All about intimophobia

Recently, more and more often you can hear the word "intimophobe". Both women and men are called so. We are talking about people who are afraid to establish long-term emotional relationships with members of the opposite sex. They have their own sympathies and preferences, they fall in love and are carried away, but long and lasting close intimate relationships scare them, because they can pose a threat to their independence.

Intimophobia is a type of phobic mental disorder. It is extremely widespread - it is believed that up to 30% of the adult population suffer from this type of fear. This phobia is an irrational, contrived fear of intimate relationships that does not exist in reality and has no compelling prerequisites.

More often than others, intimophobes are people who suffer from neuroses, have certain problems with the emotional and psychological spheres. And in this case, intimophobia only complements the existing problems. The disorder is not inherited, it cannot be genetically determined, but a girl who is raised by her mother alone without the participation of her father, as well as a boy who was raised only by her father, may well become intimophobes with pronounced features.

Intimophobia is equally susceptible to both women and men. An intimophobe is not a "pecked" and "downtrodden" not the brightest representative of the same sex, as the name might suggest. Outwardly, people with this phobia make a very pleasant impression. - they resemble very uninhibited connoisseurs of sexual sensations, they are quite sociable and know how to interest representatives of the opposite sex.

Such people adapt well, easily enter new teams, find a common language with people. So what's the catch, you ask. The catch is that an intimophobe needs strong emotions like air, he needs to experience passions, and therefore he may well lead a fairly free sex life and often change partners in connection with an unwise need for fresh sensations. Such an intimophobe is seen by those around him, but something is happening inside him that no one around can understand - exactly what constitutes his phobia.

The intimophobe uses his sexual and love affairs as a screen for true experiences. Fear of true intimacy with a member of the opposite sex has firmly settled inside him. This fear is of a panic nature. It is panic that is born in a person's soul at the thought that a relationship can become serious, because this, to one degree or another, will deprive him of a share of freedom and an influx of fresh experiences necessary for a comfortable existence in this world.

No, intimophobes are not afraid to get married and often do it when circumstances require it. But even in marriage, such people maintain a certain distance with their partner... He has his own experiences, his feelings and plans, and he needs sex on the side and new sexual acquaintances. There is nothing surprising in the fact that families of intimophobes break up in 99% of cases.

Some intimophobes have another problem - sexual aversion. This is an aversion to an intimate partner. Rejection of someone who until recently seemed attractive and desirable can occur after the first intimacy, and after some time of regular intimate relationships with this partner.

Intimophobia is considered a pathology of character, and therefore the main reason for its occurrence, from the point of view of psychology and psychiatry, is the cost of education. Usually this violation is laid in childhood or during puberty, and the child takes the example of his parents as a basis.

1. Most often, the matter is in the behavior of the mother, her attitude towards the representatives of the opposite sex, her failures and blunders in her personal and intimate life. If a girl sees how mothers have a difficult relationship with men, how unsuccessful the mother's experience is, then it is not worth relying on the fact that she will develop the correct perception of men. In most cases, failing mothers also reinforce children's fears with statements like "All men are traitors" and "They only want one thing." This is how faith in a serious relationship with members of the opposite sex is completely killed.
2. The disorder develops similarly in men. The boy, who was taught by the unsuccessful example of his father, does not believe in women in principle, and as he grows up, he begins to project this disbelief and mistrust onto all women. The further algorithm for both men and women is simple: in order not to become a victim, you need to run and hide. This mechanism is triggered in the human psyche by nature itself, trying to protect it from shocks. This is how the fear of close and long-term intimate relationships appears.
3. Less commonly, the disorder develops in adults. The reason in this case is a strong negative personal experience, personal drama on the family or intimate front. And even an excessively strong desire of a partner to legitimize the relationship as soon as possible can provoke an attack of panic and disgust at the prospect of further relations with this person.

It is not worth hoping to re-educate an intimophobe.To build a close emotional relationship with him is very, very difficult, almost impossible. And no matter what you do for him, no matter how hard you try to surround him with comfort and pleasures, the charm of the relationship will only last until the intimophobe begins to become attached to you. Once he feels that he has begun to attach emotionally, he will prefer to find an excuse and leave, or make your life unbearable so that you kick him out or leave.

As long as the relationship does not in any way detract from his personal freedom, they may well continue. But will this suit your partner? In the case of two intimophobes under one roof, it is possible that a mutually beneficial "deal" will be concluded - a free marriage, a guest marriage or a weekend marriage with complete freedom of action for each of the partners. An imtimophobe cannot change either the birth of children or the presence of a common cause (for example, a common hobby or business). He is what he is, and does not want to become different.

Any psychologist will confirm that intimophobes very rarely seek qualified medical help. They do not consider their problem a mental disorder, they are not going to change anything in their attitude towards sexual partners. AND mainly, only people with an extremely severe course of this phobic disorder - coitophobia (fear of sex in general) come to a psychotherapist... That is, the fear of sexual intercourse is the only reason that can make an intimophobe ask for help from specialists.

But if a person suffering from intimophobia still decides to visit a specialist, believe me, psychologists and psychotherapists have something to offer them to help overcome the problem.

1. There are cognitive-behavioral therapy methods that can help an intimophobe to stop feeling fear of a serious relationship. It is possible that the partner of the person will have to take the most active part in the treatment, if he (she) still believes in the possibility of correcting the character of the beloved (beloved).
2. In addition to psychotherapy, antidepressants can be recommended, which will increase the level of serotonin in the body, which at the physical level somewhat reduces the manifestation of fear - heartbeat, rapid breathing, sleep disturbances, drops in blood pressure.

It is impossible not to note the consequences that can threaten an intimophobe. One day the age will come when sexual pleasures with new partners will become difficult, will cease to bring joy. By this time, people usually have children, grandchildren. Intimophobes, on the other hand, remain on the threshold of old age in splendid isolation, they suffer from the absence of the usual surges of adrenaline, they can get carried away by alcohol and drugs. They feel like outcasts, misunderstood, unloved, but mind you, even in this lonely unhappy state they do not reconsider their beliefs and continue to insist that "love does not exist," "all women are fools," and "all men are scoundrels." Therefore, it is very important to admit to yourself in time that there is a problem and it must be solved. It is good if there is a close person nearby who is ready to help and share all the difficulties of this treatment.