Loneliness together: reasons and a way out

People live in families because they feel calmer. In addition, it is interesting to spend time with loved ones. However, family is not a guarantee that you will not be alone. Some partners may be married and feel very lonely at the same time. Why it happens? Let's try to figure it out.

When a couple outwardly looks quite prosperous, but in fact the partners are strangers to each other, then this state is called loneliness together. This phenomenon often occurs in the marriage of two people who have completely different interests. This happens because each of the members of the strange family lives only by their own needs. It also happens that the feeling of loneliness covers only one partner, while the other feels quite comfortable in the relationship. For example, a woman lives with a man she does not love. His interests are alien to her.

The behavior of such a woman can be fully explained. Love unites people very much. If a woman is not happily married, then she does not have warm feelings for her spouse. Therefore, the fair sex does not worry about her husband and does not want to appear with him in public. Human psychology is as follows: if a feeling of uselessness arises, then the subject who felt it gradually also begins to move away. He instinctively feels that he is preventing his other half from living fully. Therefore, in turn, the unloved husband also gradually begins to move away from his wife.

The conclusion is this: there is a family, but there is no happiness. Only in one family, such mutual detachment leads to divorce, and in another, the partners get used to such manifestations and continue to live together. They pretend that they are doing well and that they are happy. Thus, spouses become single people who just live together. It should be noted that individual couples can consciously take the path of detachment for various valid reasons. This happens when partners cannot divorce because of children. People stay together for their sake, so as not to harm their psyche.

In turn, children involuntarily feel the disorder in the family. When awareness comes to them, they begin to behave inappropriately. This shouldn't come as a surprise. It's just that children who grow up in a dysfunctional family will be mentally unbalanced. Also, some couples stay together due to mercantile interests. If people are satisfied with this situation in their family, it means that they have come to terms with it. However, here, too, various negative long-term consequences can occur. Let's consider another scenario. One of the partners nevertheless begins to gradually realize that he is alone in marriage. As a result, the joy of life gradually disappears, since every day is similar to one another.

Loneliness together can happen suddenly. This manifestation will surely destroy your familiar world and may even lead to divorce. Keep in mind that marriage is not always happy. In marriage, a person may feel lonely. Marriage may not relieve loneliness, but, on the contrary, cause it. Loneliness in family life occurs because people do not always make contact with a loved one and do not fully open their souls to him.

Loneliness in a couple can still occur when a family member suddenly falls ill. Then a person begins to think only about his illness. Suffering from despair, he fenced himself off from loved ones, including from children. The fatigue of both spouses from living together can also cause alienation from each other. Often, people who have lived together for a long time move away due to the departure of their grown-up children from the family. This factor puts pressure on older people and causes depression. If each of the spouses suffers one by one, then over time this state of affairs only gets worse. The result will be loneliness together.

There is another example: a person loses contact with his “I” and closes in on himself. And then the process goes on increasing. As a result, if a self-contained subject is married, he begins to distance himself from his other half. This is how loneliness arises together. There are standard reasons that inevitably lead to detachment in the family. Let's consider them in more detail.

If people do not have certain points of contact, then they simply cannot and should not be near. Sometimes subjects with different vital interests still find each other and even create families. They enter into marriage as a result of rash actions, a kind of "outbreak". She suddenly blinds partners. Therefore, for some time the newlyweds think that they are made for each other.

When gray days come, then such partners begin to do the things that they were doing earlier. For example, a wife is a ballerina, she gets very tired during rehearsals and comes home just to rest. She turns on opera music and falls asleep to it. Her husband is a biker, not used to going to bed early. He loves noisy companies and drive. The couple do not immediately realize that they have made a mistake. For some time they try to keep family balance and make concessions to each other.

However, it cannot go on that long. And people with different interests are gradually starting to move away. The ballerina lingers more and more at rehearsals, and the biker spends more and more time with friends.

Relationships between people should be based on love and mutual respect. However, there are also relationships that are based on unhealthy attachments. Do not confuse love and attachment, as these feelings are very different.

If there is an attachment between people, and not love, then the relationship is built on the imposed obligations. For example, a henpecked man is afraid of his wife, and she, in turn, keeps him tight-lipped. Therefore, a man is forced to deceive his wife and go to various tricks so that his life does not turn into hell. Thus, he gradually withdraws into himself and begins to feel alienated.

Here's another example: a married woman may feel lonely because her husband constantly puts pressure on her. He does not allow her to communicate with her friends and constantly demands attention to himself. If the wife opposes such an attitude, then the man may use violence. As a result, the fair sex falls into the so-called family slavery. From this, her mental state deteriorates. Therefore, she removes herself from the family and withdraws into herself. This is how loneliness comes.

In society, people who know how to listen are highly valued. In order not to fall into loneliness together, spouses must hear and listen to each other. If this does not happen, then each of them begins to "live alone." In appearance, such a family seems to be quite prosperous. but if you "dig" deeper, you can find out: both partners practically do not communicate with each other. To express their thoughts and grievances, the wife goes to visit a friend, and the husband communicates with colleagues at work.

A marriage in which people feel lonely often saves life. Both spouses are well aware that they have long become strangers to each other. However, they are united by a common financial situation and a well-established daily routine.

Spouses live the way neighbors live in a communal apartment. They exchange pleasantries and even congratulate each other on the holidays. But by and large, none of them have real feelings towards their marriage partner.

You can return the old relationship. Remember, if there is a desire, then there is a way out. Let's consider what to do. Talk to your spouse. A frank conversation about painful things is the best way out of this situation. To find a common language with a person, you just need to talk to him. So you can understand what is happening in his soul. Then it will be easier for both of you to sort out your feelings and desires.

In no case do not plunge into a "gray" routine. Try to make sure that you do everything and always do together. For example: start meeting each other after work. Gather as often as possible at a common table and cook your favorite meals. If you are a young couple, try to have children. This will help you develop common interests and concerns. You will become a complete family. The husband (or wife) comes home irritated. If he (she) "splashes out" this negative on his other half, then over time the partner will begin to withdraw into himself. To prevent loneliness together, eliminate the problem that lies in your mind. It is not your partner's or partner's fault that you have a nervous job. So start treating your wife (husband) with respect.

Many of our problems "come" from childhood. If your parents lived aloof, then try not to repeat their mistakes. You saw how your whole family suffered from this.

You need to understand that loneliness together occurs when mutual understanding disappears between the halves. In such a family, there is no respect for the desires of their partner. Also, each of the partners does not show any sincere emotions towards each other. People in love very often idealize their chosen ones. They don't want to see any flaws in them. When feelings cool slightly, then spouses begin to analyze their feelings.

At this time, each of them tries to consider the relationship through the prism of their personal interests. If the decision to marry was frivolous and thoughtless, partners will gradually begin to alienate from each other. To prevent this from happening at the very beginning of your family journey, try to respect each other. Therefore, do not impose your desires and thoughts on the other half. Then harmony in the relationship can return again. As you marry, prepare yourself for the ongoing work of improving your relationship. If you feel a "chill" that has arisen between you, you need to analyze your actions and the actions of your partner.

If, as a result of the analysis, you realize that your interests diverge in different directions, then take all measures to unite them.

• Take a vacation and go where you are alone with each other. If your husband loves fishing, and you are quiet, then choose a place in nature near the reservoir.
• Sport brings people together. Join the gym or go for a morning (evening) run together.
• Do things together: go shopping or cook food.
• Start building your shared home. At first, you will be passionate about construction, and then you will be able to relax in nature with friends. Then you won't have enough time to think about loneliness.