Features of the avoidant type of attachment

Childhood affection for parents determines the development of further relationships throughout a person's life. Reaction to pain, to separation from a loved one, trust in oneself and other people are formed depending on the stability of the emotional connection with loved ones. It is difficult for a person with an avoidant attachment to establish trusting relationships with others.

The avoidant type of attachment is formed when a person experiences discomfort when communicating with his loved ones. It is difficult for an individual to open his feelings to others, to completely trust even a loved one. He prefers to act independently in all situations in order to avoid direct dependence on someone. For this reason, all his relationships with others are superficial.

This type of attachment is often the result of severe psychological trauma that causes emotional blockages. Emotional inaccessibility, callousness, inability to compassion, attitudes towards distrust and insensitivity are a kind of protection. The subject behaves towards another person in this way, because he does not want to experience the intense pain of rejection.

Experts identify 2 main types of avoidant attachment.

• Anxious-avoidant type attachment develops in response to maternal coldness, unresponsiveness, distancing, rejection and stinginess when a parent shows love for a child. The need for intimacy leads to frustration, so he tries to avoid close connection with others. Parents do not respond to a call for help and do not show any response to the child's needs.Various traumatic situations, violence, corporal punishment can also cause the formation of anxious-avoidant attachment. Sometimes this type of emotional connection occurs in children who are overprotected by their parents. They try so hard to absorb the child that he wants to run away somewhere far away, to hide from them. In this case, there is no place to secure attachment, since the baby does not feel safe in the relationship, but experiences fear of absorption.

• With avoidant-reject type attachment, in contrast to the anxious-avoidant variety, has a low level of anxiety and a positive perception of oneself. However, attitudes towards other people have a negative connotation, which adversely affects building an emotionally close relationship and expressing their own feelings. Lack of anxiety is often achieved by breaking off a relationship with a partner. The transition to a new stage of the relationship is often accompanied by escape. Sometimes the companion only has to come to terms with the inaccessibility of his soul mate and stop trying to restore relations, when suddenly the partner resumes communication. Relationships are built on the “come and go” principle.

Personality disorder can manifest as attachment. It is this type of psychological connection that is often inherent in people with narcissistic and antisocial personality disorder. Narcissists and psychopaths enjoy the very process of conquering their victim, followed by a loss of interest in her, and a demonstration of coldness and emotional inaccessibility begins.

Most often, the avoidant form of attachment occurs in men. Painful breakups and rejections, coupled with social stereotypes that a man shouldn't cry, lead to him. Emotions are blocked from childhood. The prohibition on crying boys freezes their feelings, which can subsequently lead men to early heart attacks. It is impossible to forbid the violent manifestation of emotions to the representative of the stronger sex.

An indifferent attitude towards a child or, conversely, excessive custody discourages him from being in close relationships. The kid does not even cry when separated from his mother. And although she notices her return, she continues to go about her business, not rushing happily to her parent. A person keeps his distance from early childhood. He prefers not to be in any relationship at all and does not tolerate tactile contact. If a mother takes such a child in her arms, then he tries to distance himself, thereby demonstrating a denial of any feelings for her.

In adults, there is a desire to move away from subjects approaching them, avoidance of love. This behavior leads to depression and loneliness. Their relationships with the opposite sex usually lack deep intimacy and strong emotional connection. They do not become attached with all their soul to a partner, do not miss him. They may not call or answer calls for a long time, and then behave as if nothing had happened. They are in no hurry to tie the knot, and they consider meeting with a loved one a temporary phenomenon.

Such people avoid tender feelings and heart-to-heart conversations. Do not support attempts to talk about the love feelings of a partner. They protect themselves from the emotions of the soul mate. They can have a good time with their companion without quarrels and scandals, but at the same time look for adventures on the side and new love in parallel. Subject changes partners frequently. His inconstancy often causes psychological trauma to others.

A man usually has no obligations to a companion. Ladies speak of their partners as heroes of not their own novel.When approaching in a relationship, fear often arises, and the person is emotionally closed. The escaped bride is a prime example of the manifestation of anxious-avoidant affection. The woman has a manifestation of horror in front of the upcoming new life. She is afraid of her new status and the unknown. On the one hand, a person strives for closeness, on the other, he fears rejection.

By suppressing their own feelings, people with the avoidant type of attachment often show aggression. Sometimes underlined independence and even arrogance hides self-doubt, low self-esteem.

A person with an avoidant type of attachment does not try to convey his emotions to another person, but suppresses any feelings in himself, minimizes them. But internal discomfort provokes the emergence of hostility towards a partner. He begins to push this person away from him.

Intimate relationships are accompanied by a defensive stance and detachment. The longest relationships develop with representatives of an anxious type of attachment, as they try to keep them in any way, forgiving everything. A chill in a relationship does not scare an anxious person, who goes for rapprochement even when a representative of the avoidant type begins to suffocate in a relationship and runs away. Temporary distance ends with the resumption of communication.

The ability to suppress their emotions allows people with avoidant attachment to achieve great success in the work field. They do not need approval, do not accumulate resentment, do not feel fear of a risky event, have determination and confidence in their abilities. Such individuals are able to remain judicious in difficult situations without dramatizing events. Most often, their ideas and plans are implemented in full. But this does not mean that all people with this type of attachment are successful and rich.

American scientists are of the opinion that the type of attachment does not change throughout a person's life. The stability of the model of relationships laid down in childhood is observed. The formed type of attachment becomes an integral part of the personality. What should people with an avoidant style of emotional connection do? They hide from their feelings and emotions, so they don’t know how to deal with their heartache.

Correction of attachment of a mature personality is fraught with great difficulties. A person will need certain internal resources and support. Loving eyes must be imagined. You need to remember the look of your adoring grandmother, grandfather, aunt, uncle, older brother or sister.

The next step is to learn to trust yourself. To this end, it is worth analyzing your strengths, abilities and skills. Building self-confidence allows a person to move away from the affective type of attachment and come to building stable, secure relationships with people. Only incredible inner efforts will help fix the situation by changing the usual way of attachment.

The most important point in correcting the type of attachment is to change the very approach to relationships. The transformation of a distorted attachment into a safe type is possible through the use of short-term emotion-focused therapy, which is a mixture of various methods with gestalt therapy.