How to become an interesting conversationalist?

The most important and useful skill is considered to be the ability to communicate with people and find a common language with them, since this allows not only to win others over to oneself, but also to achieve great success both in the professional and personal spheres. At the same time, many cannot become good interlocutors due to self-doubt and low self-esteem. If you have a great desire, then you can change all this.

There are no identical people, so it is easy for some to maintain a conversation and become the soul of the company, while others cannot do it, since the need to communicate with other subjects of society causes them panic. Such differences are due to the characteristics of temperament and character, which each person has their own. Positive-minded people have the ability to quickly start a conversation on the street with strangers, they are easy-going., enjoy conversations on any topic, love to be in the spotlight and constantly learn something new.

Everyone can enjoy communication. For this, it is necessary not only to share feelings, informational data, but also to use intonation, facial expressions and gestures, giving the conversation a special emotional coloring. But, unfortunately, not everyone can cope with this.

There are usually some barriers to communication.

• Shyness... This problem is considered one of the most difficult, as shy subjects close themselves from others on their own. The reason for this may be isolation from peers in childhood or improper upbringing in the family.
• Self-doubt... Some people constantly experience a sense of fear from communication, because they are afraid to seem too stupid and, accordingly, get criticized. They find it much easier to avoid socializing with others.
• Inferiority complex... It is not inherent in everyone and manifests itself mainly in this way: a person wants to communicate, but prefers to just be silent, since he considers himself a constant failure. There are also people who can feel free in conversation, but often, due to the joy of communication, they tend to interrupt the interlocutor.

Today you can find many interesting books, the reading of which contributes to the development of the secrets of communication, but it is difficult to make the right choice in favor of this or that publication. Psychologists recommend giving preference to the literature that has passed the test of time and received only positive reviews from readers.... Such books can be read by both girls and men, while it is best for children to purchase books whose authors have a psychological or pedagogical education.

Here are the most popular adult publications.

• “Mastery of communication. How to find a common language with anyone " (by Paul McGee). The book describes many interesting life situations, as well as tips on how to stop being afraid of conversations and translate your ideas into reality.
• "How to overcome shyness" (from Philip Zimbardo). This book was written by a world famous American psychologist who considers shyness to be one of the ways to respond to emotions. To overcome all complexes in communication, he offers a whole set of exercises and practical advice.
• "How to talk to anyone" (by Mark Rhodes). This book describes how to learn how to relieve tension in conversation and cope with fears that prevent you from starting a conversation. In addition, the author analyzed in detail the main problems of modern communication.

Separately parents are encouraged to read these books: “The child learns to communicate. From birth to 5 years "(Filippova Yu. V.)," Labyrinth of the soul. Therapeutic fairy tales "(O. V. Khukhlaeva, O. E. Khukhlaev)," The stages of communication: from one to six "(L. N. Galiguzova, E. O. Smirnova).

To be able to speak freely in front of a huge audience, maintain a regular conversation, exchange jokes at parties and quickly get to know each other on the street, you need not only to overcome your fear of communication, but also constantly develop new skills.

• Monitor the interlocutor's gestures during a conversation... The main component of any conversation is considered not so much the ability to correctly support it, as the use of non-verbal signals. Psychologists advise, when talking, to carefully analyze the facial expressions, gestures and facial expressions of your interlocutor.
• Don't be afraid to ask... More often than not, people like to talk about their achievements, so they can be asked leading questions, curious about their success. At the same time, the questions should not resemble interrogation - this will cause an uncomfortable feeling in the interlocutor.
• Learn to listen... Sometimes people during a conversation perceive information from the interlocutor superficially, begin to interrupt and transfer the conversation to other topics. With such actions, you can easily alienate a person from yourself.To prevent this, you need to ask a few leading questions and thereby smoothly push the interlocutor to the topic of interest.
• Control your voice... To do this, it is recommended to rehearse at home, record your conversation and listen. You need to remember one rule in communication - no one around you will want to continue the conversation if the intonation is indistinct and the voice is quiet.
• Exclude all parasite words... The speaking person, as a rule, does not notice how his speech is full of parasitic words. Therefore, it is necessary to increase control over the quality of the conversation, keeping in mind the politeness and simple rules of etiquette.
• Expand horizons as much as possible... Subjects of society are attracted by people who seek to learn something new, as they are very interesting in communication. Being in the spotlight, you need to arouse the interest of others by supplying new information. For this, it is recommended to study new technologies, the situation in the world in your free time.

Many people are intimidated by the early stages of a conversation because they don't know what topic to start with. Some insecure people bring up the topic of the weather, which seems to be correct, but such a topic will not particularly interest anyone. It can be used as a primary step in a conversation, and then communication should take an expanded form. Besides, there are topics that are unacceptable to discuss.

• Politics... This topic is ambiguous and very complex, since each person has his own view of events in politics, and there is no guarantee that the opinions of the interlocutors will be identical. It often happens that the beginning of a conversation with politics ends in a conflict situation.
• Health... This topic is considered intimate, personal and can only be discussed with loved ones. It is allowed to talk about health only if the interlocutor himself expressed a desire to discuss the problems of his well-being. When communicating simply with acquaintances or colleagues, you need to forget about this topic. Nobody will be interested in discussing bowel disease or acne.
• Personal life... It is strictly forbidden to climb into the inner world of another person, and even more so to try to give him advice, sharing his views on life and experience. For example, if you act as a third party in a conflict between two lovers, then it will not end well. The conflict will be resolved on its own, and the third party will remain extreme and guilty.

Communication is considered an important part in the life of any person. Thanks to him, you can not only achieve success in your career, build relationships with your family, but also make new friends. As you know, the reason for many divorces and conflicts in a couple is a simple inability to negotiate and listen to a partner. In addition, fear of communication makes people lonely and unhappy. To become the perfect conversationalist for friends, family members, colleagues and to achieve success in all areas of life, you need to follow the advice of experts.

• Don't be a bore... Sometimes, when telling an entertaining story, you will notice others yawning. This is because they are not interested in listening to such things. To remedy the situation, you should end the conversation and provide an opportunity for others to talk. You need to allow the interlocutor to start a story about yourself. Oddly enough, but people like those who speak little, but listen a lot.
• Discuss the interests of the interlocutor... If you ask a person about his hobbies, then there is an 80% chance that the conversation will continue successfully. In addition, you should know in advance the hobbies of the interlocutor, this will then allow you to easily and freely maintain the conversation. It would also not hurt to additionally share with those around you several interesting stories from your life (this can also be done in correspondence).
• Constantly develop charisma... This personality trait is given to many at birth, while others need to develop it over the years.Studies have found that only 7% of the attention is paid to words during a conversation, the rest is on body gestures and tone of speech. Therefore, during a conversation, one should smile and be emotional, not forgetting about gestures.
• Live an interesting life... Psychologists recommend watching movies more often, traveling, reading books and communicating with different people. It is also good to attend concerts, exhibitions, lectures, as you can meet many interesting people there. Thanks to this, the worldview will expand and there will be an opportunity to present oneself to others as a good interlocutor.
• Call the interlocutor by name... Before starting a conversation, you need to ask the interlocutor to introduce himself and use his name further in the dialogue.
• Avoid complex phrases and terms... There is no need to try to "be smart" and give yourself a special status, using complex scientific terms in a conversation. It is best to express thoughts in simple words, the interlocutor will understand what the speaker is.

In addition to all of the above, one should always express negative thoughts in a positive interpretation... You can, of course, be angry, but we must not forget about respect for others.