What is attachment to a person and how to get rid of it?

A person's attachment to a person has an ambiguous opinion on the part of the people around him. Most often, this feeling is positive. But if you look at him from the other side, then it can be noted that strong affection can be disguised as love. Then it very quickly turns into stickiness and becomes a painful addiction.

Psychology says: a feeling of closeness to a person, which is based on great sympathy, devotion or love, is called affection... This feeling arises for people in a child from early childhood, when his view of the world becomes more conscious. First, the baby becomes attached to the parents. As he grows up, his social environment expands. Educators and teachers appear in a child's life. To them, he also begins to experience a certain craving.

If the upbringing goes in the right direction, then the child grows healthy both physically and psychologically. When in relation to the child for a long time there was no necessary care, and he had to constantly beg for attention to himself from close people, importunity and dependence on external evaluation may appear in his character.

If the correct attachment has not been instilled from childhood, then in adulthood a person is not able to create positive relationships with other people.... Because of this, it may form antisocial behavior... A person expresses a penchant for something in his thoughts, in relation to food, to people, to animals, even to a separate course of his life.By and large, attachment is a habit that gives an individual pleasure.

Sympathy for something or someone gives a person comfort, since he cannot live without various emotional needs. And even if he tries, it will immediately affect the general state of mind. That's why affection exists in various relationships: in love, in friendship, in the family... This means that due to attachment, a person develops emotional closeness with people and the world around him.

Healthy attachment is flexible and allows you to easily endure separation from the object of sympathy. For example, a person in love will not throw tantrums about the fact that a loved one left her or simply left for a long time. She will try to pull herself together, despite the onset of sadness, and will steadfastly survive the separation. When there is healthy attachment in a relationship, partners give each other the opportunity to develop freely and communicate with those people who appeal to them.

However, there is also a very strong attachment, which may have pathological signs. They manifest when attachment develops into addiction. Then even a short separation from the object of adoration can be critical. In this case, panic attacks, tantrums and inappropriate behavior occur. The painful reaction of a person who has become dependent on another person narrows his world around to a minimum. An addicted person is constrained by fear of consciousness, and therefore his variability of behavior disappears. An individual with unhealthy sympathy tries to take control of the object of adoration and be around all the time.

As a result, there is a manic desire to prevent parting.... And when the partner expresses a desire to leave, the addicted person becomes hysterical. It seems to him that his life has lost its meaning. Therefore, you need to try to avoid relationships where there is an unhealthy interest of one person in another. Such a relationship will not end well.

Without attachments, a person cannot fully exist. Thanks to the feeling of closeness to people, an individual can communicate with them and calmly adapt in society. The desire for close communication with kindred spirits is an indicator of a person's mental health. With the help of attachment to close people, any of us receives the necessary support and support. Thus, we ensure our psychological safety. For example, when a person's mental attitude is at zero, he turns to his father or mother for support. So he avoids stressful loads and can quickly restore his inner self.

It should be noted that a very strong attachment or unhealthy addiction penetrates into all corners of human consciousness and affects thoughts, feelings, actions. Therefore, it is precisely such factors that experts quite reasonably compare with drug addiction.

Consider options where attachment turns into a false feeling, deforms and eventually turns into stickiness.

1. The guy has a very strong attraction and love for his girlfriend. If his consciousness is normal, then he can keep his feelings "in his hands." A young man treats his girlfriend not as his favorite thing, but as a person. And if it happens that the girl stops feeling feelings for her beloved, he will calmly accept her choice and go his own way.In case of unhealthy attachment, the guy will bother the girl all the time, further aggravating the situation. As a result, this whole story can end in tears, up to and including suicide.
2. When someone is tormented by the fear of losing an adored person, and he (she) experiences a "sick" attachment to an object, then this is also a case where unhealthy interest is clearly manifested. By and large, attachment is a child's model of interaction. If in an adult state the abnormal friendship dependence does not disappear, then, perhaps, the person needs the help of a specialist.

In order for a person not to experience unhealthy cravings for another person, it is necessary that he has formed autonomous mental control over their feelings. Thanks to this mechanism, a person does not slide into infantile dependence, but, on the contrary, his consciousness takes on a mature form.

These two factors go hand in hand. However, sometimes there is a substitution of one feeling for another. In order not to confuse these concepts, it is necessary to consider them separately. Each of us, one way or another, has formed a certain idea of love... If we talk about terminology, then love - this is a very strong sympathy that one person has for another person. Love has its own characteristics. This feeling includes the degree of frankness, trusting relationship (a complex process that includes a commonality of views), physical attraction and loyalty (this item is very important and implies not only love, but also respect for the feelings of a loved one).

Love inspires people and pushes them to express themselves. Remember the poets. When talented people fell in love, they wrote poetry. Love has a number signs. For example, such:

• thinking about a loved one;
• desire to fulfill his desires;
• wish him positive emotions;
• analysis of the actions of a loved one;
• inspiration from communication;
• unwillingness to see flaws;
• the desire for self-development to surprise a loved one.

They can appear both simultaneously and separately. When the above points appear very often, then we can talk about a persistent feeling. Considering this information, we can say that love is comparable to attachment. These feelings are very similar, but they have some differences. Attachment arises in a person to different people, animals and even to objects that have an inanimate character. In addition, attachment arises as a result of long-term adaptation and is quite a serious feeling.

For example, some people are very attached to their pets, others have an attachment to any thing: a bathrobe, slippers. A person's attachment to a person is normal and unhealthy. Unhealthy occurs when some deviations are observed in the psyche of an addicted person.

Between love and affection, there are certain differences... It will not work to immediately understand what feeling lurks in a person's soul. You need to spend some time on this. Through long-term observations of human behavior, one can understand what kind of feeling is formed in his mind. To fulfill this condition, it is necessary to rely on a number of factors.

If we are talking about love, then it can be determined by the duration of the relationship. Feeling can "live" in a person's soul for many years. For example, two people in love broke up for a number of reasons, but they continue to think about each other even when both have started a new life. Years go by, but feelings do not go away.

1. True love does not involve a large release of emotions and feelings. Partners treat each other with care and trust.
2. With true love, the inner content of his partner is important to a person, and not the superficial part.For example, a guy or a girl can be very attractive. However, at heart, this person can be callous and unfaithful.
3. With strong love, separation or spat only strengthens the relationship. Partners understand that they cannot live without each other and at the same time come to this opinion.
4. Love enables a person to develop and set personal goals. At the same time, the partner only helps and does not interfere in anything.

If we are talking about abnormal attachment, then in this case, such a relationship is more like an addiction. The partner or both partners become nervous, jealous and intolerant of both each other and the world around them.

1. Therefore, attached people become deeply unhappy. Their mind is not resting, but is in an agitated state all the time.
2. The main desire in the case of affection is not good relations, but that the partner is always in sight.
3. The partner's shortcomings are not noticed, despite their strong severity. For example, a girl is attached to a guy. It seems to her that she loves him, and he loves her. In fact, the guy is a kind of Don Juan. On this occasion, the girl gets upset and cries. Her mental state deteriorates, but jealousy makes her even more attached to her partner. Thus, she brings herself to complete degradation.
4. Relationships between partners are selfish. In this case, each of them thinks only about their own experiences.
5. Separation from a partner when attached can make the other partner depressed.
6. Sick relationships do not give relief, but intensify the situation even more. As a result, both partners get tired of each other and still cannot part.

When love passes, emptiness ensues. However, anyone can do so that this emptiness does not fill his entire world. If this happens, then the case may end in deep depression. After breaking up, most people continue to believe that everything can still change and the relationship will sparkle with bright colors. All this happens because one of the partners or both partners still experience some feelings and suffer without attention. Therefore, first of all, it is necessary to "pull yourself together" and understand that mutual love brings only joy, and residual attachment can give nothing but suffering.

This means that if there is a break in the relationship, make a choice in favor of awareness of the situation and let go of both the situation itself and your ex-partner. Some advice from psychologists will help to fulfill this condition.

1. Know that your loneliness won't last long. There are many different people in the world, and your real soul mate is among them. If you are a self-sufficient and non-hysterical person, take a break from your worries. Then, having calmed down a little and bringing your state of mind back to normal, go towards a new love.
2. You should not look for another partner immediately after separation. When a person is in despair, he cannot make an adequate decision. That is why it is worth postponing the search for new relationships.
3. If you are not letting go of resentment and hope for the renewal of the relationship, then try to realize the following: if your partner stopped loving you and left you, then his feelings for you have died out. And this did not happen immediately. It is possible that he has long since said goodbye to you on a subconscious level, and only now has he made his final decision. This means that you should not humiliate yourself and continue to aggravate the situation. When a person behaves too intrusively towards another person, it always causes irritation and even anger.
4. If the pain of loss does not let go, then you need to seek help from a specialist. He will help.He will either prescribe medication or you will undergo sessions that will allow you to restore your mental balance.
5. Get busy with something. Let the new hobby take over you completely. This way you can take your mind off your sad thoughts and make new friends. And along with them, joy will return to your life.