Matchmaking: traditions and features of the conduct

In the modern world, the tradition of matchmaking does not play an important role in the marriage of lovers. But before without this ceremony, not a single wedding took place. In the old days, matchmaking was the main and most important part of the betrothal of loving hearts. And today the parents of the spouses for the first time can meet and get to know each other only at the wedding. In Russia, for the rite of matchmaking, the groom chose a specific date when he could ask for blessings from the parents of his chosen one. Now, no one pays attention to this nuance, and the day of matchmaking is mainly appointed on Saturday or Sunday.

Matchmaking is a tradition that dates back to the times of ancient Russia. According to custom, the groom, together with the matchmakers, must make an official proposal to the girl, initially having received the consent of her parents for the marriage. This procedure takes place in an intimate setting, among relatives on both sides, without the intervention of strangers.

The matchmakers themselves are relatives from the side of the bride and groom, who are their representatives at this event. In the old days, only the closest relatives were appointed matchmakers, these could be the guy's blood parents or godparents. In the most extreme case, professional matchmakers were invited to play the role of matchmakers. The main task of matchmakers from the groom's side was to present their ward from the best side. But besides this, they needed to find out more information about the bride's family, about the dowry and personal qualities that the girl could keep silent about.

Modern matchmaking consists in the appearance of the groom in front of the bride's parents with a request to allow the young couple to marry. The decision itself, of course, is made by the lovers, but in order to present themselves to the bride's relatives from a positive side, it is best to use traditions. By the way, these days the groom does not have to come to the relatives of his beloved girl with matchmakers. After a while, the bride's relatives go to the groom's house to conduct an official acquaintance with the newly-made relatives.

In ancient times, matchmaking was given special attention. This tradition was a more serious procedure than preparation for the conclusion of a marriage union. Basically, the ceremony was practiced by the groom, but there were cases when matchmakers went to the guy on behalf of their daughter.

According to the rules of matchmaking, the young man reported that he had found a chosen one for himself and wanted to marry her. In some cases, the groom's parents themselves selected a suitable bride for their son, explaining that it was time for the guy to start a family. If the bridegroom liked the chosen bride, then the task of the matchmakers is to collect detailed information about the girl herself, about her family, about what dowry they are entitled to, and much more.

The very process of matchmaking took place taking into account all the subtleties and nuances. Matchmakers went to the bride's house, waiting for the sun to go down. And here you should immediately pay attention to the fact that during the journey to the house of the chosen one, the representatives of the groom are not supposed to see anyone, let alone talk. Otherwise, the matchmaking procedure can be jinxed. Before crossing the threshold of the future bride's house, the matchmaker must lean against the doorway.

According to Russian traditions, matchmaking had to be carried out on special days of the calendar. For example, during the fasting period, it is strictly forbidden to ask for blessings from the relatives of your beloved. The number 13, which exudes negative energy, also belongs to the category of forbidden days. After the representatives of the groom crossed the threshold of the house of his beloved, the most interesting began. The conversation about the upcoming wedding began from afar. To do this, it was required to pronounce the key phrase: "you have a product, we have a merchant." Although such phrases in Russia could not be counted, this formulation was the most in demand.

The girl did not take any part in the negotiations between future relatives. She had to be silent, sometimes changing her clothes, while wearing all the best. And the hairstyle underwent changes with each change. Sometimes matchmakers would like to see the bride's masterful skills, such as how she knits or weaves lace. In this case, the girl presented her own work for everyone to see.

In the process of communication, relatives of both sides tried to tell and describe only the most positive qualities of their wards. This list included not only spiritual qualities, but also the material part. By the way, the material responsibility for the welfare of the future family was entirely placed on men's shoulders. The girl was responsible for the tranquility, beauty, warmth, cleanliness and comfort of the family nest.

It was considered a rash act to give a positive answer at the first visit of the matchmakers. Although there are some exceptions, for example, if the girl was not from a wealthy family or her age crossed the boundaries of acceptable marriage. In these cases, waiting for a second visit from the matchmakers was a stupid decision. But for girls from wealthy families, it is extremely difficult to choose a suitable candidate.A daughter's opinion may not agree with the opinion of her parents, and constant visits to matchmakers from different men often led to such disagreements.

After a positive decision is made, the bride's relatives pay the groom a return visit. They carefully examine the mansions of the future son-in-law in order to understand what conditions their daughter will move into after the conclusion of the marriage union. And only after that do they start talking about the wedding itself. This custom in Russian was called “going to look around”, where the real estate of the future son-in-law was mainly considered.

The positive decision of the bride's parents was expressed in different forms. For example, if they accepted a loaf brought by matchmakers. In fact, in Russia there were many ways to express your consent or refusal, without uttering words. The groom's relatives came to the bridegroom, expecting a positive answer, but did not always get what they wanted. In case of refusal, the bride's parents handed the matchmakers a watermelon or pumpkin. Sometimes they just kicked out the door in a rude manner. After these actions, the bride and her relatives were notorious.

Modern matchmaking is interpreted somewhat easier, especially for residents of large metropolitan areas. The groom's matchmakers, or rather, his close relatives, very rarely can use the traditional speeches of custom, and even more so they do not arrange mass events with theatrical scenes. Only one phrase has survived to this day: “you have a product, we have a merchant”. And yet, modern matchmaking is somewhat reminiscent of an ancient rite.

Before going to the house of his future wife, the man acquires several bouquets of beautiful flowers, which he hands over to his mother, sister and grandmother upon arrival. The groom can order a special flower arrangement for the bride herself. Matchmakers who are relatives of the groom should have special gifts with them, for example, sweets in beautiful packaging or a basket with fruits and an elite alcoholic drink. In addition, the groom or his mother should give the bride a special present. It can be a necklace or a family heirloom of the future husband.

Both of the girl's parents need to give something special, which will leave pleasant impressions and will be remembered for a long time. It is best to agree on this nuance in advance with the bride. A photo album, a home amulet, handmade candles and other similar items can be used as a gift. Matchmaking rules state that after meeting matchmakers, they should be taken to a laid table and at a meal discuss the main reason for the meeting - the wedding.

Analyzing the nuances of modern matchmaking, first of all, the festive loaf comes to mind. Matchmakers from the groom's side always carry pastries, laid on an embroidered towel in their hands. This sign invites the bride to move to the groom's house. It should be noted that the loaf, like a special guest of the holiday, is always present at the event and is eaten at the very end. According to another tradition, future relatives, namely the matchmakers of the groom and the bride's parents, are tied with rushniks. But not everyone uses this rite.

In modern times, the groom does not cease to go to matchmaking empty-handed. Flowers for ladies, gift souvenirs for the bride's relatives and pleasant trifles for any occasion must be present in a guy's pocket. For the holiday to be a success, the event scenario should be prepared in advance and worked out in detail. An experienced matchmaker will help you draw up a detailed plan of action. In this case, modern matchmaking will take place at the highest level.

Before going to matchmaking, the groom's relatives should prepare special words for the bride's parents. They should introduce themselves, the groom and clarify the essence of their visit. After the welcoming stage, the guests go to the house, where they start talking about the upcoming celebration. Understanding the seriousness of the event, matchmakers should conduct any conversations about the wedding smoothly, but not be specific. Veiled phrases will lead to greater understanding of future relatives.

In fact, the conversations as hints go back to the times of Russia. So, in the event of the refusal of the bride's parents, the groom was not so offended. And this decision will not hurt the girl's reputation in any way. Since matchmaking has been a mandatory element of the wedding ceremony, only a few phrases have survived to this day, for example:

• "Matchmaker does not go with the truth";
• “The first cup and the first stick to the matchmaker”;
• "You will begin to wonder how to give the girl."

Each participant in the matchmaking is assigned a role. The main part of the work lies on the shoulders of the groom from the side of the matchmaker. They need to be fun and positive. In no case should matchmakers speak compromising facts about the bride or her relatives.

Having entered the girl's house, the bride's parents invite the matchmakers to the laid table. In addition to the masterpieces of culinary art, there are strong drinks on the table. Since ancient times, the tradition of matchmaking has been accompanied by the belief that matchmakers should not give up alcohol, thereby confirming the fact of respect and trust in the bride. The main thing is without fanaticism, so as not to spoil the holiday for those in love.

The groom himself must behave with restraint, he must not contradict and even more so demand something. The only thing he needs is to win the favor of the bride's parents, thereby receiving their blessing. The bride, in turn, should sit silently and only observe the entire procession. Previously, the custom required the girl to constantly dress up in the most beautiful outfits, today you can refuse this.

The modern way of doing things allows us to deviate a little from the official traditions of matchmaking. For the holiday to go well, the best option would be preliminary preparation and script writing, where everyone will have a special role. Today, comic scenarios are very popular, especially for residents of megacities. The picture looks very unusual and positive when the groom with matchmakers, musicians and a loaf stands at the entrance to the entrance where his sweetheart lives.

According to a pre-written script, the matchmaker acts as a "detective" and asks the bride's parents on various topics concerning their daughter and the family as a whole. After the answers received, all the attention of the guests turns to the bride herself. Her image should outshine everyone present. The matchmaker arranges several tests for the girl in order to understand whether she is worthy to become the wife of their ward. After the bride, the matchmaker proceeds to check the groom himself.

During the ceremony, guests and the bride's parents receive small symbolic souvenirs. For each stage of the script, certain toasts are prepared. During the tests, ditties and folk songs are used as musical accompaniment. After the main part of the events, the matchmaker begins to play different games with the guests, and then invites the cheerful audience to sit down at the festive table.

In order to understand the sequence of actions, it is necessary to draw up a short plan of the event, from which you can build on and offer your ideas.

• Arrival of matchmakers to the house of the future bride. Their meeting should be accompanied by ditties and songs.
• Dating process.The future relatives may be meeting for the first time, so they need some time to greet and get to know each other. At this moment, the groom gives presents to the bride's parents and treats them to a baked loaf.
• An invitation to the table. The bride's parents should take future relatives to the festive feast and seat them in their places.
• The appearance of the bride. The girl appears in the most chic way, while her parents should describe the positive qualities of their daughter.
• Declaration of love. The groom must tell how much he loves his chosen one.
• Having received the blessing from the bride's parents, the matchmaking process can be considered complete. The final stage is the birthday cake and tea.

For information on how to properly woo a bride, see the next video.