Why do parents hate their children?
Hatred of one's own child is manifested in unwillingness to accept him in soul, denial of his existence, rejection. Mother and father feel dislike, hostility, anger and even disgust towards him.
Signs of hate
When it is difficult for a person to overcome obstacles in life, then his parents support him. They understand and feel sorry for their child. The child should not be afraid to tell the mother or father about the troubles that have arisen. He can boldly share any joy with them.
However, there are people who cannot guarantee their own children any moral support. It so happens that the mother hates her own child.
You can understand that the parent does not love you by some signs.
- The complete absence of an emotional connection between family members lies in the unwillingness to support the child in difficult times. The parent can ignore the crying of the baby. It's even worse if he starts yelling at him. Unpleasant phrases like "Shut up!" Can fly out of the mouth of a hostile person.
- Sometimes parental kindness is suddenly replaced by irritability and anger. A hail of offensive phrases falls on the baby. Not without physical violence. Constant criticism, assault, insults to one's own child, punishment for any wrongdoing, endless reproaches paralyze the little man's freedom of choice. Some children are kept in constant fear. Having matured, a person tries to avoid meeting with his parents. He experiences anxiety even when talking on the phone.
- Loving parents will not subject their own child to moral humiliation. Only angry people can say that a son or daughter is not worth the parent's nail. Subsequently, grown-up children experience feelings of guilt throughout their lives. Inappropriate behavior of parents provokes the wrong reaction of the descendants to the events that occur, so in the future they may justify someone's disgusting actions.
- Demonstrative silence after the baby's prank strongly affects his mental state. The mother declares a boycott and does not talk to the naughty little man instead of explaining to him what to do in this situation.
- Violation of a child's personal boundaries is often a sign of a hostile attitude. A parent can overhear a conversation on the phone, read a personal diary or children's correspondence without asking. A healthy relationship means that the parent is openly interested in the affairs of the child and his friends. He will directly ask about something, and will not arrange secret surveillance.
- Some children are prohibited from expressing negative emotions. Poor fellows should not be offended, angry and cry with grief. The human nervous system is capable of processing a wide variety of senses. The individual must fully express positive and negative emotions. He has every right to rejoice, have fun, be angry, yearn, suffer. Children who suppress negative feelings in themselves, in the future acquire a tendency to frequent depression. A person should be able to cry, shout, relax and laugh out loud.
- Parents may not react to the child's achievements in different areas. Sometimes they just ignore any success reports. Sometimes they immediately change the subject or say, "So what?" Instead of praise. Some even begin to make fun of the success of their own child. There are narcissistic personalities who remember the achievements of their child only when they have the opportunity to brag to friends or acquaintances.
- Often, the child's complete submission is achieved through manipulation.based on the presentation of good done to a loved one or money invested in it. The descendant is obliged to feel a sense of duty, so it is not permissible for him to listen to music unpleasant for his parents, watch the wrong films, and be friends with a boy from a bad family. Manipulators prefer to act on the sly, exercise covert control. For example, they scare the child of a possible heart attack because the student receives a bad grade. Throughout subsequent life, the subject lives with a sense of guilt.
- Some adults perceive their toddler as a burden or obstacle to achieving personal goals. Sometimes parents, for their own sake, force the child to give up some desires. Adults put their own feelings first. The parent does not want to take responsibility, so he is constantly looking for excuses for himself. As a result, children have to live someone else's life. In adulthood, a person cannot recognize his real desires, and happiness bypasses him.
Causes
The psychology of an adult is such that when a personal comfort zone is violated, negative emotions can be directed towards the baby. In this way, the body reacts to the emerging unfavorable circumstances. For example, a woman who is left without the support of her husband or her relatives becomes depressed. She begins to get angry at the innocent crumbs. Anger develops into dislike for one's own child.
It happens that a baby breaks into the life of a married couple unplanned. Not every person is ready to change the established way of life. Parents cannot accept the birth of a son or daughter. The crumb is accused of the collapse of unrealized plans. Unconscious rejection of an unwanted child is replaced by hatred.
Some men cannot cope with the chores and worries that unexpectedly fell on them. A baby's crying does not allow a young father to get enough sleep. The birth of a sick baby completely knocks a man out of balance. Gradually, irritation transforms into dislike for the little screaming man. The spouse breaks down and leaves the family.
Divorce often turns a loving mother into an irritable person. The child becomes a kind of lightning rod for her. She throws out all her accumulated anger and rage on the crumb. Motherly love is first replaced by irritation, and then by hatred. The baby can be an obstacle to building new relationships. The woman screams at the baby, humiliates and insults him. Some offended ladies raise their hand against their own child.
Often, a child causes irritation in one of the parents because of his resemblance to his former soul mate. The father begins to hate his daughter, who in appearance, in her gait, in her antics resembles the lady he hates. For the same reason, a woman is annoyed by her own son. Negative emotions directed at the hurt spouse or spouse are transferred to the children.
Sometimes a father does not love his son because he feels a competitor in him. He notices that his companion pays more time and attention to the boy. The man begins to think that from now on the spouse loves his son more. The husband begins to get angry and jealous of her baby.
Often, irritation turns into dislike for the child. The father exposes his son to insults, humiliation and undeserved criticism, raises his hand against him.
Extreme love can also lead to rejection of a son or daughter. Parents try to force their children to live according to their personal ideas. They hate their grown children for their own unfulfilled dreams. For example, a mother and father wanted to see famous scientists or designers in their grown-up descendants, but they did not live up to their parental expectations. Disappointed parents become angry and hate them for the rest of their lives. Sometimes, on the contrary, children's successes begin to annoy. Envy breeds quarrels.
Often, boundless love for grandchildren leads spouses to believe that their children are raising them incorrectly. They accuse a daughter or son of complete irresponsibility. The hostile attitude ends in rejection and hatred of grown-up children.
Sometimes a mother does not like an adult daughter because she envies her. She sees how her heiress is flourishing, prettier. The mother herself begins to age slowly. Against the background of a beautiful young person, the woman feels uncomfortable. The parent shifts the responsibility for her unpleasant sensations onto her own child. And hatred instills in the heart of the mother forever.
Comparison leads to competition and envy. Over time, negative emotions develop into dislike and hostility. Former gorgeous beauties, accustomed to being in the spotlight, can hate their own daughter all their lives.
The envious mother endlessly criticizes her, devalues her daughter's achievements, reproaches the moral and financial costs invested in her.
How to behave?
It is difficult for children growing up without parental love to achieve great success in life. The hatred of the mother or father provokes various diseases. It is difficult to come to terms with such behavior of your own parents. If that's the case, don't be afraid to give other people a chance to love you. Be open and friendly with trustworthy adults. Spend more time with trusted friends and family. Don't be alone with your grief. Prolonged loneliness affects the mental and physical condition.
Ancestors are not chosen, so you need to accept the fact that you have toxic parents. Do not blame yourself for this, because you are not responsible for them. Don't make excuses for parenting. Record in your personal journal all the bad events and positive moments associated with your relationship. Don't be angry with your mother. The problem is not with you, but with her. Forgive her.Forgiveness will restore your peace of mind.
Minimize communication with relatives who hate you. Distance yourself, run away from them. Train yourself from childhood to an independent life. Learn to allocate a budget, use household appliances, and make various payments. Family problems should not be the reason for leaving school. Improve your intellectual and professional level throughout your life.
Block insults and humiliation. There is no need to prove anything to such parents. Respond to rudeness in monosyllables, try to quickly end an unpleasant conversation. Do not take out your heartache on other people, including brothers and sisters. Don't copy your parent's hateful behavior patterns.
If you are physically or even sexually influenced by a parent, do not withdraw into yourself. Seek help from loved ones or people you trust. In difficult cases, when your health or life is in danger, do not be afraid to file a report with the police.
A good option is to seek help from a psychologist or psychotherapist. You should honestly tell a specialist about all the problems associated with parent-child relationships. He will analyze the unpleasant situation in detail and tell you what to do next.
You can protect yourself from toxic parents with the help of certain mechanisms developed by a specialist especially for you.
Psychologist's advice
You need to share your feelings with close friends. Tell them about your problems. Talking frankly with a trustworthy person about difficult family relationships is a relief. But try not to become emotionally dependent on this subject.
It is advisable to have a mentor in the person of a coach, teacher or boss. Inquire about how this person was able to achieve a certain success. Ask for help in reaching your training, study or work goals. A mentor will never be able to replace parents, but will help to understand a difficult situation.
Never compare the attitude of your parents towards you and your sisters or brothers. Adults themselves sometimes do not realize that they treat their children differently. There are good reasons for looking after a brother or sister more closely. Parents can behave intuitively. Concentrate on your own relationship with your mother and father.
Accept adequately criticism and insults addressed to you. Sometimes in this way, a loved one tries to cope with personal problems. Do not understand the obscene words literally escaping from his lips, do not take them personally.
Try to transform negative thoughts into positive thoughts. For example, your father called you a fool because of your inability to model. Start thinking right away that enrolling in a modeling class and doing your personal work will help you master this difficult business.
Treat yourself with great care. Take care of yourself, do not succumb to various temptations in the form of smoking, alcohol or drug use. Take care of your own health from a young age. Exercise, eat right, and spend more time outdoors.
Start leading an interesting life filled with pleasant experiences. Making concrete contributions to social life will distract you from sad thoughts about difficult family relationships. An active social life will help raise your self-esteem and build self-confidence. Join the volunteer movement, join a hobby club or join the sports section. After a while, you will definitely feel like a happy person.
Thank you very much, you helped a lot.