What if my daughter hates her mother?
It seems that there must be a perfect emotional connection between mother and daughter. However, this is not always the case. Sometimes there is a huge rift in the relationship between the two closest women. There are always reasons for this. They can be so compelling that sometimes the situation comes to a standstill. What then is to be done? Let's try to figure it out.
Main reasons
Psychology says that hostility from one person to another arises when hatred appears.
It is very bad when a daughter hates her mother. In this case, both sides suffer. The daughter cannot feel protected, and the mother fears for her lonely future.
However, it takes courage to face the truth. The hatred of an adult daughter does not arise for nothing. There must be good reasons for this. Let's consider them.
- A mother's inattention to her child is always fraught with consequences. You may not have shown interest in your daughter's problems at one time. And here's the result. She learned to live without your participation, and now she takes revenge on you for your indifference.
- A teenage girl is always a storm of emotions. If you constantly reproached your daughter for something for no particular reason, then such behavior caused her an irritable state. Therefore, your child first had rejection, and then hatred for you.
- You dominated your child. They dictated how to dress, how to act. When her daughter was very young, she listened to you. Later she had her own opinion. However, for a long time you did not let her live the way she wants.Subsequently, this behavior has generated hostility towards you.
- You took out all your anger because of problems (lack of money, unsettled life, etc.) on your child. And here's the result. From constant turmoil, your child began to perceive you with a negative.
- All the time you forced your daughter to do the hard housework, and you yourself could afford to have fun and relax with your friends during this time. As a result, your daughter grew up to be a closed person and now she takes out all her irritation for life on you.
- Hatred could arise from mutual selfishness. The intransigence of both mother and daughter gradually led to the escalation of the conflict. And where there are conflicts, there is general hostility.
- Because of the mother's infidelity, the family broke up. And this factor was the impetus for the emergence of hatred in the child of his own mother.
- Excessive custody of a parent first caused irritation, and then a persistent feeling of hatred.
- The mother has a latent contempt for the child. She compares her daughter to more successful children all the time and regrets that her child cannot achieve the same success. Therefore, the parent all the time takes out anger on her daughter and behaves in an inappropriate way.
How to behave?
Some women complain that they just can't get on with their own child. Wherein you need to remember: the relationship between people is a kind of "mirror" reflecting the depth of their behavior.
Therefore, it should not be surprising that these relationships sometimes deteriorate. To prevent this from happening, keep your actions under control. You ask: "What if it's too late to put the above recommendation into practice?" Then you need to try to correct the mistakes. Let's consider what you need to do for this.
First of all, realize the fact that you have a problem in your relationship with your own daughter. And as long as you close your eyes to her, you will be in a negative situation.
Find the reason that led to such sad consequences. This condition must be met. Without it, you cannot get to the bottom of the truth. To fix the problem, you must first eliminate the root cause of the problem.
When you determine the reasons that contributed to the deterioration of the relationship, then do not fuss, but simply decide on the main actions. They will lead to a remedy.
It is necessary to do the following - invite your daughter to a frank conversation. Listen carefully to your daughter. Try not to interrupt while doing this. Let her talk and tell you what she thinks of you.
In no case do not be offended if your daughter is very frank with you and therefore tells you a lot of unpleasant things. Remember: this is your child. He has lived side by side with you for a very long time. Your child has accumulated many complaints about you.
After your daughter has had her say, ask her to listen to your opinion. If you understand that you have been very guilty before your daughter, ask her for forgiveness.
Next, agree with your daughter: let her be always frank with you in the future. There is no need to harbor resentment. Grievances must be expressed as soon as they arise. Otherwise, irritation and anger will accumulate in the mind. This will lead to another surge of hatred.
Psychologist's advice
Hate arises when love ends. That is why it cannot be called the opposite of love. The need for mutual love between mother and child is very great. However, sometimes there are exceptions to the rule.
The daughter begins to hate her mother, and this affects her further happy life. Mother also has a hard time. The woman is worried, in every possible way trying to find a way out of this situation. Therefore, we will consider tips that will help both parties get out of a difficult situation.
It is necessary to consider: hatred arises for two reasons. For example, because of a reaction to an acute conflict or because of a wrong relationship.
If any situation has happened in your life that has led to hatred, then try to get forgiven. If your relationship with your daughter has developed in a negative way for a very long time, then the process of their restoration may drag on for an indefinite time. So please be patient. Change the way you think about your child completely. Do not try to respond to hate and anger directed in your direction with hatred and anger in the opposite direction. Remember: these destructive feelings can quickly grow in size. And this leads to a worsening of the situation.
In any conflict, speak calmly with your child. Just as quietly and calmly convey your point of view.
Don't blame your daughter for past mistakes. Don't remind her of the past. Thus, you stop "feeding" her hatred for you. If you are giving advice to your daughter, do not insist on doing it. Let her make the final decision in favor of your advice. So you can save yourself from the subsequent irritation of your daughter in your direction.
Take an interest in your daughter's affairs. If you haven't done this before, now start doing it. Express your attitude to this or that event. Only at the same time choose your words carefully so that your daughter does not take offense at you.
Do not criticize her in vain. Remember to be constructive in your criticism. If you point out an error, then be sure to give advice on how to fix it.
Stop talking very loudly. Too emotional speech infuriates any person. In addition, words spoken with irritation do not reach consciousness well.
There are two people involved in the conflict. If hatred arises, then in this case both sides are guilty to one degree or another. Therefore, the daughter also needs to take some action to improve her relationship with her mother.
A daughter who hates her mother is considered a deeply unhappy person. She will not be able to build correct relationships with other people until she comes out of such a negative state.
The following tips are specific to her.
- Begin to act so that everything in your life will work out. Remember that your hatred for your loved one harms you in the first place. Of course, a living person constantly experiences emotions, including negative ones. This fact in no way makes such a person bad.
- Hatred is short-lived. This is especially true when it comes to a loved one. Once the relationship is back to normal, the hatred goes away. And this means that you always feel love and tenderness for your mother. These feelings are much stronger than anger.
- But do not suppress negative feelings in yourself. If you do this, then they will only gradually grow. As a result, this situation will lead to the escalation of the conflict. Therefore, you need to correctly hint the mother that you do not like some of the details in her actions or words. For example, write down the negative points that irritate you on a piece of paper and let your mother read them. After which she will draw conclusions and begin to act in the right way.
- Always get your thoughts right. You don't have to shout for this. The calmer and quieter a person speaks, the easier it will be for him to convey his thoughts to other people.
Everything is correct, but the child is acting two-faced. Dispersed due to his destructive behavior (alcohol addiction). It did not work to prohibit meetings with her father - the daughter was bored, the guardianship was indignant ... During the meetings, the father and his mother spoke negatively about me, incited me against me, arranged a holiday of wishlist - there was no refusal to buy anything. I am now reaping the result. The daughter is one in the eyes, and behind my back she throws mud at me. Conversations don't bring about change. We now live with a full family, she sees the care of her stepfather.But the older she is, the more she ignores him: neither good morning, nor hello ... She walks with a monolithic face, rarely when she smiles. You have to ask for help with the housework, but there is no reaction, and to force - goes into the room. Thanks to dad and his mother, this is the fruit of their "help". I warned them: you treat me as you want, but do not interfere with the child in the conflict. And there is no need to make unnecessary purchases, pamper, only spoil the child and her life. Such people do not understand. And I didn’t even suspect that my daughter hated me, we always talk openly. I don’t know what to do. How to save her from mistakes in the future?
You wrote it quite rightly: hatred. At one time, I worked a lot, got tired, provided for my family, and my daughter thought that I did not pay attention to her. Then there was an ugly divorce, I was very worried. Because of the apartment, the husband lured his daughter to him and demanded that she sign the guardianship, but she did not sign, and he kicked her out. She went to my mother. I bought her an apartment when she was studying at the university (I helped to enroll), well, and a car, of course. She dreamed of living alone. Her character is heavy, selfish. I tried to understand her somehow, to help, by this time I was happily married. My husband perceived my daughter as a member of the family, but she, on the contrary ... I tried to somehow improve relations, but I received nothing but hatred in return. Each time she came up with something new from her past, bad, of course. She's been like that since childhood: she could call her grandmother, say that she had nothing to eat or she had no blanket. All this was for her daughter in full prosperity, but she liked it when she was pitied. She told everyone that she entered the university on her own, she earned an apartment and a car, and 5 years ago she began to say that she was not raised that way. Listening to her very attentively, I wondered if my daughter had gone crazy - she was carrying such nonsense. In the end, I got tired of her attacks - we stopped communicating. Rather, she has stopped and is setting up her grandchildren. I try to communicate with my grandchildren, but there is also control there. Over time, I realized that no matter what I did everything badly, everything was wrong and not right for her. I would like to know how is she - how is her health? How can I help you? But she's not interested in me. At all. It’s strange, but only my husband’s grandchildren are interested in my health and business ... Native grandchildren talk exclusively about themselves. I am writing to them, sending parcels. They can only say "thank you". I tried everything, as in your article - it's useless! After one of these phone calls, I lost consciousness and was in intensive care. Do not want anymore.
Elena, thanks for your comment. I saw my future. They don’t need anything else from us and they don’t need to get through. This is very painful, because there is only one life, and you may not have time to correct mistakes.
The situation is the same. Only in my case my daughter is a psychopath and from time to time she hates me. If it weren't for me, she would come off (to fit tantrums) on her husband, children (this is much worse). I am very afraid for my little granddaughters. I do not know what to do. She goes to a psychotherapist, psychiatrist. But he talks to them about something else. And he presents everything in a completely different way. Seemingly a normal person, but like demons are possessed. Changes in voice and face. Fearfully!
Lyudmila, my daughter behaves the same way! I do not know what to do.
I, too, do not have a daughter, but like the devil: he hates me, and I go out of my way to do everything that is possible for them. May God grant us patience, dear mothers.
I have the same story. I'm getting out of my skin, but still a bad mother. The eldest and youngest daughters hate. Average is good. How annoying it is to listen!
My daughter is mentally ill and blames me - she got it from her dad. I got sick and she left me. She also has sadism. How to live with it !? She does not kiss at all, does not hug anyone (not even her son), does not say that she loves. I can’t get over it, I’m all alone. She stopped calling me mom.
I also have a very similar story. Maybe narcissism.But it hurts so much.
I just arrived from her, yelled, kicked out, the baby was already afraid of her, crying, I had to leave. She did everything for her in life, provided everything for her. My daughter calls me a traitor, says that it is calmer with my grandmother. But for every trifle he demands help and solutions to her problems, calls, today with a fever ... Then he complains to his grandmother, presents everything the other way around, she - at me, in short, a terrible circle!
Yes, my story is like a carbon copy.
I understand you very much. I have a similar situation with my daughter. The only difference: I didn't buy her an apartment, but rented closer to the institute. And I didn't buy a car. I think if there was a financial opportunity, then I would have made the same mistake. My whole life has been built around my daughter. And yours too. This is our mistake! We raised selfish women for whom everything is not enough. Now my daughter has blocked me everywhere. From despair I turned into indifference. I already know that in old age I will be left without the support of my daughter. Like this! They gave birth to children, but received executioners. Sad and bitter! God is their judge. And I wish you all the best. We need to learn to enjoy life, be that as it may!
Dear mothers, if your daughters are under 30 now, leave them alone. Let them calm down, live an independent life. And closer to 40, they will return to you on their own. You are just corny, like annoying mosquitoes, and are temporarily unnecessary. This is normal and wise. You have fulfilled your duty to your homeland and go in peace.
Daughters are not taught to feel, sympathize, empathize. One selfishness: "everything is for me, for me and for me." They don't even think about their little children, let alone their mothers. You need to be open about your feelings.
Will not come back.
My God! What a nightmare! I read your story and see my daughter, only she is still a student, but the behavior is identical. It's scary ... I've been in bed for several days after another conflict with her.
Also a terrible situation. Daughters are soon 18 years old. Behaves disgustingly. A man without conscience and honor, accuses me of raising her wrong. And I quit my job for the sake of her health. She belonged entirely to her. She (a terrible lazy woman) dragged her in school perfectly, so that thousands of roads were in front of her. But she did not pass the exam, she is now sitting at home on the couch, does not study, does not work, and at the same time spits in my face without hesitation.
God ... my blood froze, I read as if about my daughter. Everything is clear and understandable - only hatred and blackmail by grandchildren, and they only accept money. She was also in the hospital. How to live on? How to rip out the beastly maternal feeling from the heart? I have done more for my daughter and have already received betrayal three times ...
I have a similar situation, I am so tired of these sick relationships that I don’t want to communicate with my daughter anymore ... The problem is that we live together, tk. we cannot exchange our apartment for two separate ones - there is not enough money, and she does not want to do anything, she just waits for me to present her with the keys from her new apartment ... I would gladly do it, but it doesn’t work. While I was working and paying for all of her "I want", I was needed, and now I am retired ... I raised her alone and tried to give all the best and, apparently, overdid it - I raised a consumer ... Recently I saw that I was in her contacts in the phone are indicated simply by name, but before there was a mother ...
My daughter is 37 years old, my grandson is 14, did not work a single day, lived in an apartment that I bought for them with my husband. As a result, the husband committed suicide and it turned out that there were more debts than the cost of the apartment. I thought they had a normal family, but it turned out that my husband is a player. She knew about it, hid it from me. Now she came with her grandson to live with me and every day she arranges tantrums with beating and screeching. Tears off all his anger and disorder on me.I think she is not well, I took her to the doctors. Refuses to drink pills, I motivate her that at last she has a job and she needs to work. The grandson behaves towards me as well as his mother: with fists and squeals. I don't want to live. I don’t see that anything can change, besides, their apartment needs to be sold for debts. The only way for me is to go to some nursing home. She screams that it is impossible to live with me. These are the kind of kids there are.
And my mother does not want to be designated by her mother in contacts. Your daughter did the right thing to bring you in by name. Now there are a lot of scammers at every step. Have you thought about that?
It turns out that I'm not the only one. She raised her daughter alone, there was not enough money, but she raised a good girl, she graduated from the institute. We spent time together in the evenings, doing things together. Then she got married and it began: I became bad, I do everything wrong - I don't look like this, I don't say so ... One decree, then another, in general, several years at home. We communicate normally for periods, and then it starts again. Whatever I say turns over, it turns out that I am to blame for everything, everything turns out against me. And what to do? To select words? It is impossible to constantly pick up every word. The daughter puts everything, as if in a piggy bank, and, when she is in a bad mood, pours it out on me. The worst thing is that the granddaughter has already been turned against me, she no longer wants to communicate. I'm shocked! I am always the first to go to reconciliation, I really want to live peacefully. But I annoy her in everything and always. How to live on?
Irina, have you been living together for several years or do you communicate very closely? If so, then you are just tired of each other, especially your daughter. You need to live separately. It would be better for you to go somewhere to rest for a while, at least to a local rest house or sanatorium. And then, you will see how your daughter will get bored ...) Then live separately and you need to restrain yourself in the desire to communicate. And no advice, criticism of the daughter about the family and housekeeping. On the contrary: praise her in everything, but do not offer advice and help yourself, but only when she herself asks ... Then she herself will look for meetings with you and bring her granddaughter, and the relationship will become warmer. Here, look! I wish you happiness and health!)
You're right.
My God, your life story is like two drops of water similar to mine. Raised two children. The son died tragically. I live separately from my daughter. Financially independent, but no normal relationship. No matter what I do, it's bad. Communicates only in a raised voice. Sometimes she "spits in my soul" so much that I don't want to talk to her. Education is equal, but does not consider me as a person. The same spoiled granddaughter. I don't know what to expect next. It doesn't get better after talking.
Dear girls and women, I really sympathize with you. My daughter hates me too, she went to live with her traitorous father at the age of 13. Everywhere she blocked me, she does not want to communicate, because I have not forgiven her beloved daddy, his betrayal. He now lives with another woman, and his daughter calls her mother. Here's a story. I also put a lot of moral and material strength into my daughter, and in return - hatred. She speaks in the words of her ex-husband, she has no mind, I'm afraid it won't be, because lives with him and constantly listens to dirt about me. Live, dear women, your own life, find yourself a hobby, a friend, a husband, set goals to live happily without children, because one can never expect recognition and recognition from them.
Good afternoon. My daughter is 11 years old and we have a very difficult relationship. I am the worst mother for her, although all the best for her: clothes, phone, and travel. And it all started with the fact that two years ago, my relationship with my husband began to deteriorate. He is 18 years older than me. As a result, I grew up and stopped living under his dictation, but he just can't accept it. He began to turn his daughter against me: he is good, and I am bad. As a result, she stopped respecting me, obeying and slowly hating me.In any case, she makes up stories from childhood so that her father would feel sorry for her.
I wish all daughters to be good mothers. We have very little left - we are living out our lives. We, mothers, are without husbands, abandoned without any support, divorced. And there are a lot of them. Working all my life to give you an education and a better future. We only want one little thank you. But, probably, this is a lot.
And my mother is very fond of embellishing her contribution to me. At the same time, she did not take me to the kindergarten in the morning (she woke up). She was later fired from work, because she was late and left ahead of time, but, of course, she claims that it was necessary to pick up the child from the kindergarten. My father took me everywhere. She did not know how to cook, there were never any dinners. Pasta and sausage is the maximum she was capable of. The house was a mess, she also did not know how to comfort and did not consider it necessary to direct. Dad put up with her only because of her beauty. Then she decided to lead the dances and after the main work (where she played sapper), she went to dance with small children. So dinners also disappeared from our family. This part-time job gave about 1/3 of her salary, dad still received more, but his salary was constantly delayed. She never paid for the communal apartment or the family's expenses from her money, she spent everything on herself. And then she was kicked out of her main job, and dad received a major contract. But she beats herself in the chest that she "supported the family", took me to dances, where she just spied on the lessons of other coaches, so that she could teach herself later. From the age of 12, when I began to bloom, I simply began to hate me for my beauty, controlled every step, suspected of all sins, blamed everything, disgraced me in public. So that there are no questions, I was a girl until I was 20, I still don't smoke or drink. At the university she studied at the budgetary department on a scholarship, and then entered the full-time postgraduate study on a budget with living in Moscow. Itself! At 23 I already lived separately, worked, rented an apartment and studied in person in the evening. She was always against my ambitions, she insisted that I was an empty place. At home there were constant hysterics, scandals, she constantly brought her father up, and from the age of 33 she did not work a day. Now she is 60. She is trying to take away the apartment that her father earned and makes her sell the dacha he inherited. And I said this in the softest words. I did not introduce her to her future husband, she met him at a wedding. She did not talk about pregnancies, she found out about her grandchildren after their birth. Not a day she helped me with the children, she did not even see the youngest. But I'm sure that everywhere I also write that her daughter is scum. Yes, I also have a lot of health problems, because in my childhood she did not want to go to doctors and go to the hospital. Once she was simply forced, because I had severe inflammation, I already needed resuscitation. The doctor called my father's boss at work, and under the threat of dismissal, she agreed to go to the hospital with me, with the one-year-old. Well, the cherry on the cake: from the age of 6 she told me that she did not plan for me, although she was already married, and tried to get rid of pregnancy using folk methods, but I was still born. Does anyone have any questions as to why I don't love her?
Daughter, after you've written all this, you should feel better.
Sympathize with you. But I'm sure these are not the kind of mothers gathered here. Yours is an exception.
Hello! My situation is similar. I am 61, my daughter is 40 years old. When she feels bad, she blames me for everything. Although I have always supported her in everything. They didn't give her everything. The son makes no claims, treats with respect. So how to be? For a long time I "go away" from her calls.
It is directly felt how your father turned you against your mother all his life. He did it. I don't feel sympathy for you, so coolly all her sins were put on the shelves!
Am I not the only one?
But how to come to terms with this, with the dislike of your daughter?
But in no way! Live your life without trying to please your daughter again. And this daughter will face the same fate. The grandchildren see her attitude towards the mother and will also behave in the future with her. So if you hate your mother, your kids will hate you too.
Hello. I have a slightly different story. My daughter is 12 years old. I just don't know what to do with her? She can go for a walk during the day, but she will not return home at all. This happens most often in the summer. Communicating with the wrong company. My husband and I are trying to convey to her that now is such a terrible time. Useless. They took me to a psychologist - no results. It also happens, she says to friends, that she is allegedly beaten at home. My husband and I are just in shock ...
As I understand you. My daughter is almost 14 years old, she blames me for everything! I do everything for her. I allow my daughter a lot, I love her very much, and she attacks me for any reason, blames me for everything. Very hard! In the evenings, she began to start a harmless conversation with me and twist it at the end so as to offend me more painfully and accuse me of what a bad family she has, and I ruined her whole life. At such moments I try to be silent or say very little so as not to provoke even more. After such conversations, I come to myself at midnight, and in the morning I go to work. I never compare her with anyone, I praise her, help her if she asks. She does not need anything, she has absolutely everything. She does not respect anyone, she took her to a psychologist, they said that everything was fine with her (they had 5). And she pretends to be a victim and brings me on on purpose. I have no more strength, I am already at the limit, sometimes it seems: if I am not there, she will be able to live normally. Right now we are going to go on a vacation at the sea, but she turns her nose up and all the dissatisfied walks about because she wants to stay at home. I offered her to stay with her grandmother, so she refused: after all, she will have to do a lot with her grandmother herself. She will ruin our rest with her mood, I know that for sure. If I am happy about something, my daughter will devalue it and make me feel bad. But with her stepfather, grandmother, grandfather, she behaves like an angel, and then expresses to me that I force her to communicate with relatives against her will. How tired I am, there is no more strength, what will happen next. The hopelessness is continuous, and after reading what other people have with their daughters, I became even more desperate.
Inna, dear, don't you understand: your daughter is just a transitional age, it will pass. For others, this period is even worse than for you. She will then change for the better. And you step back a little from her, there is no need for such close communication. You only annoy her. Why do you have any conversations with her in the evenings? You should have your own business and interests, in the end, just rest after a hard day. And you had to go to the sea alone, and leave her with her grandmother, because she is an angel with her, especially since she did not want to leave.
Mine is 36 years old, and the transitional age has not ended. Unfortunately, my forecast is disappointing ...
This is true.
Here I read and am surprised at such duplicity. I am 40 years old, my daughter is 23, my granddaughter is almost a year old. I love them madly! I have an ideal and trusting relationship with my daughter, and I hate my precious mother with all my heart and soul! She is just as correct as the mothers who write here, only this is all a demonstration performance! If there is no love for a child from birth, then there never will be. That's right, your children hate you - for your duplicity. You are good only for others - pure window dressing. There is no such thing as hatred for a mother, especially for one who truly loves her child. This means that this "love" is yours.
Hope, because it happens that an alcoholic mother leaves her child to the mercy of fate, is not interested, does not care. And the child loves this mother madly. There are many such cases. What is your logic then?
You mother, you can write about dislike for your daughter. People are all different.More to the point, it's genetics, not upbringing. We have two daughters in our family. Mom fell ill from a stroke at the age of 57. We were raised the same, but only my mother was with me. With her only unfortunately (when I was in the hospital or something). And despite how I treated my mother, I will not say that everything is fine with my daughter. She is rude to me all the time, I often cry from her, I can't understand what I did wrong. I lived for her, like my mother did for me - she learned at the medical university, bought an apartment, pay the mortgage myself, although my salary is 3 times less. There are all sorts of moments in life. If only to praise the children, I don't understand who can be raised by this method ...
You are naive! And you don't seem to know who psychopaths are. Ask at your leisure. This is not a disease, it is a pathological personality change (most often congenital). People have a complete or partial lack of empathy for others. As much as you love them, the result will be the same. You will not expect sympathy from them. They know how to imitate love and affection when it is necessary and to whom it is necessary. It's always a trick. But they come off, as a rule, on the closest people. Who will forgive everything! And we often underestimate this. And there are many descriptions here that correspond to this particular disorder. Not everything, of course. So, dear, your fiery speech may be true, but not in all cases. Life is more multifaceted than you imagine (
Dear mothers, the situation is difficult, it is a shame that so much effort has been spent, money and health, and you are nothing in the eyes of your daughter. I myself grew up in a boarding school, I have no complaints about my parents. I understand that they could not have done otherwise. I never told my mother about the boarding school, although she lived with me. And the current daughters with claims, because they love to receive freebies and enjoy the love of their mothers. I do not pretend to anything, the world is not without good people. Now you need to take care of your life and your business, not to panic. Everything that the author writes has already been used and tested. The best option is to step back if health is expensive. All mothers are kind.
My daughter is 38, I am 61. Since the birth of my daughter, my grandmother, my mother, intervened in our relationship. I was her only child. She is a relatively young woman, suddenly decided that the granddaughter is her youngest daughter. When I was discharged from the hospital, I grabbed the envelope with the baby, as if it belonged only to her. As time went on, the daughter grew up, the grandmother spread her wings over her, pampering and living for the sake of her granddaughter. This did not lead to anything good, since in the upbringing of children there should be one educator, one authority. With us, if I said "black", my grandmother echoed "white". As a result, my daughter stopped obeying me, but why, if there is a kind grandmother. As a result, when, 12 years later, my husband and I parted ways because of his constant betrayal, all the negativity fell on me - I left the child without a father. The daughter also took the side of her father, began to visit him, quickly and easily made friends with the young stepmother. They did not need my communication. Only after the death of her grandmother, when my daughter became a mother herself twice and fell ill with an incurable disease - stage 3 breast cancer, relations more or less improved, but not for long. In all troubles and troubles, he seeks the root of evil in me. When I come to visit my grandchildren, I can hardly bear my presence. My life has turned into a nightmare. How to continue to live - I do not know.
My daughter is 22, she just teases me all the time, making me look like a complete fool, and laughs at my helplessness. She works in an office where people come to earn extra money at exchange rates in order to quickly get rid of mortgages, credit debts, etc. There they are trained in trainings: how to expose the situation in such a way as to force them to take out a loan at any cost. They are convinced that this is the solution to all problems. They are taught how to put pressure on a person, and, moreover, these are terrible ways. She comes home and in the slightest situation, if something is not the way she wants, she starts to put pressure on me. The speech is delivered clearly, verbal reproaches are such that there is simply no chance of my being right.He mocks with such cruelty that it seems to me that I am losing consciousness, I am suffocating. I can't say that she used to be very kind. Greedy, picky, tough, absolute inept. Now she just got to where she belongs, revels in all these opportunities. Dysfunctional brothers live above us, do bad things, she does everything to show them how she deals with me. I am ashamed, the ground is leaving from under my feet, and she is so pleased, she walks with such a victorious look after that. I don’t know how I’m going to live on, my husband is for all this: my hut is on the edge, I don’t know anything, will not protect, will not support me. I am afraid that I simply will not be enough, and I will die of shame and grief. All her life she did everything for her, because she herself did not see anything good from her own mother. She never wanted what she had to go through on her own. Now every day I am afraid of the moment when she comes home from work and starts to scoff again. Please help me how to be, what to do?
Dear mothers, as I understand you, everything went through and I am going through now. My daughter is 37 and has 3 children. At first there was a transitional age: creepy guys in the company, etc., and now he remembers us only when he needs to sit with his grandson or money is needed. It rings extremely rarely, and when I call, it simply does not pick up the phone.
Thanks a lot! I learned that I was not alone in my grief.
Dear mothers! Respect yourself, love yourself, and for a bad attitude towards mom, daughters will receive the same from their children.
And hate me ...
Our mother has six daughters and one son. My father was a disabled war veteran, received a scanty pension; Mom was spinning like a squirrel in a wheel: she raised us, taught us. From an early age we worked around the house, helped my mother, and, thank God, everything has long been grandmothers themselves. And now she herself has one daughter and has raised an egoist - she can't get involved in work, she doesn't want to help around the house, just give me outfits and more money. How to be? Our mother is not like having a heart-to-heart talk - it was not always possible to sleep five hours a day. She needed to look after her dad, raise children, take care of her paralyzed grandmother. She herself worked at school, and also a full yard of cows and sheep. How we loved our mother! It's hard for me to describe. More than ten years have passed since she was gone, and we still miss her. The thing is that we raised loafers and we ourselves are offended. It is necessary to force from an early age - this will be a habit, from habit - character, and from character - fate. So one smart man said.
How many unfortunate mothers! Everything that is written above (from all letters) is my life now. I live in hell for 3 years. Daughters 18 years old, does what he wants - all out of spite. Psychologist's advice doesn't help. Everyone around is to blame. We tried everything !!! The daughter does not develop a relationship with anyone. Does not draw conclusions, hates everyone. The family is prosperous ... Was ... The daughter-in-law says that my daughter has something wrong with her head. Pain and despair from every letter. This is not life, but existence.
All outpourings are a description of my life. The daughter was the main meaning of life. Now she is 42 years old, I am 72. Nothing has changed since she became a teenager. In any conversation, there will certainly be a reason to accuse me of something. The only way out is to react to everything calmly (so as not to turn into a "plant", not to end up in a shelter) and not expect gratitude for the good once done and the sacrifices made! Please appreciate the good things in your life. I know a lot of such stories, and even much harder. Just live and look for spiritual support in yourself.
I have two daughters, 24 and 28 years old, both are not married, live together, rent an apartment. They hate me too - I suffer a lot from this and have been depressed for two years now. I don’t know why such an attitude towards me, I am a tolerant mother, I always tried to understand them, I always supported and praised them. I am afraid for them, because I watch how they communicate with me - they can not start a family, they can push people away from themselves.They have some kind of incomprehensible aggression, they take everything with hostility, no matter what I tell them. Even when I compliment both of them regarding their appearance, they are just furious (like for any mother, her children will certainly be the best). And if I give any friendly advice about everyday life, at once - a tornado, an op, criticism (and I seem to look like a mother-in-law who climbs everywhere) ... I am offended. I'm not like that by nature and will never go to anyone (ridiculously slandering me, exaggerating) ... Maybe it's just such a gene ?. My husband does not care, I lived alone with him, all his life he was at work and did not live, but was just a witness or spectator of our life with our daughters ... 60 years old, because they don’t give me more than 40 ... But my daughters don’t need anything from me (they say so). The other day I came to visit them and, when they were at work, washed two windows (just like that, I wanted to help them quite a bit). They directly attacked me with resentment, although this was my second visit in a whole year. I don't know how to live further ... I am very worried about this attitude ... Where is my fault? I don’t know what to think ... People are right when they say when you love a person, you don’t even notice his shortcomings, and when you hate, his merits are teased.
Good evening, dear mothers. I understand all of you very much. Tomorrow, October 6, my daughter will turn 20 years old. Our relationship with her is very bad and has been for a long time. 10 and 11 grades she lived with her dad. We are divorced (my daughter was 6 years old). Divorced due to beatings. He did everything so that she did not see and did not hear how he was "blowing" me. I beat a pregnant woman, and when I was breastfeeding for 1.5 years. My daughter and I were always alone. There, the domineering mother-in-law demanded the presence of her only son at her house. We went to Christmas trees, watched all children's performances in theaters, were early readers in the library, taught me how to read by the age of 5. From the age of three she did not give her hand when they crossed the road (then we did not have a zebra or a traffic light). In general, from childhood, the character is still the same. In 2012, I found out about oncology in the chest (in the one where my ex-husband beat). Operation, radiation, chemistry, baldness - 1.5 years of treatment. When I was in the hospital (she was 11 years old), she even looked at me like a wolf cub. After what I went through, of course, various health problems appeared. But the daughter doesn't care. Here is an incident two days ago: I asked for help with cleaning and received it. She does not study, she finished 11 classes. She lived in another city. Came back. But the relationship is the same. Of course, they helped her with her new husband. We got married in 2015. He is the kindest person, he has no children of his own. But she came back. In general, I am a creative person: I paint, I make flower arrangements to order. And she returned - she chopped off all her wings. I don't want to go home after work. Inspiration is gone. We cannot go to the kitchen if it is there - a lot of indignation. They offered her to help pay off the mortgage (three years left). She has a good salary. Then they wanted to give her a down payment and help with the purchase of an apartment. She refused, saying that after our death she would get everything. Lazy - cannot cook, does not want to study. It works, but it can also oversleep.
She didn't say anything ... she moved to dad's because she started raising her hand to me (when, once again, for her words and obscenities, I wanted to hit her on the lips). She grabbed my hand, twisted it and pushed me. Another time I got it in the face. It was at the beginning of the 10th grade. Both years, while she was in school, we hired tutors, prepared for admission. Fortunately, dad lives two houses from us, but practically every day she ate with us. Earlier, at work, they sighed for periods (someone silently, someone with the words: "Oh, Marina, she is small with you, how can she stay alone ?!" I need it besides me. Sometimes it seems to me that she is not herself, that she is sick. We turned to a psychologist, to psychiatrists too. Now I have a feeling that I do not have a home, that I am alone on the whole earth and have lived all my life in vain since this is not life.
My daughter will be 18 on November 13th. I live in hell, I have no more strength. She hates everyone around her, accuses me of some childish insults. I have always worked two jobs to provide it. He curses me in public, can call me the last words. I have four children - I love everyone, I am ready to turn out my soul for everyone. She is the only one of all. I don’t know what to do next.