Jealous Husband: Causes and Ways to Overcome the Problem
Life with a jealous husband sooner or later becomes a big problem for the wife. Many women are interested in knowing where this destructive feeling comes from, whether it is possible to help a spouse get rid of unreasonable jealousy, how to behave with a jealous person, which absolutely cannot be done.
Reasons for jealousy
Psychologists distinguish possessive, reflected and oppressed jealousy.
- The first type involves the desire to lead, turn the wife into property, in fact, take over the identity of another person. The husband is trying to deprive his wife of her usual society, to completely subordinate her to his will. There is a fear of losing a wife not because of a fatal illness, but out of a sense of ownership, a desire to possess another person. The spouse must belong to him completely.
- Unfaithful husbands often project their cheating on the chosen one. A slight change in her behavior raises a lot of suspicion. The spouse is alarmed, begins to look for signs of infidelity, the reflection effect makes him suffer. He is unable to understand that all speculation about adultery is the fruit of a violent fantasy.
- Feelings of oppression often lead a man to tyranny. He is trying to achieve self-affirmation at the expense of the other half. The main reason for the disadvantaged type of male jealousy is self-doubt. The fear that his beautiful and intelligent darling might go to a more successful and attractive man leads to total control.
Jealousy can manifest itself in the demand from the wife to explain where and with whom she was in the evening.The jealous husband responds with distrust to a truthful answer, begins to call his wife's friends or parents to make sure whether the wife really was staying with them.
Education and the level of intelligence will not save a man from jealousy. Everyone is subject to this feeling. Moderate jealousy of a loving person does not pose any threat, does not carry a destructive effect. The husband loves his wife very much, trusts her, but some moments lead the spouse to a little jealousy. There is an opinion that the feeling can bring a fresh stream to the relationship.
Sometimes husbands exercise control over their wife gently, unobtrusively. They spend a lot of time in communication with their spouse, accompany them to work, accompany them to the store, and meet them from all events. The wife feels surrounded by care and attention.
There are pathological jealous people who are capable of constantly feeling distrust, doubts, hot-tempered and suspicious. Excessive jealousy is based on anger, suspiciousness, resentment, fear, hatred of an opponent. The husband cannot cope with his jealousy on his own. Stormy emotions eat away feelings, kill love.
Overprotectiveness in childhood can lead to destructive feelings. A man gets used to being the center of the universe when the whole world is centered around him. He is constantly bathed in parental love, tenderness, and feels constant care. His wife gave him more freedom than he always had, the world is crumbling, the man is not used to independence. A wise woman can help you get out of an illusory life.
The difference in age, social status can also provoke the appearance of unreasonable jealousy. Cheating in the husband's parental home can adversely affect the married couple's family life. The cause of jealousy may be the infidelity of the previous chosen one. An unsuccessful experience is projected onto the relationship with the current wife, the thought of secret betrayal of the wife creeps in.
Jealousy isn't just about a spouse.
To the child
The appearance of a baby in a family is often reflected in the relationship of a married couple. The attention of a beloved woman focuses on the baby. A husband who lacks the feminine warmth feels abandoned. Cooling down intimate relationships does not suit the spouse, he is jealous of his wife for his son or daughter.
The active involvement of a man in fatherhood will help to solve the problem. Tenderness and affection should be evenly distributed between the husband and the baby.
To the past
Sometimes the husband is jealous of his wife's past relationship, even if the wife's previous chosen one dies. The man begins to think that he was better, more interesting, more successful. It takes a lot of effort to convince the husband of his superiority over the former.
With no reason
There are cases of rough treatment of the wife due to strong, completely groundless jealousy. Some men develop uncontrollable paranoia, they follow their wife's every step, arrange interrogations with addiction. Then beating may occur in order to knock out confessions of treason, which the spouse did not commit. It is very difficult to resist unwarranted jealousy.
How to behave with your husband?
Living with a jealous person is difficult. You need to initially set yourself up to correct the situation. You can eradicate jealousy gradually, you need a lot of patience, it is worth talking with your loved one more often, all questions of the faithful should be answered in a calm tone. Answers should not contain ambiguity and hidden implications.
Wise behavior of the wife will minimize provocative reasons. Painful interrogations, hints of infidelity must be answered calmly, without irritation. A detailed story about the day spent, the impressions received should calm her husband a little. Knowing your spouse will help you avoid unpleasant consequences.
Increased attention to the spouse will help to cope with the problem.You need to convince your husband with all your behavior that he is your only and most desirable man in life. Romantic dinners, surprises should be systematically organized for a jealous spouse.
It is always advisable to share your plans for the whole day with your spouse; you need to inform your husband regularly about your location. Delayed at work, got stuck in traffic, met an acquaintance - call your betrothed right away so that he does not worry.
It is best to be in constant communication with your chosen one, using various instant messengers. Periodically tell him that you miss him, compliment him, admire his success, you need to motivate and inspire your husband.
If a feeling of rivalry arises for her own child, a wise woman will allow her spouse to feel like the head of the family. She will listen to his opinion; marital dialogue should not always be reduced to the baby. Caring for the betrothed should not fade into the background, it is good when the wife completely trusts the child to the young father. It is very important to find time for going to a cafe, guests, cinema, leaving the baby with a grandmother or girlfriend. It is necessary to support a man in failures, defeats and in all endeavors.
What shouldn't be done?
It is unacceptable to deliberately lead a spouse to jealousy in order to refresh the senses. You need to be condescending and patient in relation to a loved one. In a fit of jealousy, a man can turn into an angry lion. Under no circumstances is it advisable to compare a spouse to other men. Drawing a parallel between the positive qualities, decisive and skillful actions of the husband of a friend and the less attractive features of your spouse will cause suspicion and anger in your chosen one.
Don't praise a co-worker who helped you solve a difficult problem in the workplace. A jealous spouse will immediately come to mind that you are connected not only by business relations.
It is strictly forbidden to tell a jealous person about your former relationship. His male pride will be hurt. It is best to introduce your husband to your former classmates and friends personally; it is not recommended to spend time with them in the absence of your significant other.
Flirting with other men in the presence of your husband is excluded, you need to control your behavior and not stare at other representatives of the stronger sex. You should not wear miniskirts and plunging neckline to an event that will not be with your significant other.
Is it possible to get rid of the problem?
If you understand the logic of the behavior of a jealous husband, then it is not difficult to deal with the feeling that overwhelms him. It is impossible to completely correct a person, but it is quite possible to smooth out the attacks of jealousy. Jealous people are tormentors and martyrs at the same time, it is hard for them, but you can save your husband from any doubts.
Caring, love, attention, the ability to find a compromise, to calm down a suspicious husband in time will help improve relationships. You can fight jealousy with a sincere smile, humor, and jokes. It is advisable to explain to the husband that many of his merits far exceed those of his friends, acquaintances, colleagues, and relatives.
Try to divide your troubleshooting work into 3 steps.
- During the period of accusation of infidelity, one should not make excuses or deny. You need to calm your husband down, let him know that you don't need anyone besides him.
- In response to the spouse's insults and bullying, it is necessary to point out the absence of the logic of his suspicions. You need to maintain a calm tone.
- Try together to sort out the dramatic situations of your betrothed's past life, to connect the events that once hurt him with the present moment.
It is advisable for an Orthodox married couple to visit the temple, to perform the Sacraments of Confession and Communion. Joint visits to the temple contribute to family cohesion, the elimination of negative thoughts.The initiative to go through the Sacrament of Wedding should come from the wife, the husband will be convinced of the wife's desire to be with him on earth and heaven.
A family psychologist will also help to cope with the problem, who will determine the cause of the destructive feeling, and will choose the tactics of behavior.
Psychologist's advice
Any delay of a wife from work, a missed phone call, or other minor moments can provoke outbursts of aggression in a jealous person. Compliments of strangers to a beauty and a clever wife make a jealous husband think that he has a rival. A frank conversation with your husband will help to correct the situation. A joint search for the cause of unreasonable jealousy will make it possible to develop a scenario to eradicate unpleasant situations. All efforts should be aimed at strengthening faith in the loyalty and reliability of the soul mate.
If a jealous person closes in, you need to easily bring him into a conversation, find out all doubts, if he leaves the conversation, you should not put pressure on your partner. Your task: to prevent the brewing conflict, find a compromise solution and return harmony to the relationship.
In the presence of strangers, you should talk about your husband with great respect. Relatives, friends, colleagues should feel a worthy person in your spouse. He will definitely find out about this, self-esteem will increase. The beneficial effect is inevitable: a trusting and lasting relationship is guaranteed.