Is it worth forgiving a husband's betrayal and how to live on?

Unfortunately, the pain that a wife experiences when she finds out that her closest person betrayed her by cheating on her is familiar to many women. Cold, numbness, resentment, pain, fury, anger - this is not the whole range of feelings experienced when they learn about betrayal. As a rule, women's intuition, and without serious evidence, tells when a spouse is unfaithful. Although sometimes these are unjustified fears, inherited by the girl from her female environment: mothers, grandmothers, girlfriends who have bitter experience. It is worth considering the situation when adultery has already become a confirmed fact.

When faced with treason for the first time, the thought pulsates in my head - why. Emotions raging at such a moment will not help with solving, in fact, the key issue in the situation. Yes, now you are very bad and hurt. It seems that this feeling is "tearing apart" your whole being. But notice - this is your feeling, not yourself. You yourself are safe and sound. After a while, you will begin to feel fuller, then it will be easier for you to continue reading and perceive what you have written.

The question "why" comes only later, when the storm of passions subsides and the head slowly turns on, which begins to think. More often the "why" is included when the husband is cheating not for the first time or, in general, the infidelity in the family is constant. A woman wants to know the reasons in order to find the right way out of a situation when a husband cheated on his wife. So, it is worth considering in more detail the main possible reasons for treason.

• Upbringing. The culture of modern society allows free behavior in the family, in particular, in relation to the wife.If you pay attention to the information of the media, magazines, and gossip, you will notice that often good relations in the family are ridiculed, loyalty and clean relationships become the subject of ridicule. In families where loyalty is valued and informational purity is observed, men are brought up with an appropriate attitude towards women. Unfortunately, this is not a common occurrence today. There are quite a few men brought up in the spirit of freedom from various restrictions, including sexual ones.
• Dissatisfaction with a man's sexual life in the family. This reason can be objectively caused by the fact that a woman refuses intimate relationships or is not interested in them to the same extent as her husband, and therefore does not diversify them. Or the reason is a consequence of the licentious upbringing of the husband, who puts sexual games above spiritual relations in the family.
• The husband's dissatisfaction with the spiritual relationship with his wife. Despite the materialistic nature of modern thinking, this is a common cause of male infidelity. Any person, be it a man or a woman, needs a spouse to accept his inner world, only his inherent qualities, to share views and values ​​with a loved one. Another question is that at the beginning of a relationship we often don’t show ourselves as real, and then, when in the process of a relationship we open up to each other, we “don’t recognize” the image of a spouse created at the beginning. And then it turns out that he (she) does not need or care about your ideals and values, the partner does not at all share your views, which you discussed at the beginning. Rejection of each other arises, as a result of this, the spouse begins to look for a new place where he will be accepted as he is.

• Routine. It manifests itself in both masculine and feminine versions. Women's routine: she gives all of herself to her husband, children, home, and accordingly does not have time to take care of herself (appearance, development, and so on); or, having finally “got” a man as a husband, he calms down and also ceases to pay attention to his appearance and spiritual life. The same can be said about the male routine, but with the difference that due to the influence of hyperresponsibility, he goes headlong into work or, deciding that his wife will not go anywhere, prefers to “push” the sofa often in the company of beer.
• Self-affirmation of a man. Cheating on the part of the husband is possible when he feels his inferiority in the family. Perhaps a woman really belittles her spouse, and it doesn't matter if it manifests itself in words or actions, or even mentally, because he will still feel a disdainful attitude towards himself. Although it happens that a man entered the family already with a sense of inferiority instilled in his parental family, then even an ordinary request can be perceived by him as a nagging or demand. In this case, he will look for a relationship in which he feels superior.
• Women's jealousy. There may be times when a woman feels inferior. She may feel that her husband pays special attention to other women, and she has little, while he needs to communicate with them at work. She can check his phone, eavesdrop on conversations, spy on him, make scenes of jealousy, control her man.

To get an answer to this question, answer, first of all, to yourself one more - what share of my responsibility is in what happened. If you are able to reflect and analyze the reasons, the answer will be unequivocal: even thinking about plans for revenge, you lose the energy that you need now in order to understand the situation and solve it in the most favorable way for you.Now imagine the picture that you still took revenge by cheating on your husband: do you feel peace and tranquility, imagining this. If you really want to fix the problem, you should put aside all thoughts of revenge right away. Even if you decide to break up with your husband, it is worth understanding and understanding what happened. This will help you avoid and repeat such mistakes in the future.

If your spouse is sorry and asks for forgiveness, you have a chance to make things right. To do this, you need to talk to him and find out the reason for his action. When talking about forgiveness, it is important for both of you to understand why it happened, how you can fix it, and how to move on.

The most important thing under the circumstances is to have a frank conversation with your husband. Of course, it is advisable to speak only after you have calmed down and decided to clarify the situation completely. Calmly ask him to explain everything to you. Remember that both of you are in some way responsible for what happened, so don't pressure your spouse. Try to take his story with a cool head, listen to everyone. If the husband does not go into an open conversation, he is dissuaded by the phrases "I'm sorry, this will not happen again", gently point him to this, make it clear that it is important for you, first of all, sincerity in the relationship for their continuation. A man for whom it is important to maintain a relationship will heed the calm judgment of his wife.

And if a woman, having learned about the betrayal, begins to make scandals, make demands, threaten to leave, and so on, then he, most likely, will want to escape from this, and, most likely, to the one with whom he cheated. Put yourself in his place, then you will understand that this is quite logical, especially if the scenes are repeated. And you would like to escape from constant emotional outbursts. Therefore, self-control is your main trump card in building further relationships in the family.

If you want to build a strong relationship based on sincerity, you need to talk about issues together. You cannot "grind" everything in your poor head alone, you need to do this only when you need to calm down and put your thoughts in order.

Reconsider the relationship in your family, taking into account the reasons that could push the man to cheat. Perhaps you are too jealous and bother your husband with excessive attention or even surveillance. Or some of you (and maybe together) got involved in a routine, you abandoned yourself and (or) your relationship. If you put any of the areas of your life (children, home, work) above your relationship with your spouse, then they begin to crack. Pay attention to how you usually talk with your husband, in what tone, if there is no edification in him. Maybe you speak about him impartially when talking to your girlfriends or other people. In this case, do not be surprised that the husband asserts himself elsewhere.

Are you really frank and do you trust each other with your innermost thoughts, dreams, plans? Or avoid such conversations. Do you want to open your inner world to your spouse and learn about the treasures of the corners of his soul?

After you understand the reasons, it would be good to discuss what each of you should do to strengthen your family (remember about mutual responsibility).Try to figure out together: what do you lack for a happy and harmonious relationship, what resources are you willing to invest to improve them. If you feel that you are "stuck" by everyday life, tell your husband about this, offer to distribute some of your responsibilities. Or, on the contrary, if he has problems with excessive responsibility - support him, offer him to switch to a more lenient work schedule, then you will be able to spend more time with each other.

Pay attention to yourself - whether you care about your appearance, whether you want to look not only neat, but also beautiful. It is important that this desire is not imposed, but comes from within, because it is nice to like yourself when you cook soup and even when you do the laundry, then the process of your renewal will be natural. It is worth answering the questions - do you devote time to your spiritual development, sometimes go to concerts or performances, are interested in developing literature or videos, or give yourself the opportunity to just sit quietly in an armchair with your favorite book. If not, allow yourself to finally take an interest in what you like, do it with pleasure. It may seem to you that there is no time to do this, but it only means that if you infringe on yourself in one thing, then you put too much energy into another activity.

Together determine what you both lack in order to be understood by each other. Earlier in Russia there was a custom called mercy. One day every week, the couple put off everything, sent their children to their grandmothers and talked heart to heart. They expressed alternately what they like and dislike about the actions of the other, how they would like it to be, and together they decided what to do to correct the situation. This custom helped not to accumulate resentment, to be understandable and understood by your soul mate.

Try and introduce such a tradition in your family. Specify, if the whole day is not possible, then a certain time per week when you will be in a calm atmosphere, being free from worries, "have mercy" on each other, that is, confide your partner your thoughts, joys or doubts. Learn to talk about problems in a relaxed environment so that your feelings can flow out. And then neither he nor you will need to seek solace elsewhere. This practice will help in the future to discuss intimate topics, which are also important to understand, because intimate issues are easier to solve in a confidential atmosphere, when your loved one opens up and is ready to share his experiences and desires.

Test your self-esteem - are you confident as a woman, mother, hostess, behave naturally in these roles?, in accordance with an internal impulse, or constantly prove something to someone, or, conversely, expect advice from someone, maybe even mentally. Observe yourself. If you notice similar signs, then most likely you are insecure. Get yourself together. You are a whole person. The Creator created us in his own image and likeness, which means that we are self-sufficient. Give your firm word to your inner opponents or advisers that you yourself know how to cope with difficulties and no longer need their tips.

And listen to yourself more. Remember that we initially have all the knowledge, all the information necessary for the ability to interact with each other. Trust in yourself and your husband. If you feel his vulnerability, then this faith will support him.

Now that you yourself and together with your spouse figured out the situation, understood how you want, and how you should not act in the future, you should forget the situation itself as a bad dream and move on. If you need a psychologist's opinion on how to live on, let go of the problem, do not let it hurt you and torment your family. Imagine that it flies away from you like a balloon into the sky and dissolves there forever. The task of a woman in a family and a family is to be able to forgive and help her loved ones to cope with adversity and pain. This may seem like a difficult task, but no one will argue that, in terms of spiritual qualities, a woman is nevertheless closer to this role than a man. Although the nature of a man is, first of all, his inner strength, which is also capable of protecting loved ones from trouble. The development of these qualities in him depends on women. To do this, you need to let him take care of you.

Learn to love yourself and your husband. And this does not mean that you need to admire yourself in the mirror for days on end or make an icon out of it. You are not only what is outside. Learn to enjoy all the processes in your life. Do not put the material in the forefront, let everything be in moderation. Understand that even a broken thing can be a reason for your interaction and his care: let him spin around the broken stove while you peel vegetables for your lunch in the kitchen (next to you), or wrap you up with a blanket (or better, wrap himself up with you) if the electricity is turned off, and the house becomes cold.