How to distinguish love from affection?

Ever since childhood, each of us becomes aware that without love there will be no happy personal life. Having matured, many begin to look for a person who is destined for them and with whom they will be able to carry the much-desired sense of self through the years. However, due to a lack of experience, something completely different is often mistaken for love, and this leads to disappointment, destroys hopes and breaks destinies. But still real affection can be distinguished from ordinary attachment, and it is advisable to do this before marriage and children are born.

Psychologically speaking, love and affection have many "components." Each of these concepts - both love and affection - is quite capacious and largely individual. Although they have "obligatory" peculiarities.

Whatever set of sensations each person puts into their own idea of ​​love, it always contains the following components:

• confidence;
• attraction;
• loyalty;
• desire to make your partner happy;
• accepting it with all its faults.

The desire to open up to a loved one and rely on him - natural for love. Psychologically, this is a very interesting and, in each case, a unique process that starts when there are common views on things that are fundamental for the couple's participants, on their perception of what is happening around them, and so on.

Continuation of this is physiological side of relationshipswhen the object of love seems outwardly attractive, regardless of how much it actually meets the generally accepted canons of beauty. You always admire "your man". His fullness or freckles, for example, can attract and cause a storm of emotions. Such sparks ignite a lot of mutual sensations of a romantic nature, and this is very important for true love.

In it, people are absorbed in each other so much that do not think about the possibility of adventure on the side, although fidelity is a much broader concept than unwillingness to be intimate with someone else besides the one you call your beloved. The desire to be near as long as possible, to overcome any obstacles on the way to each other is evidence of loyalty, and therefore, true feelings - just like acceptance of the other with all his flaws in character and habits.

In true love, the personality of the other half is crucial. With this person it is interesting not only to be given carnal pleasures - it is interesting to live with him, to share impressions, to share interests. It is never boring to be with a loved one.

Affection, unlike love, is built on ordinary sympathy for a person. The one who is near, simply does not cause rejection - and nothing more. You can communicate with him, make plans, deal. But there is a selfish interest behind such a relationship, such as the fear of being alone. Sometimes both partners are fully aware that they are not connected by a real great feeling, but by some kind of convenience that makes life easier or allows you not to change it dramatically. And if you look around, you can see how many couples live by concluding such an unspoken agreement.

When experiencing attachment, not love, it is important to be aware of this, so as not to become a victim of self-deception. Life is multifaceted, and such a view of what is happening can drive you into a trap, from which it is not easy to get out.

Often our problem is that we confuse love and affection, naively mistaking one for the other, and we cannot distinguish between these feelings, the more they really are so similar. Therefore, before closely intertwining destinies, it is better check yourself and your partner for internal feelings... Moreover, there are quite specific "beacons"which are easy to navigate.

When it comes to real feeling, it is characterized by the following signs:

• a loving person almost always returns his thoughts to the object of his love, reckoning with his interests and feelings;
• he strives to develop and become better;
• has true respect for a partner;
• does not change the attitude towards the one he loves, no matter how the person behaves.

If over time these sensations do not pass, but only become stronger, it is safe to say that the universe has awarded with real love.

Signs of affection include:

• a person puts his own interests ahead of the interests of a partner;
• the shortcomings of the person nearby are annoying, and you want to remake it for yourself;
• those experiencing attachment expect changes for the better, but they themselves do nothing for this;
• in a couple of frequent conflicts and grievances;
• there is a periodic feeling of melancholy and loneliness, even if the partner is nearby.

Comparing the concepts of love and affection, one should pay attention to a number of nuances that show the fundamental difference between them.

Unlike affection love is never passive. There is always a certain atmosphere between truly loving people, filled with passion, zeal and endless mutual attraction. When it comes to affection, instead of joy, two often feel anxiety, which imperceptibly, gradually poisons life, turning it into gray everyday life. If you truly love a person, you live with a desire to take care of him, and if not, it is always more important to take care of yourself first.

No wonder they say love inspires. If you feel the wings behind your back, then the days are no longer gray, because you are filled from within with strength, powerful life-giving energy. When it comes to affection, sometimes there is a feeling of pressure in a relationship, stiffness... If there is no real feeling, it constantly haunts feeling insecure. With the one who is near cannot speak easily and remain silent, as is the case with true love.

Even the reaction to the attention of the partner is different in case of dislike. Sometimes it is burdensome and annoying, which never happens in a full-fledged love relationship. Even jealousy in this situation is characterized by internal destructiveness, since it demonstrates the most acute manifestations of painful dependence on each other. In true love, people do not seek to rule one over the other, but enjoy inner freedom.

The problem is that it is often possible to truly understand whether a loved one is nearby or a neighbor in the apartment is often possible only with life experience. Those who did not know about true love, and experienced only falling in love, can understand what true feelings mean, sometimes only after parting and meeting again. So before you go to the registry office, it is better try to still define your inner feelingby being honest with yourself and throwing away childhood notions of romance.

Even if a marriage is concluded and life is settled, and only affection and habit are associated with a loved one, thoughts arise that this vicious circle should be broken. This usually happens if at least one of the partners meets someone else, whom he recognizes, reveals to himself, starting to experience true love.

If nothing really new looms on the horizon that will fill life with bright colors and fresh sensations, people often do not see the point in changes - they are afraid to make things worse. But whether something will change in life depends only on the internal attitude. You can try and turn attachment into love.

But first you have to give up the attachment itself. To do this, there are a number of important steps to be taken:

• analyze the partner's shortcomings;
• think about everything that caused negativity in the relationship;
• give up enjoying the painful side of the relationship;
• spend more time with relatives and pleasant people.

Many are convinced that people do not change over the years, but if this is true, then only partially. According to psychologists, to a large extent our personality consists of a set of habits. And if you set a goal, then they can be changed. It has been proven that it takes 21 days to form a habit, as well as to quit it.

Having shown awareness, when you constantly control your actions, without falling into "sleep on the go", during this time it is quite possible to change your behavior. This will certainly affect the way your partner looks at you. Although you will already look at everything around in a different way. Then either new virtues will open up for you in the one with whom you have become accustomed, or you will let go of the person, completely changing your life.

How to distinguish love from affection, see the video.