What is self-esteem and how can you develop it?

Who among us has not heard calls to us to behave with dignity? Usually about dignity we begin to recognize in childhood, but for some reason this concept often remains a mystery even for adults. Many people even confuse dignity with pride. This article will tell you how to form your own dignity in yourself, your child.

Self-esteem differs significantly from pride. Pride - excessive pride, often exaggerated and unreasonable. It is difficult to communicate and work with the proud, while a person with healthy egoism and dignity is quite pleasant in all respects.

A person with self-esteem does not compare himself with those around him, he maintains inner calmness, is confident in himself. With pride, a person mentally puts himself above others, believes that he has certain privileges in front of them. A worthy person does not allow this either to himself or to those around him. He does not seek to establish himself at the expense of someone, does not try to prove to others that he is better, smarter, stronger and more successful.

Self-esteem is always accompanied by adequate and healthy self-esteem. Such a person makes decisions based on personal principles, and not on public opinion or imposed judgments. He is caring and attentive, he always has his own position.He knows how to say "no" if a request or offer contradicts his worldview. He never claims that his opinion is the only correct one. If necessary, he can defend his position, but he will do it very calmly, evenly, without imposing his opinion on another, without being offended.

The development of a sense of self-worth begins in childhood and proceeds especially rapidly during adolescence.... It is at this time that a person, due to circumstances, the influence of the environment, can form an exaggerated, hypertrophied self-esteem, painful, on the verge of pride. The other extreme is the formation of low self-esteem, in which there is no question of personal dignity.

Over the course of life, the sense of self-worth may change under the influence of circumstances.... In some situations, it can grow and become somewhat overestimated, in some it may temporarily decrease. It depends on the current sense of self. But the foundation, the core, is formed once and for all in childhood. Correction is admissible later, but it is already less effective than the initial formation.

In addition to self-esteem and self-attitude, it participates in its formation internal control of a person, his ability to set goals and achieve them.

Unhealthy self-worth may be a consequence of childhood experiences... Parents often urge toddlers to behave quietly, modestly; compliments are forcibly devalued. Or, conversely, the child hears them too often. A child who was scolded, punished, shrinks, subconsciously trying to decrease in size, to become invisible. The same thing happens with his self-esteem. If it often "shrinks", then gradually an inadequate assessment of oneself is formed.

Is always it is easier to cultivate a sense of dignity in a child, than to increase it in an adult who is used to feeling unnecessary, insignificant, unimportant. But nothing is impossible. If you think that your self-esteem is not formed or there are deviations, then you have already stepped on the right path. Awareness of the fact of the problem is the first step towards solving it. Further, only tactics, strategy and a fair amount of hard work are needed.

The fair sex is more likely than men to experience problems with self-esteem. At any age, the understanding can come that you are acting without respect for yourself, in the interests of others, that you are not living your life.

Stop and look at yourself carefully, list all your advantages, achievements, positive qualities, praise yourself and understand that you have every right to a decent life.

• Say stop to manipulation. Don't let others hurt you. Stop communicating with those who constantly seek to "pry", offend you, offend or disrespectfully speak about your qualities or hobbies. Nobody is safe from meeting such people. Don't let them be manipulated. Say boldly "no" and step aside. Do not do imposed actions, do not succumb to provocations, if you are persuaded to do something that causes internal protest, contrary to your personal desires and feelings.
• Cultivate empathy and sensitivity. Listen carefully to your desires and feelings. Don't ignore the voice of your intuition. Decide what you really want. Respect your desires, but equally respect the desires of others, empathize, do not stand aside. Feel free to talk about your feelings. Ask yourself more often what you want at the moment.Whenever possible, try to satisfy these desires. Try to speak directly to others, making it clear what you like and what you don’t like.
• Train yourself to respect yourself. Stop devaluing your achievements and abilities. There is no person in the world who would not be respected for anything. Even serial killers have polar opposite qualities for which they can theoretically be respected. Write on paper a dozen of your positive qualities, special skills and abilities. Next, write the same number of items that list the skills and abilities you would like to change. The action plan is ready. Go to it and return to your list from time to time to check where you are on the journey. Respect yourself for everything that has already been done and for what remains to be done - up front.
• Get rid of addictions... This is not only about bad habits, but also about psychological dependence - on work, on relationships with someone. Addiction is always toxic, it poisons you, weakens you. At first, the process will require a conscious and even painful effort, but it is worth it - very soon you will realize that you are free, strong and can do anything. You will cease to be afraid of losing the object of addiction. Don't allow yourself to feel guilty. It destroys self-esteem, inner strength, undermines your dignity.

Urbanization has led to a weakening of the natural function of most men. Many representatives of the stronger sex have lost the actual need to win and hunt, bring mammoths to the cave and always "be on horseback", these needs have migrated deep inside. Together with them, self-esteem is often hidden, which is closely dependent on self-esteem. It is difficult to extract it from there, but it is possible.

• Look at yourself objectively... Celebrate all your strengths without giving an emotional assessment. For example, "I am generous," but you do not need to add "Therefore, I am poor." Or "I'm a kind person", but avoid adding "And everyone uses it." Just dignity, no comment. Next, make an equally stingy and unemotional list of your shortcomings. It will become a program of action - start changing what you don't like. Don't blame yourself for the flaws.
• Learn to set realistic and achievable goals... See things realistically. The goals must be achievable and relevant to you. Each goal achieved or its intermediate stage will become a compelling reason for increasing self-respect.
• Nobody owes anything... Nobody owes you anything. Therefore, you need to form a healthy view of expectations. Accept help and support with gratitude, if necessary, feel free to ask for help, but do not expect certain behavior or actions from others. They, like you, have every right to live the life they want, regardless of the expectations of others.
• Praise yourself. Feel free to compliment yourself on a job well done, a repaired car, and help around the house. Make this habit automatic, and you yourself will not notice how confidence will increase, and self-esteem will begin to increase.

Psychologists advise all parents, without exception, to remember that the main formation of self-esteem occurs precisely in childhood. And in this the following guidelines will help.

• Love your baby unconditionally, not for something and not in spite of something, let the child feel that he is loved under any circumstances, and not only after the brought "five" or a medal for winning the city championship.
• Do not force your child to follow the path that you have defined for him.... He is a person and does not have to meet or not meet anyone's expectations. Don't be too demanding.Always ask your child's opinion.
• Show that you are always ready to help your little one. This is not about tying a big kid's shoelaces or doing homework for him. Don't confuse overprotection with a normal attitude towards childhood problems.
• Avoid insults and derogatory statements, if the child does not obey or makes a mistake. Calmly, with dignity, explain what it is, and suggest options for correction.
• Do not compare your child with other children to point out flaws or advantages to him.... If you need a comparison, compare the actions or achievements of the kid himself - “Before you could not draw like that, but now you tried and succeeded!”, “You used to do it better, but now you are distracted and the result is not the most impressive. Let's try to concentrate! "

It is almost impossible to lose the self-esteem gained during upbringing. But different situations can happen in which self-esteem is temporarily undermined. The following tips will help you regain your normal sense of self.

• Remember who you really are, again re-read or list your merits. In a difficult situation, this will become a fulcrum.
• If there are signs of weakening self-esteem, it is worth give yourself extra attention - their health, appearance, physical form. Introduce these activities into your plan.
• Constantly learn new things... Develop intellectually, spiritually. Read, watch good movies, make time for hobbies. This will help restore the lost inner harmony.
• Develop a habit of looking at everything with optimism.... Difficulties and problems are not an obstacle for a person, but useful lessons, if you cope with them, while maintaining dignity, then the experience will be invaluable.
• Conquer your fears... On their own or with the help of specialists - in any case, the victory over fear and insecurity will be a good reason to respect yourself.
• Don't be afraid to change your life... Remove from it those who question your self-esteem, bring negativity and chaos into your existence. Surround yourself with positive people and build healthy relationships with them.