Adequate self-esteem: what is it and how to form it?

It is important for a person to perceive himself adequately. Any deviation from the norm negatively affects his health, self-realization and building relationships with others. What is adequate self-esteem, how to form it, we will consider in the article.

Psychologists endow self-esteem with the following parameters:

• by level - high, medium, low;
• in terms of realism - increased, underestimated and adequate;
• in terms of stability - stable and changing;
• by manifestation - constructive and destructive.

Thus, experts distinguish between overestimated, average (adequate, normal) and underestimated self-perception. Adequate self-esteem of a person is an objective assessment of personal qualities, real capabilities and their place in society. In this case, personality characteristics correspond to the actual level of a person's success. The main criterion for the adequacy of self-perception is the feasibility of personality plans.

In psychology, the following signs of healthy self-esteem are distinguished:

• recognition by the individual of his own merits and demerits brings the development of qualities and capabilities as close as possible to the real level;
• critical awareness of one's negative traits helps to avoid a subconscious attitude to one's own exclusiveness and superiority;
• self-confidence develops a sense of dignity that protects against misconduct and pride.

Inadequate self-esteem is an overestimated or underestimated opinion of oneself... The law of nature is this: this process is formed automatically at the unconscious level. At different stages of life, factors significant at that time influence its development. People around and upbringing play an important role in the development of personality. Overestimation and underestimation of oneself begins to develop in early childhood. Sometimes parents suppress the interests and abilities of the baby, imposing their preferences on him. Others, on the contrary, give too much freedom to their children.

Excessive praise fosters the cultivation of proud and arrogant personalities.... The individual significantly overestimates his real capabilities. Natural talent can also influence the emergence of too high an opinion about oneself. Sometimes parents try to assert themselves at the expense of the baby's merits. In all cases, a person develops selfishness, an arrogant attitude towards peers, an increased level of aspirations, an inadequate desire for leadership. With life failures, such people begin to look for the reason for their own bad luck not in themselves, but in those around them. Ultimately, the path to self-improvement is closed forever.

Low self-esteem also blocks self-development. More often than not, people who are not confident in their abilities, generally, do not take up the right job. If parents too often criticize the baby, praise only for very great achievements, constantly cite other children as an example, then the child becomes unstable in assessing himself based on someone else's opinion.

Increased and underestimated self-perception requires mandatory adjustment in adults. Self-esteem can be changed. An arrogant person needs to accept his negative sides, be self-critical of his actions, analyze behavior. When you fail, learn to take responsibility rather than blaming others. Listen to criticism addressed to you. Do not flaunt your achievements, do not dwell on your merits, learn to distinguish sincere praise from flattery.

There are some effective ways to improve your self-esteem.

• Don't try to please others. Be calm, dignified, and kind. Distance yourself from unpleasant and aggressive people.
• Develop skills that you are good at. Do not focus on areas that are vulnerable to you.
• Never judge or beat yourself up. Think of yourself in a purely positive way. Don't let derogatory phrases like "stupid chicken", "fat pig" or "loser / tsa".
• Monitor your appearance, posture... Straighten your shoulders, do not hide from the glances of passers-by.
• Ignore undeserved criticismdo not listen to negative statements from outsiders about your abilities.
• List your inner and outer qualities that you enjoy... For example, "I have beautiful eyes and a swan neck", "I am a great friend and reliable partner."
• Record all your accomplishments and re-read them periodically.
• Describe your problems and translate them into a positive direction... For example, "I just can't learn to knit, but I'm good at embroidering."
• Don't be afraid to make bold and risky decisions. They help to increase self-esteem, without which adequate self-esteem is impossible.
• Forgive yourself for any mistakes and mistakes.

Exercise helps build self-confidence.

• You need to pick up some confident character and mentally reincarnate into him. First you need to imagine him: how he looks, moves, communicates. You may want to transform into a famous TV presenter, actor or singer. Or maybe it will be an animal or a fantastic creature. Try to catch its energy, feel it in your body. Stay with this character for a few hours, copy his movements and behavior. In a difficult life situation, try to put the exercise into practice. Chat with those around you, imagining yourself as the chosen character.
• Rewrite your childhood. Imagine passionately loving parents, come up with a happy childhood story. And be sure to write yourself a support letter on behalf of the ideal parents whose love you missed as a child.
• Try to remember as many episodes in your life in which you were a winner.... Mentally disassemble in the smallest detail the entire history of your particular victory.

The sooner healthy self-esteem is formed, the better.... Difficulties in learning and communicating with peers create unfavorable conditions for a normal self-perception. It is necessary to reduce the emotional overload of children, develop their creativity, help them gain self-confidence.

Experts strongly recommend showing a feeling of love for your children, respecting their opinion. Any achievements of the child must be accompanied by the phrase: "I am proud of you." Never compare your baby to other children. In this case, the child realizes his value as a person. Children need parental approval, since father and mother are the most authoritative people for the little ones.

It is more difficult for adults to change the established ideas about themselves. Psychologists recommend adhering to some rules.

• Engage in self-development, read fiction, communicate with interesting people, learn from their experience.
• Watch your speech, facial expressions and gestures. People with high self-esteem often have an arrogant tone, with an underestimated self-perception - fussiness, an excessive amount of unnecessary words.
• Don't make excuses to others for your actions. Trying to please others leads to a decrease in self-esteem. But also do not emphasize your superiority over people. Such qualities are unusual for self-sufficient individuals. Don't go after more successful people. The pursuit of successful personalities lowers the rating in one's own eyes.
• Say goodbye to your unloved work without regret. Unsuccessful employment is detrimental to self-esteem. You need to look for a field of activity in which you can show your abilities.
• An important factor is complete self-acceptance. Learn to live in harmony with yourself. Love yourself, your character, appearance.