Affection in a child's life

From infancy, a child needs a sense of safety and security. With a lack of attention, warm attitude, affection and love, a feeling of alienation appears. The kid seeks to maintain closeness with others. He feels the need for a psychological connection with his own being.

The psychology of motherhood is driven by a deep emotional connection with the baby. It is the mother who lays in the baby the foundation of confidence, healthy self-esteem, and the ability to open up to other people. Child-parent psychological connection influences the ability to establish contacts with others.

Strong attachment to parents determines the future relationship of the child throughout his life. It provides the baby with a biological protection function. The indifference of an adult leads to the formation of attachment in a distorted form. The result is the development of dislike and irritation towards others.

You need to praise him, take him in your arms, smile at him more often, but in no case should you lisp. A mother should always accept her child, be sensitive to him and clearly understand the desires of the child.

It is important for a kid to feel that he is always welcome, they believe in him and he is trusted. Affectionate words addressed to the baby inspire confidence in him. A warm attitude towards him contributes to the formation of a safe type of attachment in the child's life.The stability of the psychological connection with the closest person leads the baby to positive interaction with people.

Feeling love for his person, the child is filled with a sense of unconditional value. Having matured, he will be able to adequately respond to critical statements from others. Criticism will not hurt him mentally. Such a person will not develop a dependence on the praise and approval of others.

Secure attachment develops in early childhood. It represents a stable, developed sense of one's own security, safety, and faith in one's own strength. Psychologists distinguish 3 main phases that are of great importance for the formation of healthy attachment in children under one year old.

During the first three months of life, the little man seeks intimacy with any subject. For the crumbs, it does not matter who approaches him: a family member or a completely unfamiliar person. In order to draw attention to his person, he grunts, smiles, cries, moves his arms and legs.

In the period from 3 to 6 months, the baby begins to recognize his loved ones. At the sight of familiar faces, he rejoices, reaches out with his hands to his mother. He meets strangers with less pleasure. It is necessary to respond correctly to the crying of the baby. It is necessary to calm him down, pick him up, provide the necessary help. The contact should be accompanied by a friendly smile. The baby should feel completely safe. In this case, the child gradually develops a healthy attachment.

After the onset of seven months of age, the baby has a selectivity in communication. He already distinguishes his people from strangers. The child with all his soul becomes attached to the subject caring for him. His departure upsets the baby. When an unfamiliar face appears, the baby seeks protection from a loved one.

From 1 year to 3 years old, the baby intensively learns the world. The main task of the mother and father is to create a safe environment for children's research. A parent should always be in the availability zone in case of unforeseen circumstances.

From 3 to 5 years, the stage of formed independence begins. This period is characterized by the development of relationships with people. The kid learns to build relationships with peers, to regulate conflict situations. The child has his first friends. You should support him, create a prosperous emotional environment.

It is at this time that the child begins to conflict with adults, defending his personal boundaries. It is best to set up hard and fast rules. Instead of intimidation and threats, compromise must be made. It is important for a kid to understand that parental affection and love are stronger than any quarrels. Scandals of parents at this age are very hard to bear. Their divorce leads to the development of anxious attachment. We need a good atmosphere in the family.

From 6 to 12 years old, the child learns to manage relationships and distance. He should be able to distance himself from family members during his studies and to get closer to them when they need their support. This skill will come in handy in building future adult relationships. Parents should not be overly protective of their child. Let him solve school problems on his own, do his homework on his own and build relationships with friends. And at the same time, the child should not be left to the mercy of fate. We must immediately respond to his requests for help.

If you find that your child is unable to cope with something, do not be afraid to intervene in the situation.But total control over him should be ruled out, otherwise he will not learn to take responsibility for his own actions and seek help at the right time.

The influence of child-maternal deprivation on the formation of attachment is great. In orphanage children, limiting the ability to meet mental needs often leads to a violation of secure attachment. The hostility and coldness of adults in dysfunctional families can also disrupt healthy emotional connections.

The growing up process of a little man should not be focused only on the mother. The inability to dispense with her attention for a long time is considered an affective emotional connection. Strong attachment to the mother creates anxiety. This means that the child is afraid of losing the parent, so he does not leave her for a minute. Some children get very attached to a toy. It allows them to cope with anxiety, calm down and cope with separation from their mother.

Often, affective attachment leads the child to manipulate adults. In order to obtain the desired result, the child throws a tantrum. As you get older, the distortion of emotions increases, which can lead to mental illness.

The following disorders become the consequences of affective attachment:

• disinhibited disorder is expressed in the inability to draw boundaries between loved ones and alien adults, clinging and sticking to everyone in a row;
• reactive disorder consists in the complete refusal of any external contact and the full concentration of their attention on their own mother.

It is very important for a person from childhood to lay the correct program of behavior, otherwise serious problems may arise in adolescence and throughout adulthood. Increased attachment to an adult indicates a breakdown in the stable psychological bond with parents. If a child is attached to a stranger and clings to him, then this indicates affective attachment.

Psychologists identify some types of attachment disorder in children.

• The neurotic psychological connection is the search for negative attention. To this end, the baby provokes the parents to show irritation and subsequent punishment. This type is observed as a result of excessive custody or neglect of the child.
• An ambivalent emotional connection is characterized by a demonstration of an ambivalent attitude towards a loved one. A child can first flatter him, after a few moments be rude and even hit, and after a while he will begin to avoid communicating with this person. This unhealthy sequence of actions arises from the dual standard of parenting behavior.
• Avoidant attachment is evidenced by the withdrawal and sullenness of the child. He does not allow adults into his life, refrains from trusting relationships. Such a baby avoids contact with parents, tries to demonstrate to everyone his independence and independence. This behavior is a kind of protection from the mother who does not express any emotions. In response, the child wants to convey to the parents that he can cope without them.
• A blurry style of attachment happens when trying to get warm relationships, love and attention from strangers. This behavior is often found in children from orphanages. It is not difficult for them to use such messages as mom and dad in communication with completely strangers. They can then release them immediately and easily. Indistinctness in contacts, excessive attachment indicate the desire to compensate for a qualitative emotional connection with quantity.
• The disorganized type is inherent in children who constantly experience corporal punishment, violence and abuse. In some families, a weak mother is not able to protect her baby from the bullying of a merciless father. A disorganized attachment can be caused by an aggressive or depressed mother. Children raised in such families are characterized by chaotic, unpredictable emotions and reactions. They do not want love and prefer to be feared.

It is possible to determine the presence of an affective type of attachment in a baby by a persistent unwillingness to come into contact with adults. The child avoids them, pushes them away when trying to stroke him, does not participate in the proposed game. A distinctive feature can be alertness, fearfulness, tearfulness.

A symptom of ambivalent attachment is an ambiguous reaction to the mother's return. The kid is at the same time glad for her arrival and angry because of the forced parting with her. He can happily rush to her and immediately push or hit her.

With a disoriented type of emotional connection, the baby literally freezes during the departure of the parent, and her return is accompanied by running away and hiding. Some children behave aggressively towards other children. Someone can show aggression towards himself: bang his head against the wall, scratch and bite his hands. One of the signs of attachment disorder is lack of distance with adults. This is a kind of way to attract attention to yourself. Often, excessive obsession is observed among inmates of orphanages and boarding schools.