Should you make your boyfriend jealous if you want to build a serious relationship with him?

If you look at women's forums and magazines, you begin to get the impression that it is impossible to ignite the flame of passion in a man without jealousy. Girls and women seriously advise each other to "make him jealous and tormented." Is it worth it and how not to cross the line of reason, this article will tell.

Healthy, dosed jealousy can really refresh a relationship, give it a piquancy, and indicate to a partner the value of the chosen one. But do not forget that jealousy is a very dangerous feeling, and its consequences can be unpredictable.

Usually, the question of whether to make a guy (husband) jealous, girls and women ask when it seems to them that they are not loved enough, they are not to the extent that we would like, they value them, they are not afraid to lose them. This is where you need to stop and think well - after all, all of the above seems to you, it was invented by you, it is your expectations, which to one degree or another are not met. Is it easier to lessen the claims?

The second question that a woman should definitely ask herself before starting to develop an ingenious plan to induce jealousy in a partner is - why does she need it? Try to answer it, but avoid phrasing like, "Because he is so and so." The question is still what is required, not why. The answer should be as honest as possible.Take a detached look at him, perhaps he will be so disgusting that all the desire to cause jealousy will disappear by itself.

A woman who tries to arouse jealousy in her partner sincerely believes that this will have a positive effect on the relationship.that a man will instantly reconsider everything and begin to be afraid of losing her. That is, the girl makes the man jealous in order to improve the relationship. But in practice this does not always happen. With a high degree of probability, such actions will be detrimental to your relationship, especially if you plan to live a long and happy life with this man, raise children, build a house.

Relationships will die gradually, because the jealousy caused is dangerous precisely because of its long-term perspective - when the relationship in marriage becomes habitual, the passion fades away, enough small grievances accumulate, he can remember this non-existent rival that you yourself created. This is how pathological paranoid jealousy develops, this is how marriages break up and lives collapse.

Jealousy has a tsunami-like effect. And it has nothing to do with love. The statements that “being jealous means that he loves” is not true.

Men are quite discerning, and it would be a mistake to consider them uncouth. They quickly distinguish manipulation from other motives. If a woman tries to test her feelings for strength in order to satisfy her own ambitions, they figure it out pretty quickly. Needless to say, trust in such a relationship is out of the question. Men do not want to be victims of manipulation, they usually decide not to marry women who have been caught in manipulation at least once.

Jealousy at a distance is also not the best option, as ladies think. Such situations, even thought out to the smallest detail and orchestrated, can forever shape the opinion of a partner - he will stop trusting, believing that a woman will continue to accept signs of attention from other men. And every time he or his companion needs to go away on business or on vacation, he will be tormented by doubts that clearly will not benefit the relationship.

There is only one situation in which male jealousy will be normal. This is if you are not married yet, and if the woman has absolutely nothing to artificially cause or provoke jealousy. At the stage of courtship, a man himself feels himself within the framework of a competition.

But here a woman is required to behave naturally. There is no need to hide the fact that you communicate with other men, but you should not advertise this either. You shouldn't talk about it yourself, but in a conversation such information can come up and sound natural. It is not a fact that a man will be jealous, but it will be quite normal, nature-created jealousy, in which there is nothing pathological.

If all that has been said is not convincing, and you really want to give your beloved a little emotional shake-up, let's consider the most common reasons for jealousy in a couple and assess whether it is possible to act deliberately in these situations.

Jealousy is a feeling generously mixed with the fear of losing, losing, ceasing to possess. There can be any number of reasons for this feeling. Men are naturally constructed in such a way that it is important for them to win, to conquer, and women have learned to skillfully use this feature of the stronger sex. The main thing is not to overdo it.

There are several proven methods, but not all are suitable if you are not planning a fleeting bright relationship, but a strong and serious marriage.

A woman who suddenly changed her image, dressed up and walks beautiful and mysterious, very intriguing man. Some begin to wonder aloud what happened, while others are silent and in their hearts go over versions of the reasons for the miraculous transformation. The method is excellent, useful, non-violent. You can answer questions evasively or completely confine yourself to the smile of Mona Lisa, laugh it off.

The transformation will benefit the woman - it will raise self-esteem, she will draw the admiring look of her partner and other men on herself, it is possible that the object of heart suffering will accidentally intercept other people's views. Then the effect for him will increase many times. The worst thing that can be done is a woman's answer to a man's question: "This is all for you." Such responses discourage men and reduce their internal competition.

Quite a dubious way. A woman who, even before marriage, is often delayed at work, in the eyes of a man is not an ideal candidate for a spouse, because it is lonely to cook dumplings for herself after a working day, while a wife is busy with her work issues, few people like it. Therefore, attempts to arouse jealousy by reporting that you need to stay late at work are not overly deliberate. Of course, a man will not break off relations just because of this (although this happens), but he will not rush to propose.

If you are not married, are not bound by certain agreements and obligations, then there is nothing unusual in this - a woman has every right to communicate with her friends without her man. She may not take the chosen one to her friend, and in an adequate man this will not only not cause feelings of jealousy, but it will not become a reason for resentment. Now, if a man rolls scenes about this, you need to think about whether it is worth building a relationship with him at all, because when it comes to marriage, such a person will do everything so that you have no friends left, because he will try to control every step.

Cheating on a man is strongly discouraged (even if the cheating is premeditated). If a woman goes to her friend, and then does everything to make him doubt where exactly she was, good will not work: this is a reason for a man to doubt his chosen one.

Also, leisure separately has a downside: if you now prefer to communicate with your friends and girlfriends without a chosen one, then it is possible that he will not want to introduce you to his friends. Will such a relationship be complete? Probably not.

This method of causing jealousy subconsciously, without having enough life experience, is used by everyone, but mainly in childhood, at school. For first love, other methods are unfamiliar and inaccessible. But for mature adults, this method is unacceptable. A girl or woman who openly flirts with other men in front of her own partner, even if they are not tied by the bond of marriage, risks losing their partner forever.

Not every man will endure the torment of jealousy, not everyone will rush to you with flowers and a wedding ring. Many in such situations react with withdrawal. Not because they cannot or do not want to compete with others, but because they simply do not see the point in this: a woman who willingly accepts the courtship of other representatives of the stronger sex, in their opinion, will not be the best wife and mother of children.

More is allowed on social media than in life. Virtual space is very difficult to regulate. Some use their social media activity both to find love and to “correct” it. Men perceive social networks as a projection of reality, and therefore the liberties in correspondence that a woman can afford on the Internet in order that later they reach the chosen one will be regarded by him in the same way as flirting with men in reality.

On the one hand, there is nothing wrong with the fact that a woman will “like” another man’s photo, write a neutral comment on his post or video, but on the other hand, this is the paradox of “likes” - they affect the psyche too much. This can ruin the relationship, although a strong, self-sufficient and intelligent man who grew up from adolescence simply does not pay attention to such little things.

Ignoring someone who has done absolutely nothing wrong with you can be very upsetting. And it certainly will not improve relations. If the chosen one has committed some reckless, in your opinion, act, then ignoring in any case does not solve the current problem.

The decision not to notice a person and his attempts to talk is a departure from reality. Relationships cannot improve if partners do not have the opportunity to discuss their concerns. But ignorance can infuriate even a very calm man. It's hard to say how he will act. Much depends on his temperament, upbringing, personal character traits, life experience. Some, after several attempts to talk, simply leave everything as it is, and then the woman will have to think for herself how to get out of a difficult situation. With a good face and a bad game, it will be almost impossible to do this.

It is not known from whom, and even if it is known who they are from, it is possible to accept gifts only on occasion. Such occasions include birthdays, name days, New Years and other special occasions. But even if the gifts are reasonable, they should not be too expensive, otherwise it will arouse suspicion in your chosen one. Even elementary rules of etiquette prohibit accepting expensive gifts from people with whom you are not in close or family relationships.

Jealousy is also dangerous because it causes addiction like a strong drug. Gradually, the desire to tickle the nerves of the partner will become more and more strong, and then the woman will begin to turn every incomprehensible situation in the relationship into a way of manipulating jealousy. Gradually, the partner will also develop an addiction to jealousy, because after it there are violent and emotional reconciliation. Such a state can drive a person to insanity.

It is very difficult at the beginning of a relationship to distinguish a normal jealous person from a pathological one. Jealousy in both cases begins with little things, it is unobtrusive, it does not interfere with any of the partners and brings some variety to their relationship. But then everything can get complicated - the partner will become jealous for no reason, will not hear your attempts to explain and justify, gradually it will turn into paranoid or manic disorder, and then you cannot do without the help of a qualified psychiatrist.

Pathological jealousy is treated with great difficulty, and it is almost impossible to maintain a family and normal relations with such a jealous person. In addition, aggressive jealousy accounts for up to 70% of all suicides.

You can never predict in advance what effect the artificial jealousy you created will cause in the psyche of your partner. If in childhood he had a deficit of parental love, if before you had a negative experience with the betrayal of his beloved woman, if he has low self-esteem, the effect can be overwhelming, but not at all what you want. Instead of building strong relationships, you will ruin them, undermine the very foundations of any healthy relationship - trust and closeness.

A good psychologist who wishes you well will never advise making a man jealous in one way or another. But there are recommendations that will help maintain a partner's interest in a completely natural way, without pathological feelings that can destroy both the relationship and the health of the participants in the events.

• Have personal space. Never allow anyone to encroach on him. Your space is the area of ​​your interests and hobbies, your friends, your work, goals and personal growth. A partner who respects himself and you will accept them as his own. A man's attempts to limit a woman's personal space, ridicule of her goals and hobbies, prohibitions on communicating with friends are an alarming sign of a future domestic tyrant who will turn your life into hell and without reason for jealousy.
• Men don't like sweets. Too often talking to a representative of the stronger sex about love, writing touching SMS, calling 10 times a day with confessions, and during meetings faithfully like a dog, looking into his eyes is a sure way to end the relationship as soon as possible. Sooner or later (rather early), the man will get bored with it, and he will find himself another who does not try to plunge him headlong into the realm of his own love experiences.
• A woman doesn't have to tell everything about herself. - the absence of mystery and a veil of mystery in a woman very quickly makes a man cool to her. You should especially avoid the details of past relationships - the former for the man is also a competitor.

• Be yourself and let your partner be you. You should not seem better or worse in order to interest a representative of the stronger sex. His psychology denies pretense, men are more straightforward. Therefore, allow yourself what you allowed before the appearance of this person in your life - a change of mood, for example. If she is reasonable, non-hysterical, then this will keep the man "in good shape."
• Never flirt with his friends. It will end badly, and even if the man himself does not arrange a scene for you because of this, his friends will remember for a long time, including in his presence, that he clearly got excited about choosing a girlfriend.
• The most damaging advice that you can come across is refusal of intimacy. Yes, such actions on the part of a woman will certainly cause a violent reaction. But this is such a deliberate manipulation, it will not be discerned unless the blind and feeble-minded. Men are sensitive to manipulation in matters of intimate life, do not tempt fate.

The American satirist and journalist Henry Louis Mencken, who was admired by the best minds of mankind, once gave advice to all beautiful ladies. He wrote the following: “If you want to keep a man, make him a little jealous. To lose him, make him jealous a little more. " This is the main principle.