How to stop being jealous of your husband?
Many women suspect their husbands of infidelity and live in constant scandals and hassles. To make your family life better, you need to learn how to stop being jealous of your husband and normalize your inner balance.
What can cause jealousy?
Jealousy is a destructive feeling that every person has experienced. It can occur to different people. Children are jealous of their parents, employees can be jealous of their boss, this phenomenon also occurs in the company of friends. There is often a situation where wives are jealous of their husbands.
You need to figure out what can cause jealousy. From the point of view of psychology, this is due to several reasons.
- Fear of losing a loved one. Fear that someone will be able to take away the moments when people are together. A person is afraid of losing his comfort zone, interesting pastime and other exciting things. Fear is a basic feeling that is very powerful. It is difficult to compare it with calmness.
- Jealousy is associated with envy. She is caused by discontent with those who have won the attention of her husband. A rich imagination begins to paint a portrait of an ideal rival who is much younger, prettier and smarter. If there are complexes, they will "finish off" from the inside. This duet is the most terrible.
- Jealousy is considered a "by-product" of idealizing relationships. Many people believe that there is "love to the grave" and even a little flirting should be executed. Such stereotypes are wrong.In life, there can be many moments of a different nature, so all idealization will be repeatedly tested for strength.
- Low self-esteem. Past grievances, almost healed wounds will constantly remind of themselves. They will say that you are allegedly unattractive, not distinguished by intelligence and have not achieved anything in life. Even if this situation is not correct, the complexes will always be around. They are distinguished by their vitality and illogicality.
- Jealousy is often associated with sad experiences. When familiar signs of betrayal appear, a defensive reaction enters into action.
- Jealousy is resentment. Feeling can be associated with deception, a break in the personal scenario of life, rejection.
- Owner instinct. Here it is not necessary to talk about feelings, since they are not there or they are in no way connected with such jealousy. A person begins to get annoyed that someone encroaches on his personal thing.
- A tribute to public opinion. The environment repeatedly tells stories of how ideal wives are abandoned by spouses. Cases like this are often seen in films. On the basis of this, a feeling of anger arises.
Jealousy is considered a pleasure. It gives excitement of an aggressive nature, as it is an energetic burst of emotions.
Experiencing it, a person already unconsciously wants to receive such sensations in order to experience the acuteness of pleasure.
Who are the husbands jealous of?
It is believed that a jealous wife does not even need a reason, she is jealous of everyone, and not just a real mistress (if there is one). However, there are several main reasons.
- To the past. Refusal to understand his life, which existed before. Constant analysis of the actions of a man in the present and his past.
- To colleagues, girls and a friend. This is the most common option. The environment of women is annoying and annoying. There are thoughts that everyone is flirting with her husband, and not communicating at work.
- To relatives (to his mother, to his sister). You can often face such a situation. The wife believes that a man should belong only to her and solve problems only within their family. He should treat women from his "second" family with indifference.
- To the ex-wife. A common situation. Most women cannot accept the fact that a husband used to share his bed with another.
- To a friend's wife. Despite the fact that the friend has been married for a long time, some wives may perceive the friend's spouse as a rival.
Where to begin?
Women who are jealous of their husband do not know what to do or where to start. To eliminate negative feelings, it is recommended to start gradually and deal with your emotions. First of all, you need to learn to speak heart to heart. Voicing your worries and the reasons for their manifestation will help you understand the situation. Most men think that talking about feelings is a waste of time. You can show the importance of this conversation and take your relationship to the next level.
A heart-to-heart conversation and without hysterics will show a man that he can be listened to without pretensions, and all problems can be discussed calmly.
With this method, you can achieve a compromise and turn communication into a habit. You should confess to your husband that a feeling of jealousy gnaws at you and does not allow you to live in peace. You can ask to spend more time together and talk about what is lacking in family life (attention, affection, love, confessions).
If there is a feeling that the man is cheating, you can arrange a secret meeting with a friend. This will give a personal secret and the realization that the husband may also have his own little secrets. This method will help to overcome unreasonable jealousy and make life calm. In order to stop being jealous and not cheating herself, a woman needs to think about the fact that her man, out of a million other female representatives, chose her. If he had the desire to leave his wife, he would have left long ago.It is impossible by any means to keep the husband if he wants to leave.
You need to learn to control your feelings and live, enjoying every minute.
No man will like it when his wife pesters him with jealousy, constantly suspects of treason and checks.
You need to defeat a bad habit and give your partner warmth, calmness and comfort. In this case, the couple will cope together and will always be there. They don't leave good wives.
How to stop unreasonable suspicions of treason?
There are several tips which help to get rid of constant suspicions of infidelity.
- Analysis of your own subconscious. You need to understand yourself, as groundless suspicions indicate a low level of self-esteem. You should learn to be independent and forget about infantilism. Most wives with jealousy stay at home.
- Finding time for yourself. You can find yourself a new hobby or get a job.
- Redefining feelings. Love cannot be willing to bind another person to itself. Real feelings differ in that during them you want to give more than receive. You need to curb your emotionality, which does not allow you to fight unwanted outbursts of jealousy.
- When the attack of jealousy manifests itself again, you need to take a sitting position and calm down. Full silence will help with this. In this position, you need to sit for a few minutes and understand: is there a reason for jealousy in reality.
How to overcome distrust of your husband after infidelity?
Some women cannot psychologically forgive their spouse for adultery. Another category may provide a second chance. However, the feeling of distrust after betrayal can continue to exist in the family for some time. If there is such a feeling, you should understand: if the husband after the betrayal remained with his wife, then he loves her. There are special mechanisms for emotional burdens. This is a psychological defense, in which the psyche performs the function of an object for self-defense.
The first way is called displacement. The second name is forgetting the situation. All unpleasant situations need to be moved into your subconscious. A similar mechanism operates at an automatic level. If a woman does not have mental problems, self-defense will work automatically. The second way is called rationalization. It can be used on a conscious level. Man himself is able to translate his feelings and emotions into rationalism. To do this, you should say to yourself: “If my husband cheated on me and did not leave for another, then he is not indifferent to me. That is why he loves me. " This method is suitable for people who have a well-developed left hemisphere (techies).
You need to learn to trust your soul mate even if she once stumbled.
A woman is afraid of a repetition of the situation, and the environment dictates her stereotypes: "A person does not change", "who betrayed once, betrayed twice." You cannot give in to such provocations. You can only listen to yourself and your heart. You need to believe your husband. If, after having stumbled, he repented of his deed, such an act should be evaluated. A wise woman will forgive and forget. Further relationships should be discussed in detail. You can't just throw a dear person out of your life, so that later you constantly regret it. Everyone deserves a second chance.
How to get rid of jealousy of the past?
Getting acquainted with a man, a woman begins to worry about the fact that he had a relationship in the past. The feeling of fear that the husband could have been better before does not give an opportunity to build a relationship. To remove unnecessary experiences associated with jealousy of the ex, you need to look at the situation from the other side. Since the husband had previous experience in relationships, he has formed skills that he wants to present and demonstrate at the moment.
It is necessary to overcome jealousy and replace it with gratitude for the past, since it was this that made the man what he is now.
Also, a woman may worry about whether her husband managed to forget a past relationship. Since she is not aware of what kind of relationship developed in the past, the brain begins to paint different pictures. In this case, you should not ask your spouse about the past, as he will translate everything into a joke. According to practice, such questions begin to be asked by ladies who are not completely sure of their choice about the seriousness of their partner's intentions.
You need to work on yourself and raise self-esteem. Then all uncertainty will disappear, and the woman will be able to trust her soul mate.
When internal conflicts are resolved, the relationship will reach a new level. If a man has chosen a woman and is next to her, she means a lot to him. You shouldn't live in the past.
How to stop being jealous of your husband for your ex-wife?
Psychologists advise not to think about what kind of relationship was between a husband and an ex-wife. You should focus on the feelings that are in the family now. Such focusing of attention will help direct thoughts in the right direction and improve mutual understanding between partners. This will help you become the most significant woman in your man's life and help him forget his past. No need to worry and ask meaningless questions. Better to give your partner love, joyful moments and your feminine energy. By filling yourself and him to the brim, you can remove the excitement and jealousy for which there will be no room.
Psychologist's advice
Psychologists advise fight jealousy with the following methods.
- You must always remember about self-control and not throw a tantrum for no reason. You should remove jealousy from the relationship gradually, working through every suspicion that arises in your head.
- It is necessary to become a better wife for a husband. This will help cleaning the house, cooking, establishing comfort and raising children. It is important to show your key qualities as a homemaker that men like.
- If it is not possible to cope with attacks of jealousy on your own, you can make an appointment with a psychologist. Reviews will help you choose the right specialist at affordable prices. After attending the first session, you can understand how to move on.
- You need to start monitoring your appearance so as not to waste time spying on your husband. For this, go to the gym, yoga or dance classes. Periodically changing your wardrobe and image will help you fall in love with yourself and discard negative thoughts.
- Every day one should find positive points in the husband's behavior. Finding something pleasant in everyday little things will help you to look at your partner differently.
For advice from a psychologist on how to stop being jealous of your husband, see the video below.