, the younger are introduced to the elders. If you introduce those present, then you must personally introduce each person.

The rules of conduct between a man and a woman must be known and observed by both sexes:

• The gentleman's place on the street is to the left of the companion. Only the military is allowed to go to the right, so that he can salute at any moment. The lady's handbag is carried exclusively by the hostess.
• The first to enter the restaurant is a man, making it clear to the head waiter that he will pay.
• A man should stand up if a woman leaves the table.
• A man always helps a woman to sit at the table, in the car.
• If you want to smoke in the presence of a lady, you need to ask her permission.
• The man lets his companion forward. Exceptions are stairs, elevators, basements.

Table etiquette implies compliance with the following rules:

• Sit straight at the table and do not put your hands on it. It is permissible to stick your wrists to the edge of the table.
• You need to eat with your mouth closed, without munching.
• Conversations are only appropriate between meals.
• They only eat bread with their hands, breaking it into small pieces.
• Use a knife and fork, and place the knife in your right hand to cut the food. Do not cut with a table knife only pudding, omelet.
• If you are invited to any event, then it is completely unacceptable to be late.

• The rules of behavior in nature say: be sure to clean up your garbage, as well as other people's garbage, if there is one nearby. Observe the rules for making fires, do not destroy birds' nests, anthills, do not break branches and do not pick flowers. In short, you are visiting nature, so take care of it!

Regardless of the country you come to, the following universal rules must be followed:

• Respect for religion, country leadership, traditions, cooking.
• There is no need to draw parallels with your homeland.
• No criticism.
• Extreme punctuality.
• It is worth studying the banknotes of the country you are going to, and also not boasting about your own finances.
• Always stand up when the national anthem is played. It is useful to repeat the actions of local residents.
• You should not wear national costumes without familiarizing yourself with their ritual significance.
• Pronounce the names correctly.

• Always show respect for your elders.
• When eating unfamiliar food, it is not customary to refuse and find out what it is. It is better to grind the portion as much as possible and taste it.
• Do not use familiar gestures (for example, thumbs up), in another country they can mean very offensive things.

The structure of national etiquette has its own specifics in different countries - traditions, special rules of behavior in society. What nuances you need to know in:

• England. The prim British prefer to maintain a distance between the interlocutors and strictly observe table etiquette.
• USA... The essence of Americans is openness and friendliness. Smile often and say hello regularly, even if you greeted the person 15 minutes ago.
• France. Local residents are extremely unpunctual and expressive, gesticulate a lot. "Madame", "monsieur" - addresses adopted for strangers.
• Spain. Siesta - an afternoon rest - regulates the rhythm of life of the Spaniards: they have breakfast after 1 pm, and business meetings are held after 10 pm. An invitation to breakfast should be politely declined twice, only the third time it is accepted to agree. Killing a Spaniard is the height of disrespect.
• Arab countries... Arabs love long meetings and the same handshakes, but alcohol and pork are not favored. It is not customary to praise things in the house, because according to tradition, the owner must give it to his guest.

• India... As a sign of greeting, the Hindus bow down, pressing their left hand to their heart. It is not customary to touch the interlocutor. You need to wear light-colored clothes for business meetings.
• China... Gifts are given to the Chinese only before leaving, and crossed chopsticks are bad form. Modesty is appreciated here, a tie is appropriate only at official events.
• Of Japan... It is customary here to bow and exchange light handshakes as a sign of greeting. Never be late and do not look your interlocutor directly in the eyes! Always take off your shoes when visiting or at a restaurant. It is important to know that if the Japanese agreed in words, this does not mean that they really are.

Speech and communication are verbal (speaking, listening, writing, reading) and non-verbal (facial expressions, gestures, posture). Scientists have found that the message sent in the language of movement is much more convincing. For example, if a person smiles only with his lips, keeping a stone face and ice in his gaze, they are unlikely to believe his assurances of sincerity of feelings.

As you know, you don't get a second chance to make a first impression. Psychologists have calculated that it takes two to four minutes to form a definite opinion about a stranger. Therefore, you should know several important rules so that you always leave a positive impression of yourself, without even saying a word:

• When communicating with a person, especially a foreigner, try to use less gestures. Perhaps the Italians and Spaniards will appreciate the active hand movements, but still you need to restrain yourself.
• Do not fold your arms over your chest and do not cross your legs - this is a way of psychological protection, an attempt to close yourself off from others. Frowning eyebrows, drooping shoulders and a bowed head, fingers, nervously clenched, are also signs of withdrawal.

• The gait should be firm and confident, the back should be straight.
• A smile will brighten everyone - both you and your interlocutors. Unfortunately, in the vastness of our Motherland, a smile addressed to a stranger is subconsciously perceived as a mockery. And for Europeans and especially Americans, this is a mandatory attribute.
• To win over the interlocutor, you should slightly tilt your head to one side, copy his pose.
• Sitting on a chair, you cannot fall apart on it, pull the armrests, wrap yourself around the legs. It is not customary to cross your legs; for women, the most appropriate position is legs crossed at the ankles.

• Know-how for students and ordinary employees: When listening to the lecturer or boss, nod slightly in time to his words. You will soon find that the speaker is speaking to you. This technique helps to positively stand out from other listeners.
• The eyes are the mirror of the soul, as well as a very expressive part of the face. A glance can say much more than words. Even the pupils are able to say a lot about feelings and experiences: they expand with joyful excitement, interest, narrow - with a gloomy mood, an attempt to lie.
• The intonation of the utterance unites verbal and non-verbal communication and directly expresses the speaker's attitude to the information he is giving.

The culture of dress is as important as the culture of behavior. The most important rule regarding clothing is that it must be clean and tidy. When choosing clothes, a person is guided by personal preferences, material resources and fashion trends.

Fashion has a significant impact on the choice of clothing, but you should not blindly follow it. To look good means to be dressed stylishly and tastefully, but not necessarily fashionable. For example, a girl dressed in a suit with a jacket a la Chanel and a houndstooth skirt looks much more aesthetically pleasing than the one who put on trendy fur slip-on sneakers with a tracksuit.

In men's clothing, the greatest number of requirements are put forward in relation to a jacket pair. Any costume should fit well. Pay attention to the quality of the material, not the fashion trends, as a really good suit is timeless. In a formal setting, the suit is always buttoned up, it is allowed to unfasten it, for example, at the table.

When choosing a color, pay attention to solid, dull colors or a large cell. The shirt should protrude 1.5 cm from under the jacket. The tie should always be darker than the shirt, but lighter than the color of the suit. The socks are matched to the color of the shoe, but by no means white.

It is considered bad form to stuff the pockets of trousers so that they bulge. They put a handkerchief, keys, credit card there. There is plenty of room for other important things in the pockets of outerwear and a special men's bag.

In everyday life, the requirements of etiquette are not so stringent; it is allowed to use a semi-sports style for male teachers, managers. Young people are guided by personal tastes and belonging to a particular subculture.

Women are given great freedom in choosing fabrics and styles. However, the outfit should always be appropriate for the situation! The lady who went out to buy bread in a nearby store in a fur coat and stiletto boots looks extremely ridiculous. So did the young lady who came to the opera in a tracksuit and sneakers.

General rules for the selection of clothes require taking into account the type of face and hair color, stripes on clothes are not suitable for everyone (transverse fatter, longitudinal - stretch the silhouette). For a business woman (office worker, teacher, student), teacher, too short a skirt and trendy silhouettes are unacceptable. You should choose pastel colors, the suit itself should consist of several parts - skirt + vest + blouse, trousers + jacket.

The shoes are comfortable, elegant, with low heels. Tights are a must at any time of the year! Hair and make-up should emphasize natural beauty, perfumes should leave a light flair, and not the impression of a perfume shop.

Conversation is not a simple dialogue. This is a meaningful exchange of thoughts between the participants of communication, requiring special skills. Conversation can be casual and businesslike, when a certain issue is discussed, predetermined in advance.

In oratory, you need to practice in order to get closer to the image of the ideal interlocutor who knows how to listen and speak on the topic.

The first rule of conversation is to be respectful to the interlocutor. All strangers over the age of 18 should be addressed as "you", even if this person is younger. You can go to "you" with a friend by mutual agreement.

Watch your speech, its tempo and rhythmic characteristics.Too fast speech is incomprehensible, makes you strain too much in order to isolate the necessary information from the stormy stream of words. Slow speech with numerous pauses is tiring and quickly boring. You need to adhere to the golden mean: speak clearly, distinctly, and soundly enough. Interestingly, the British speak at exactly the volume that one person in the room can hear:

• It is not customary to discuss topics in society that are incomprehensible to the majority, as well as purely personal and taboo.
• Don't pretend or glorify yourself to try to diversify the conversation - even if there is good reason to do so.
• Even if the topic of the conversation is not interesting, you do not need to show it with all your might: rummaging in a bag, yawning, turning your head around, looking at a mobile phone.
• You cannot interrupt the narrator with rude remarks. A well-bred person will listen to the end, even if he hears the story for the hundredth time.
• It is better to start a conversation with the simplest topics: about the weather, about the holiday in honor of which they gathered, tell an interesting story (just not an anecdote!) Or an instructive parable.
• And it is necessary to end the conversation on a positive note for the further fruitful continuation of the acquaintance.

See the following video for a master class on etiquette from Countess Marie D.