All about shyness

Arrogance is considered the second happiness, and shyness makes a person unhappy. This is what popular wisdom says. This is often true. Especially when shyness turns into a painful state in which a person is constantly. It is necessary to figure out how to distinguish pathological shyness from shyness and overcome pathology.

In psychology, a shy person is described as the individual is fearful, overly shy, fearful of various life situations. Some, when describing a shy individual, even talk about the sophistication of his manners, call such a character trait a sign of chastity. Sometimes a shy person is called shy. However, they are not always the same.

The meaning of the word "shy" can be better understood by examining its origins. Such a person seems to live behind a wall that hides him from everyone else. She is a symbol and guarantor of his safety. It is quite simple to check who is really in front of you - a sick person or just a modest citizen.

Symptoms of the manifestation of pathology are as follows:

• fear of communication;
• fear of appearing in society, it is also called social phobia;
• fear of committing a noticeable act;
• fear of judgment;
• inability to smile, especially to strangers;
• lack of communication skills with unfamiliar or unfamiliar people.

In addition, in a shy person, you can easily notice the following signs:

• awkwardness in communication;
• stiffness in thoughts and actions;
• silence;
• self-doubt;
• a tendency to mental anguish or even depression;
• secrecy, isolation, constant desire to retire.

The difference between shyness and shyness is like a chasm. A modest person will never dye their hair green, a shy person will be afraid of even the slightest change in their image. He considers any of his actions with someone else's eyes. What others say worries him more than his own opinions and desires.

A modest person also thinks about those who are nearby, but from different positions. He is polite to those around him. He is not rude and not rude, but a shy person is capable of the most malicious statements, only they will be directed exclusively at his own "I".

The relationship between the two concepts, of course, exists. The shy yesterday may become a pathologically shy individual tomorrow. But this is not always the case. It all depends on where this or that character trait came from.

An effective and truthful diagnosis of shyness can only be provided by a specialist. It is difficult for a person himself to understand the degree of his alienation from society and where it comes from. Moreover, the habit of hiding behind an invisible or quite tangible wall is often born in childhood.

When mom or dad constantly scold their child for any, even the most insignificant offense, sooner or later he is likely to "withdraw into himself." The same can happen with a modest child who is "pressed" by a teacher or a group of peers. Often times, a person is pushed into the abyss of shyness by circumstances in which he finds himself at the wrong time and in the wrong place. For example, grandparents and parents want to see him as a virtuoso musician or an Olympic champion, but the kid cannot master the violin or skate, thereby causing criticism from adults and a lot of negative emotions within himself.

As a result, he turns out to be unnecessary for himself and others.... Over the years, his uncertainty only grows. He has no friends, because everyone around him seems more successful and talented to him. He is afraid of his own opinion, because it seems to him that it cannot be true a priori.

In addition to hidden talents, some parents try to find external data in their children. Each of them thinks that their baby is not only the smartest, but also the most beautiful. Or, in extreme cases, the ugly duckling will certainly make a beautiful swan. Mommies take their daughters to fashion schools, dads give toddlers to serious football clubs. Since in the modern world, both of these can most often be done only for money, parents who have them are rarely denied.

As a result, among quite athletic boys, the toddler turns out to be 2 times wider than them and for this reason does not show at least some success. A very talented, but without much charm, the girl remains in the shadow of her more spectacular peers. Over time, this shadow most likely becomes a wall that protects the maturing person from the whole world.

Another common way to instill an inferiority complex is the exact opposite of the above: when "caring" mothers and fathers or grandmothers and grandfathers do not deny anything to their beloved child. As a result, a child by the 5th grade weighs as an adult, but he does not know anything about adult responsibilities.

He is unable to clean his own room, learn his own homework, or even take out the trash. His peers always make fun of him.He does not want to communicate with them either at school or outside of it, and he transfers this alienation of his to adulthood, in which he already has no one to help, which means that loneliness and mental problems are guaranteed to him.

There are, of course, more objective reasons for becoming shy. At least, they seem so at first glance. We are talking about physical disabilities - congenital or acquired as a result of accidents or other accidents. It is not uncommon for people with disabilities to feel like outcasts. There are some pleasant exceptions to the rule, though.

One of the most striking examples of this is Australian Nicholas James Vuychich. He was born with a rare disease, without arms and legs. However, this did not stop him from becoming one of the world's most famous motivators for people with disabilities, a writer and a singer. In addition, he is happy in his personal life. He and his wife are raising 2 sons and 2 twin daughters. By the way, all Vuychich's children are absolutely healthy.

Shyness isn't always a problem. She begins to create a real threat when she turns from a cute trait into a way of life. Sometimes mild shyness can be a positive factor in social adjustment. For example, a modest, sweet girl is more likely to be liked by an older boss than her assertive and brightly colored competitor. However, this is more the exception than the rule.

More often than not, a shy person lives as if in a vacuum of his fears and fears. It cannot even be said that something is unsuccessful for him. After all, he does not even make attempts to self-actualize in any of the spheres of life.

Finding a companion (companion) in life for such a person is not easy, almost unrealistic, well, unless, of course, all the same caring relatives find an option. A shy person cannot find a common language with a potential soul mate. In principle, he is not looking for him, as he is afraid to once again raise his eyes to the representatives of the opposite sex.

Such people are bad at finding a family even in their dreams. It seems to them that it is better to be alone than to experience failure or condemnation from others or loved ones.

A shy person is not necessarily a stupid person. He may have an excellent education. But he cannot apply his knowledge in practice, as he is afraid to stumble. Nobody reveals his hidden talents, and over time they turn out to be buried deeper and deeper.

A shy person will never initiate the creation of something new, he will not try anything innovative because of the same fear of making mistakes. For him, a step to the left or to the right is an attempt to escape from himself, comparable to jumping into an abyss without insurance. Therefore, more often than not, shy people remain outside of successful companies or remain in them in very low-prestige positions.

Remember the anecdote when, when asked where she works, a woman replies that she is in a bank and only then adds that she is cleaning up a financial institution? But in fairness, it must be said that this lady is not from a timid dozen.

Before you start fighting shyness, you need to understand how much it has taken possession of a person. Ideally, to do this, you need to see a specialist. But at the initial stage, you can try to cope with the complex yourself. You need to clearly understand what your shyness is leading you to and what your new opposite will contribute to.

Write down on a piece of paper what you want to achieve. Make a list of the obstacles that keep you from moving forward. Your task is to shorten both the list as soon as possible. Let's start with the second one. To do this, we recommend that you follow a few steps.

• Be in public more often try talking to a vendor in the marketplace or your nearest store.
• Change your usual places of stay, go to the new mall, not the nearest supermarket.
• Visit an exhibition, go to the cinema or theater. You cannot do it alone, you are afraid of sidelong glances - take your friend, mother or beloved aunt with you. The main thing is not to sit at home.
• Sign up for a cutting and sewing circle, dance studio or gym - whichever you prefer. The main thing is to change the environment and environment as often as possible.
• Take a trip... It is advisable to go where you have not been before. After all, the language will not only bring you to Kiev, but will also help to get rid of complexes.
• Minimize your online communication... By the way, according to many experts, it only contributes to the spread of the symptom of shyness around the world. People forget how to talk eye to eye. It is easier for them to tell about problems to an unknown virtual interlocutor than to a childhood friend. So come back from virtual to reality.
• To learn how to speak persuasively both for others and for yourself, take a course in public speaking, speak out loud more often. Learn poetry and prose and recite them at least in front of a mirror to begin with.

Breaking up with shyness, however, requires changing not only your actions, but also the direction of your thoughts, lifestyle and behavior. You have to force yourself to think differently. V in particular, learn how to perform certain actions.

• Don't think of people worse than they really are.... Look for positive traits in those around you, not negative ones.
• During the dialogue, do not "pull the blanket over yourself", but do not give all the reins of power to the interlocutor. Remember: all participants are responsible for the outcome of the conversation.
• Become more welcoming to everything around you. Start saying "good morning" to the bird outside the window, then smile at your fellow traveler in public transport or a citizen who is sitting behind the wheel and stopped in a traffic jam.
• Be courteous to both acquaintances and strangers. This will not only help you integrate more easily into society, but also set it up positively towards you.
• Stop pretending that no one else exists.and nobody interests you.
• Let humor into your life, learn to react to what is happening around with a smile. No wonder they say that laughter not only prolongs life. A sense of humor will help you cope with the most difficult situations and get out of them with your head held high.
• Your goals and objectives must be achievable. Don't set the bar too high. This threatens another collapse in their own eyes.
• Forgive yourself for mistakes... They are not done only by the one who does nothing at all. Don't make every failure a universal problem. Give yourself the right to make a mistake.

But you have no right to "dissolve" yourself. You must look perfect. Hairstyle, type of nails, clothes - everything should give you confidence and at the same time inspire it in you. Throw away old jeans, change your image eventually. Don't be afraid to experiment with your looks, just don't go overboard. You have to look good, not extravagant.

Do auto-training as often as possible. Ask as many questions as possible to yourself and those around you. But what should not be done in any case is to look for your own kind. It often happens that a shy person finds an even more "gray mouse" and now against its background he is a real cat. But this is just self-deception, which not only will not solve the problem, but will also aggravate it. Lying, including to yourself, is not good and even harmful to your health.