How do I tell a guy we're breaking up?

The origin of a relationship with a loved one is always wonderful: romantic meetings, the first timid kisses, gifts and long walks around the city. But life is an ambiguous and indirect thing, not everything in it works out exactly as you wanted or imagined. And now you already know for sure that you cannot continue the relationship with this guy any longer. There is nothing wrong with such a balanced decision, but only one problem remains - how to tell the young man that you need to leave.

The best and most respectful way to communicate that you are breaking up is to have a calm, personal conversation. But it is he who requires a lot of courage. Girls often cannot dare to speak frankly with a young man and postpone such a conversation for a long time.

If you have truly had genuine feelings and trust, then fear not. When you meet in person, you will see the guy's reaction and better be able to find words. Do not forget about his feelings - try to sincerely console him after you communicate your decision. For such a conversation, it is better not to choose those places that are dear to both of you and bring back any memories. A quiet cafe or bench in the park will do. Schedule a meeting when there will be a minimum of strangers around you.

Try to think about the words you are about to say. You can even write several options and choose the softest and most tactful one. Do not disguise the reason for the separation with stereotyped phrases like "you deserve the best and you will definitely find one" or "I am too bad for you, and you will be disappointed in me."Be honest about the reasons for the breakup, but without unnecessary traumatic details, especially if you have feelings for another man.

Be calm when you meet and control your emotions. If your boyfriend is emotional himself, all the more show firmness. It happens that a guy at such moments tries to manipulate and arouse pity in order to beg for another chance for himself. In this case, firmly repeat your decision, but do not offend or repulse your former partner rudely. Remember that your decision is unexpected for him - give him time to accept it.

The mistake of many girls is too soft and ambiguous formulations: "probably we will no longer be together", "most likely, I have found a new love", "do not despair, it can still change." Such ambiguity does not indicate the firmness of your decision, but gives the young man false hope. Don't take away from your ex-boyfriend the time he wants to spend trying to get you back. And it will be hard for you to fight off SMS, calls and messages on social networks with various hints, invitations to cafes and other signs of attention.

A somewhat outdated, but not as dry and formal as a text message, a way to tell a young man about a breakup is a paper letter. If you still could not decide to talk, put your thoughts on paper.

Why is it slightly better than a short SMS? Firstly, in the note you will be able to more fully and voluminously express your thoughts and argue your decision. Secondly, the guy will know that you took the time to compose the letter, and it will not look like a banal short reply. This will show your respect for your former boyfriend.

Yes, many will find this way of communication outdated. Here you need to take into account the habits and worldview of your young man. If a paper letter dropped in a box or transmitted through mutual acquaintances is unacceptable in your case, you can modernize your message.

Your voice and your intonation will speak better than typed letters. You can replace a personal meeting with a phone call and a remote conversation.

The guy, after voicing the decision to break up, may have questions that you will answer him, being in touch with him.

It is also worth preparing for a telephone conversation. As in the case of a personal meeting, indicate with what words you will tell your boyfriend the unpleasant news. Tactfully and calmly tell him what you are not happy with.

It is worth making a reservation right away that passing on to others the message that you want to part with a young man is the most undesirable option. Not only will they find out about it before him, but even goodbye you don't even honor your ex-boyfriend with any attention. However, in some cases, girls also resort to this method of breaking. They are afraid of an overly violent reaction or excessive emotions, protecting themselves from such things in this way.

If you nevertheless decided on just such an option, it is better to turn to his friends, or rather, to your best friend. A good friend is the closest thing to your boyfriend emotionally - he will definitely try to do it in the most gentle way and will be able to support if necessary.

• Don't take too long to tell the guy about your decision, because all this time you will have to lie and pretend. In addition, by delaying the separation, you steal from your boyfriend time to experience and emotional recovery after the end of the relationship.
• If a guy is blackmailing you with suicide or other serious actions, do not provoke him, but also do not rush to fulfill his demands unconditionally. Chat with his friends and parents, find out his real condition. Perhaps this is just a demonstrative attempt at blackmail and manipulation. Otherwise, inform your loved ones about his words and intentions. They will be able to make an objective decision about the advisability of contacting psychological services.
• Don't gossip, don't gossip about your ex. He revealed his innermost secrets and weaknesses only to you, because he trusted. He does not deserve their general declassification in the circle of your mutual acquaintances.
• If you're really confident in your decision, don't beat yourself up after breaking up. Not all relationships are destined to develop into a long-term family union. And you still couldn't cheat and pretend for many years. By breaking off a relationship in which you do not see prospects, you give your boyfriend a chance and right for a new life.
• Try to cut down on any contact or reminders of yourself to your ex. Give it time to cool down.
• Sometimes a young man, after parting, tries to go for a trick: he offers to remain friends and continue communication. This option is very good, because you have known each other for a long time, and it makes no sense to completely break off any communication. However, be careful: it is possible that during "friendly" meetings or correspondence, the young man will still act as a suitor. And this will stretch out the time of separation and take away a lot of moral strength from both of you.