How to become an outgoing and interesting person?

Sociability and sociability are indicated by many as a personal dignity, emphasizing it when applying for a job, when applying for a new position. But are all these people really outgoing? This article will tell you how to develop the ability to communicate.

The need for communication is as strong as the basic needs of the person. It is pleasant to be sociable, since it is not difficult for such people to choose the right words in a given situation, to make new acquaintances. Communicating with a circle of people familiar to us with ease is not yet a sign of high sociability, because such communication often occurs non-verbally. People who know us well understand us literally at a glance. But in an unfamiliar environment, surrounded by strangers, a person with weak communication skills can get confused.

The level of sociability largely depends on the temperament, character, upbringing, education, as well as the religiosity of a particular person. But there are no barriers to becoming more sociable. And absolutely every mentally healthy person at any age can increase their level of sociability.

What is it for? With the expansion of communication capabilities, a person becomes more open to the world around him. He can easily make friends, maintain business communication. It becomes easier to form and express your point of view, due to which self-confidence grows, self-esteem rises.

Psychologists have proven that sociable people learn more easily, think broadly, and have a broader outlook. At the same time, it is necessary to clearly separate a sociable person from a pathologically in need of speaking. He always knows when to stop, he will not say too much, he has a developed sense of tact, he has an adequate sense of humor. With him it is easy for everyone around.

Sociable people have a special charm that makes them more attractive to members of the opposite sex. He does not feel inner tension when communicating, and the interlocutors feel this perfectly, starting to intuitively trust the person. This is why sociable people find it easier to build personal relationships, get married, and get a job.

Communication problems are varied, but they tend to be caused by similar causes. And before moving on to actions to increase your personal level of communication, you need to figure out why you cannot naturally communicate freely with others. The reasons may be as follows.

A person may feel embarrassed due to a low level of self-confidence and self-confidence. He is uncommunicative not at all because he does not need communication, but because he does not feel confident that he will be able to please the interlocutor, to make a favorable impression on him. The origin of shyness itself can stem from childhood, when self-esteem was formed abnormally, more often it is underestimated.

Sometimes a person is silent not at all because he is shy or afraid to say something, but he simply has nothing to say. He does not understand what it is about, the subject of the conversation is completely unfamiliar to him.

Sometimes a person is withdrawn and silent due to innate characteristics, temperament. For example, an introvert communicates little and sparingly with people, while not asking questions about how to improve communication skills, he is already fine. Personality traits imply complete harmony alone with oneself or in an extremely narrow circle.

A number of mental disorders and diseases are also accompanied by distortions of communication skills up to the complete lack of the ability and desire to communicate with people around.

An interesting person is always more successful in his work. They are not born that way. Despite the influence of temperament, basic communication skills can be developed, learn to interact with others most effectively. You need to start by identifying possible causes of communication problems.

From this day on, start taking care of yourself during any, even fleeting communication. Otherwise, basic recommendations will help, which can be used with equal efficiency by men and women, girls and boys, teenagers and pensioners.

• Language of the body. Often in a company, we worry about how we will sound and what we will say. At the same time, we forget about body language. And it can tell others a lot of interesting things. Friendly and sociable people do not hide their eyes, they are always open when communicating.During communication, they will not be distracted by messages on their mobile phones, or by studying some small details on their own clothes. Learn to look directly in the eyes, communicate with the interlocutor with maximum interest. Non-verbal messages from your body should clearly indicate that you are interested in the subject of the conversation. Begin to take control of your body gradually, with your hands. Your hands should complement your speech, illustrating certain semantic accents of speech with gestures. If the hands hang limply or move restlessly chaotically, this makes a negative impression on the interlocutor. Learn to read the body language of your interlocutors.

• Parasite words. Try to record your speech on a voice recorder and listen to it carefully. If in a conversation you use parasitic words, redundant interjections like "eem" or "aaa" for a bundle of words and thoughts, try to get rid of them. There is nothing more painful to listen to the speech of a person who generously supplements the information provided with such "parasites". A person who does not use such interjections and words gives the impression of self-confidence, thinking clearly and clearly.

• Make a script plan. Each person has a number of "uncomfortable" questions to which it is always difficult for him to give answers that baffle him. For some, these are questions about work and profession, for others - about children and family life. Define a list of your "uncomfortable" questions and plan ahead of time for answering them. If it is difficult to communicate with strangers on minor general topics, it is also worth considering in advance what you could keep the conversation going. This can help overcome awkwardness in situations that have previously been silenced.

• Tell stories. Whatever you tell, try to tell the story - it must have a beginning, development, climax and ending. In this form, your reports and presentations will be interesting, and conversations with interlocutors will become exciting. Very soon, you will begin to enjoy the reputation of an interesting storyteller.

• Ask more questions. Most shy people and those who end up having communication problems have one thing in common - they are afraid or don't like to ask. Some are worried that they will seem annoying or stupid after specifying something, others simply cannot formulate a question. Teach yourself to be sure to ask questions of the interlocutor. This will show him that you are interested in the subject of the conversation. If there is absolutely nothing to ask, you can simply repeat the last statements of the visitor in an interrogative form. This will stimulate him to continue the story.

• Concentrate your attention. It is not necessary to glare at the vis-a-vis, it is enough not to be distracted from communication by messages and phone notifications. If you have a responsible meeting that is important to you, it is better to turn off the phone altogether or switch it to silent mode.

• Feedback. When reading a report, telling something to a large audience or one interlocutor, avoid monotony and distraction in the story. If the words are not related to the interlocutor or listeners, they will not make a big impression on them.Always try to include them in the story, to make them participants in the story - “And what do you think happened next? That's right, exactly what you thought has happened! ”,“ What would you do in my place? ”.

• Develop empathy. The greatest success in communication is achieved by those who know how to empathize with the interlocutor, that is, they show empathy. More often put yourself in the shoes of a counterpart, try to imagine his emotions, feel them. As a result, you will learn not only to empathize, but also to clearly see when the interlocutor is tired, when he needs to be alone with himself, when the topic baffles him.

• Listen. This is the main advice. If you learn not only to pretend that you are listening, but to really listen, trying to memorize information, fix images and facts, this will be the best way to increase your communication skills.

Some exercises can help you practice your communication skills. Practice them individually or with loved ones, at work in a team. They will help you to relax and start communicating freely without any difficulties. All of the exercises described below are aimed at reducing and removing internal barriers.

• "Tell". This exercise helps you gain confidence in communication. It is better if you train in a company, but as a last resort you can do it together. The task of each is to tell in turn about one of the objects belonging to him - where he came from, under what circumstances he got to the owner, what it is used for. While one is talking, the others ask clarifying questions.
• "Bazaar of the East". The exercise will help improve your professional and business communication skills. Each participant writes their name in five copies on a piece of paper. The papers are folded and folded into one box. Then each one draws out 5 pieces of paper. It is important at all costs to convince the interlocutors to give you pieces of paper with your name. The first one to collect a complete set of their pieces of paper wins.
• "In other words". This exercise will teach you how to convey the meaning of the same phrase in different words, will contribute to the development of vocabulary and variability, flexibility in communication. A phrase of 5-7 words is taken as a basis. It must be repeated from participant to participant, without repeating any of the words spoken earlier, choosing clear and appropriate synonyms.
• "Similar people". This exercise will help you quickly learn how to connect with acquaintances and strangers. The task of the two interlocutors is to find as many common features and characteristics as possible in five minutes of the allotted time, identifying points of contact with each other.
• "Alone with myself". Left alone with yourself, you can conduct a dialogue with yourself, your pet, any teacup as if they could give real answers.

On the path of developing our own communication skills, we most often make the same mistakes that prevent us from gaining freedom of communication.

• You don't know how to listen. It seems to you that you have already received the required amount of information from the interlocutor, and there is no point in continuing. But words are just a screen. The emotions and feelings that the interlocutor tries to convey to you are of true value. Listen to them.
• You are losing contact. Having started to tell something, you may not keep the inner focus on the interlocutor and move away from him. And then your speech turns into a monotonous tirade. To maintain contact, constantly train this skill, choose only accurate and correct words, read more and develop logical thinking and observation.
• You're lying. Lies separate us from even the most beloved and close people - children and parents. Lying does not promote communication or long-term productive relationships with people. Just accept it as a fact, gather your inner will into a fist and forbid yourself to tell a lie.
• You are stingy with emotions. If you say the right things, but do it tensely and mechanically, like a robot, you are unlikely to be considered interesting. Watch your facial expressions, liveliness in communication, look in the mirror, how do you express joy or anger, what are the gestures and facial expressions. Do not be afraid of emotions, do not hide them, it is they that allow us to better understand each other.
• You don't want to develop. Often, after a couple of unsuccessful attempts, people quit training, believing that they are "not given" to communicate. There is no need to look for reasons why you did not succeed today, you need to look for opportunities to still implement your plans.
• You seek approval from others. This deprives you of independence and reduces critical thinking. This habit is considered a typical childhood habit, and adults should get rid of it as soon as possible.
• Your thinking is negative. People with negative attitudes, pessimistic outlooks on life can rarely communicate effectively and in an interesting way. Such thinking necessarily forms negative speech, critical statements, rudeness, insults.

Modern psychology offers many developments and techniques, recommendations for the development of communication skills. There are many interesting books, articles, you can sign up for webinars or courses. In any case, basic expert advice will come in handy.

• Imagine yourself as a child more often when communicating, this will help to listen more interested and ask questions vis-a-vis.
• Do not limit contacts, constantly expand them both on the Internet and in the real world.
• Do not transfer your negative experiences to all people, learn to trust them. Distrust divides.
• Put yourself in the interlocutor's shoes more often. Try to feel what he is going through, try on the events and facts described by him. This will help you better understand each other.
• Develop your horizons, read and watch films, learn new things every day.